How honest are people with friends about money?

[GirouxSein]

I’ve noticed money comes up more in conversations lately, especially with rising costs. Some friends are very open about what they earn, what they spend, what they’re struggling with. Others avoid the topic completely.
I tend to keep things vague because I don’t want comparisons or awkwardness, but sometimes it feels like I’m being secretive for no reason.
What’s the norm these days? Open conversations or polite avoidance?

Very open down to the penny with friends and pretty much anyone who asks.

No one discusses earnings/salary, the only time specific things come up is house moves as the discussed info tends to include property prices, or childcare costs. Some friends in similar roles may have an idea

Only talk to work colleagues. We're on a national pay scale with no overtime or bonuses so it's easy to work out where people are. Although it's obvious what we take home we don't discuss savings or outgoings and focus on pensions, pay rises etc.

I’ve never discussed salaries, mortgages, savings or pensions with friends.

We do chat about the price of ham or eating out etc.

We should take after the Norwegian model where everyone’s earnings, tax and wealth are matters of public record. And the best
bit is you get a notification of who has viewed your information.

Personally, I have a handful of close friends with whom I would discuss money - in the context of one or other of us needing advice and it only being worth discussing if everyone knows enough of the facts. We wouldn't necessarily volunteer details at random, but because we do broadly know each other's financial situation, there is a certain freedom.

Other than that - I think people talk about money without realising they're doing it. Eg., I have a neighbour who is lovely, very kind, and once told me proudly she would never talk about money, so it sticks in my mind. But she will say things like 'oh, you're going down to London for Christmas? Are you taking DD to Hamley's then?' or 'Have you decided whether DD's going state or private for secondary?'

That's 'talking about money'. She won't realise it is, but it's making the assumption that people have a certain kind of disposable income.

I think very often, people who are well off think that they're being discreet about money because they're not saying 'are you ok until payday?' or 'hey, my son got a payrise!' It's just different ways of having the same discusssion, TBH.

I used to be very very open about my income and financial situation with close friends and family...My husband and I have been very successful over the last decade: Late thirties, one six figure salary and multiple investment properties. Live up north. Our friends know we are doing well but as we live well within our means, they have no idea how well. Very normal house, modest cars, nice but not flashy holidays often in the UK type thing. I no longer discuss specifics because if they knew I think they would consider us richer than we actually are (no generational wealth, very high tax burden) and that may create some awkward dynamics which I frankly just don't want to navigate.

This...And for family too. We're doing so much better but not well enough to the point we can really help them. The savings we have are substantial but ear marked for kids university, pension etc. I often feel guilty about this. I always try buy an extra round in the pub etc but I also don't want this to become expected.

We don't discuss anything about money and I wouldn't want to share information about income or savings. It never comes up in conversation. DCs go to a private school and our house is in London and it's easy to find out how much we paid, so that gives an idea to some people we know (although we don't share that information either unless it's necessary or directly asked). A lot of our income and assets come from sources which are unrelated to work, so people have no idea how much we have even if they have an idea of our salaries.

I quite like learning about other people's finances in general, but it's been more helpful to follow forums like MSE and Reddit where people can be anonymous and give very clear information. I've learned a lot about finances from there, more than I'd get from face to face discussions I think because in real life people would be evasive about certain parts and not completely honest.

I'm nosy about the finances of people I meet and I'm always looking up house prices, linkedin profiles and companies house accounts, so even when they won't discuss their finances with me I can find out quite a lot!

I make it a point to never discuss money, personal, or intimate topics with anyone active on social media, including forums like Mumsnet. There are only a handful of people I genuinely trust. This goes especially for those who share unrelated details, subtly judge, and then post about you negatively to sway others. Not everyone has your best interests at heart, and some may even turn others against you, so it’s wise to stay cautious and avoid opening up to them.

Neither do I. My friends don't either. Most of them are retired anyway.

DH and I are both public sector workers so our income is very obvious to anyone who knows our 'banding'. Many of our friends are also so it's not really a taboo as we all know roughly what eachother earn. I don't really understand the need for secrecy but maybe this is because we are very average in our circles!

Always totally open. A friend asked how much I earned so I just sent the Excel of our budget and income. Helped her realise she was underpaid.

I do feel jealous when others earn more. I blame growing up poor.

Why does it matter how much anyone else earns or how wealthy they are?

I suppose we know the gist of how much money our friends have, based on the fact we know how much each others houses cost, cars cost etc. But we don’t know the specifics of everyone’s salary.

I’ve started to be a lot more honest. Lots of my closest friends have very well paid jobs (£100k plus) or have had significant help (no mortgage etc) from their parents. I have neither and cannot afford to keep up with their lifestyles. I used to be able to at least pretend to but why bother? I’m proud of my job and my ability to live within my means so I just say now: ‘Sorry. I’d love to, but I can’t afford to’. ‘No, we’d love to go on holiday, but we can’t afford to this year so we’re not going anywhere’. It was wrong to be ashamed.

That makes a lot of sense. I think that’s the line I’m most comfortable with too — general context is fine, but savings and day-to-day finances feel much more personal. I can definitely see the appeal of keeping things low key so money never becomes an issue between friends.

I really agree with this. I think money comes up in all sorts of sideways ways and people don’t always clock that they’re making assumptions. I’m fine talking about it with a small circle where there’s trust and context, but the casual comments about trips, schools, spending habits can be just as revealing as numbers. It’s made me more aware of how easily money sneaks into everyday chat, even when people think they’re being discreet.

I have never shared financial information with anyone, not even relatives. My parents never knew exactly how much I earned because I was paid by bank transfer. I still dont discuss finances with others, not even close friends. And certainly not the likes of neighbours and randoms.

I’m fairly open, younger people are pretty open compared to older generations.

One thing I see time & time again on MNs is “my friends have no idea how I have far more money than them/then they think because I don’t blah blah blah. But how are those people so sure of what everyone else has.

People can see how much people paid for houses etc so being completely secretive is pointless.

I'm open about my salary. A few close friends know that we've paid our mortgage off.

I have found people with a lot of family wealth as opposed to a high salary tend to be the most secretive about money.

My finances are completely private.

Not discussed, or at most, vague references about needing to top up pensions.