My DM just turned up at my work.

[TheLightSideOfTheMoon]

We’re currently not in contact.

I left an abusive relationship, she sided with my ex (he presents as charming and helpful to the outside world), told me they’d disowned me and made some seriously vile comments.

It came to a head on my birthday when I’d travelled an hour to see them (they invited me), my dad had a face like thunder the entire time and kept muttering ‘for fucks sake’ under his breath, my mum kept telling me I should go back to my ex despite me telling her that wasn’t possible, they chucked me out after 45 minutes because my dad wanted to watch ‘The Chase’ and I went home.

I’ve not contacted them since. They picked my exes side and my mum has a long history of tormenting me. They are free to do this, but I no longer want to be their punch bag. I’m done.

I did send a nice Christmas card because they are my parents. But that’s been the only contact.

Anyway, she turned up at my work with gifts. I’m not there today, my colleague messaged me.

I’m pretty stressed as my ex is contacting various people trying to get my new address and I changed my number because of his constant abuse. I can’t give my parents this information because they’ll probably tell my ex (they’ll see it as them wanting to get us back together).

I’m fairly certain that if my ex gets his hands on me he’ll kill me. Police aren’t interested.

My manager is aware that my ex is a problem and may contact work. It’s all a PITA.

I’m not even after advice. I just need to put my thoughts in writing.

It’s all such a headfuck.

Awful. What a let down they are.
Keep yourself safe OP and treasure yourself xxx

Well done on getting out of an abusive relationship with no support from your parents. That’s an incredibly hard thing to have done. I think you’re amazing xx

Keep yourself safe. Be utterly ruthless and singleminded about this.

Personally I would try and get the police involved some how.

Can you get some kind of protective order against your mum and dad?

And yes, you are incredible. X

that Sounds incredibly stressful! Good on you for getting away, keeping yourself safe and not allowing your parents to undermine your progress.

I have no advice - sounds like you are doing the right things. Just wanted to acknowledge your post and celebrate that you got away and taking care of yourself.

Try and keep busy and away from them and don’t respond. Distract yourself and get through tomorrow. You clearly can’t trust them.

It concerns me that your ’d’m turned up at your job, because so could your ex. Are you the poster who lives with a colleague? Are you safe at work ie people can’t just access your area?

Sorry your people are shit.

The Christmas card might have activated them. I’d go completely NC.

All she's doing is reconfirming your decision to be NC, and that she can't be trusted, useful if you ever feel your boundaries waver! Keep doing what you're doing, keeping yourself safe and protecting your personal information, it's clearly not safe to drop your guard even a tiny bit.

Yes, I live with a colleague but we live in another town about 12 miles away from my parents, my old house and our work.

I called the police when my ex started calling my old boss (who I’m still friends with) asking for my new address because he had ‘post’ for me. He hung up when she offered to come and collect it. Also, I don’t really get post. I do everything online.

The police said they can’t do anything because nothing had actually happened and I was always too scared to call them when my ex attacked. I did once, one of the times he strangled me, but I hung up because involving the police might’ve made it worse.

My mother has always struggled with boundaries but I didn’t think she knew where I worked.

I think you're incredible and so strong! Have you looked into a non-molestation order for your ex? It's criminal charges if he violates it. Please do contact Solace, they will give you advice and support. I can well believe the police are shit xx

If she turns up again please ask them to say you no longer work there

You are doing amazingly to have taken these steps to protect yourself and get away for your ex and it's utter bullshit that your parents aren't supporting you in this.

The police not doing anything is utter crap too because they can, they just don't want to. I would really recommend sending your parents and your ex a letter, short and sweet (and no return address) stating that you want no contact from the date of receipt and any further attempts at contact or attempts to gain private information about you such as your address will be considered harassment and reported to the police. Send it recorded delivery. Then if they make any further attempts at contact, turning up at work, seeking information about you, etc. contact the police and report it. Every single time.

It would also be worth considering a non-molestation order against your parents on the grounds of emotional abuse and harassment. It's free to apply for one and you don't need concrete proof, all you need to demonstrate is balance of probability that they're abusive.

I’m so sorry you are going through this. I hope you have some lovely plans for Christmas Day.

That sounds so distressing, OP. Have you ever looked into the anti-stalking charity, Paladin, founded by Laura Richards?
https://www.paladinservice.co.uk/
They have a national referral service and independent stalking advocacy caseworkers.
Wishing you a safe and peaceful Christmas,

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this and I think you’re bloody amazing for getting away. You’re very brave.

Protect yourself, and your peace, at all costs.

Do your parents know he put his hands on you? I cannot fathom hearing that any man put their hands on my daughter and then not wanting to chop those hands off in the most painful way possible - let alone taking his side and encouraging a reunion!!! Seriously, that’s fucked up of them and you’re better off without.

Stay strong.

I'm sorry they're such an awful let down op.

I'd suggest going completely no contact.

Make sure no one at your work will say where you live and be careful and aware of your surroundings as you leave and arrive. 😞 It's concerning that you thought she didn't know where you worked but clearly does. As they sided with your ex she's not a safe person to have this info. 😞

Strangulation is a high score in a DASH assessment , that should be an automatic referral to MARAC . Please contact the police and ask for a DASH assessment to be completed straight away due to your concern and risk of significant harm
Good luck and stay safe ❤️

Second this! Non-fatal strangulation is a serious warning sign and the fact he's still attempting contact isn't good either.

The harassment needs to be taken seriously too. As well as Paladin mentioned above try the Suzy Lamplugh trust. They're an amazing source of info and support.

I don't want to scare you at all but these are some high risk indicators.

You can call Women's Aid for general advice too.

I wish you all the best. Stay strong! You've been so strong xxx

I’m well aware that if he gets his hands on me again it’s game over.

I’ve told the police this. They also know he strangled me. Honestly, they don’t care.

Have you spoken with Women's Aid at all? They're usually a good go to for situations such as these?

Unfortunately in far too many cases the police don't seem to take DV cases seriously at all. I know there are good ones out there but I'm speaking from professional experience sadly.

Organisations vary depending which area of the country you're living in. But it could be worth seeking a little advice and support from a third party xxx

Try reaching out to this organisation OP:
https://alicerugglestrust.org/
There is currently a podcast on BBC sounds ‘Stalked’ which is very informative.

Stop automatically assuming there's no point and nobody cares. That will have you just sitting there letting it all happen to you.

Confide in your line manager and see if there is any employee assistance programme. You may have access to legal advice.

If you have security at work, explain what has been happening and provide pictures to ensure they are not admitted.

Make sure your personal record is flagged with DO NOT DISCLOSE on your address etc (a sob story could persuade a well-meaning person to let your details out).

Then read up on who can help and what to do:

https://duckduckgo.com/?q=reporting+to+police+abusive+relationship&t=fpas&ia=web

And review the locks etc at home and get a ring doorbell / CCTV in case of 'visitors'.

Just a thought but be very careful about what those gifts are. If there is any chance that any of them may be trackable or contain a tracker please check and do not take them anywhere near your home. Personally I would probably not want the presents anyway but just thought that if there is any possibility any of the presents came from your ex then please check them.

This don't make sense.

You need to try the police again as if you are willing to make changes on a case like this they HAVE TO take it further even if you said you don't want to press charges. If they listen then they are obliged. I can't give too much detail as it would be outing as is a current situation involving more than 1 victim. But victim 1 strangle insolence was reported by another party, they came to speak to victims, victim said didn't want hastle with court, but police said as they knew and had statement they had no choice but to arrest. He was given 3 months in prison.

2nd insodence Victim called police in the aftermath, police arranged a visit, police come and said if they agree to talk they would have to arrest and investigate. Victim said they didn't want it to go that far, police got victim to sign something to say they have decided not to speak to police on this occasion. But are aware that there is no time limit if they wish to proceed in future.

2 seperate victims, over 10 years apart but the 'caring about it' was exactly the same. I dont know why your attending officers didn't, but most would proceed with this if they knew what had happened. That is the law, if they are told they have to act. Insist it is taken seriously

Had to put this out there, not in a way of doubting your account, but to anyone going through this. You will be listened to if you seek help