How honest are people with friends about money?

[GirouxSein]

I’ve noticed money comes up more in conversations lately, especially with rising costs. Some friends are very open about what they earn, what they spend, what they’re struggling with. Others avoid the topic completely.
I tend to keep things vague because I don’t want comparisons or awkwardness, but sometimes it feels like I’m being secretive for no reason.
What’s the norm these days? Open conversations or polite avoidance?

I don go there, I referred to saving money to a friend last year about cost of living is squeezing saving. She was angry at me saying that most people can’t save and that me mentioning saving is offensive.

i don’t talk about money to anyone

Yes well unearned wealth feels more jealousy provoking.

Never. One of my friends often asks probing questions but i know nothing good comes of it. When we plan to meet up we are quite open though if something isnt affordable that month but its never a big deal.

I never discusss money with anyone other than DH and DD.
We aren't high earners at all and are probably poorer than everyone else we know, but we are still comfortable and financially secure.

I don’t discuss earnings with anyone. I think if you were trying to guess our situation from what I discuss, you’d think we were worse off than we are. The only money talk that I usually do is normal small talk about cost of living, how prices have gone up etc.

If you really wanted to figure our situation out, things like holidays, our house, cars etc would give away that we’re not struggling. But then maybe people assume family help, which isn’t the case.

I'm open if anyone wants to know but they don't. Nobody has ever asked me how much money I earn or have in savings. I moan about being broke when I am which is a lot so that tells its own story.

I tell any friend that asks how much I earn, precisely, and how that breaks down to take home. I also will explain my pension, S&S, and how much my house cost, how much I spent, and how much it is worth. I have also discussed in details things like ISAs, day rate contracting, salary negotiation, expenses etc. I put it on the same level as talking about buying second hand, coupons, moneysavingexpert stuff. I've helped a lot of friends improve their income.

I do this because I lived for a long time without any money (and everyone around me also had no money) and that disadvantaged me financially when I got into places where money existed. Other, posher, people got more than me and did better because I just didn't know what they knew. If we know this stuff we do better - we ask for more at work and we put whatever we have to work.

It’s not something we discuss with friends. And DH is not allowed to disclose his earnings under his partnership agreement. I join in general discussions about the cost of living, not specifics about being able to afford x or y.

I know we earn substantially more than most of our friends, although substantially less than a couple of them. When making social plans we are careful to make sure nothing is financially out of reach for others, or puts them under pressure. We normally do cheap stuff like taking the kayaks/boats out, picnics, bbq or board games at someone’s house etc. If we want to do something and it isn’t affordable to other close friends, we sometimes mutter a quick ‘on us’ and it’s no biggie.

A lot of people would be very interested to know about anyone else’s salary/assets!

Which is a very good reason for keeping such information strictly private. In the past in many circles it simply wasn’t ‘done’ to talk about money - except perhaps with close family.

I still remember being shocked when a new neighbour asked how much we’d paid for our house. I was too taken aback to think of an excuse, so told him, and since only a year after we’d bought ours, he’d paid rather more for a smaller house, he’s never quite forgiven us!

(This was in the 70s, well before anyone could have a good old nose on Nethouseprices to find out!)

Only really dull people, surely. I mean, how much you earn or how much your house cost must rank as the least interesting thing about a person unless that person is actually comatose?

A lot of people here doing great class signalling!

You can see it in the field, pretty much: money is too boring to talk about = I've got lots of money; it's vulgar to talk about money = my nanna had loads of money too!

😂

I'm happy to be vulgar. I am a proud plebian.

I’m WC, currently unemployed and my last book didn’t sell, so I am absolutely not class signalling, if by class signalling you mean ‘middle-class class signalling’ . I hold to my point that money is a crashingly boring topic, whether you’re on minimum wage or six figures.

Your last book didn't sell is an amazing MN definition of working class. Love it! Keep going!

You have some deeply weird ideas about social class if you think WC people are somehow prevented from writing, an activity that takes no training or equipment…

Depends on the friend, some are more comfortable to discuss than others. One of mine is super savvy about savings and investments so she pretty much knows the ins and outs of what we’ve got and vice versa. I know the rough salaries of most of my circle and if they’re feeling a bit skint or have had a big bonus for example, but we’re all a pretty open book after 30 years of friendship.

I'm very old fashioned in that sense. I'm of the opinion that there are tree things you don't talk about in polite company;

1. Money
2. Religion
3. Politics

They're all divisive topics and have the power to permanently fracture relationships.

It's like when someone asks me what I do for a living, I'm so tempted to tell them to shut up, but I don't because I'm too polite to speak to people like that. Your job is not your life and what you earn is very private and personal, so I say "I prefer not to say." or "It's complicated." or I make something up if I'm not likely to see them again.

There is so much more to life than money and I find far too many people are consumed by it.

I work in an office with lots of younger folk who are just starting out. I'm about to pay my last mortgage payment which feels like something to celebrate, but I know lots of my colleagues have massive mortgages so I'm not going to be telling anyone.

My best friend is in a very different position to me but we're really honest about our circumstances. She's an only child and will be due significant inheritances (barring care home fees) but has been in financial dire straits for many many years.

IMO you underestimate the sheer nosiness of a good many people!

Present company excepted, naturally!

I don’t, believe me! I write novels and am entirely fascinated by the most random details of other people’s lives — I can find myself musing about the logistics of hosting a sex party (lots of blowing up air mattresses and making sure the venue is warm enough, parking issues, vetting people, apparently), why a friend left his wife for someone far less interesting, class politics as manifest at a boarding school’s sports day etc etc. I just don’t think ‘Catherine earns £30 k or £85k’ is interesting in itself.

I don’t talk much about it with friends they don’t know my salary etc although may have an idea if they’re good at maths, eg my part time hours are designed so I stop working when higher rate tax kicks in as I don’t see the point of working rhat extra day and paying for an unfunded day at nursery when