Bit niche, but anyone want to join a support thread for those of us hosting an adult child's partner who they can't fucking stand?

[BoobsOnTheChristmasTree]

I'm already on my last fucking nerve with DD(23)'s boyfriend. They've been together 2 years, I said he could come for Christmas despite misgivings because I thought I was just being uncharitable about him but nope he really is fucking infuriating and rude and arrogant.

Doesn't like our house (which yes, is old and a bit tumbledown and quirky) and makes no attempt to hide it, with snidey PA digs at every opportunity.

Apparently doesn't know the words please and thank you.

Turns up empty handed.

Doesn't like the bed or pillows.

Doesn't like vegetarian food and keeps dropping hints about it not being Christmas dinner without meat. Fuck off back to mummy's for some turkey then? Please?

But my DD matters more to me than having a go at him. She's had a terrible year for various reasons and tbf to him he has stuck around. He's young, he might grow up and change, or more hopefully she might ditch him (tbf I think she's already well on the way). I just need somewhere to vent so I can keep a smile on my face for the next few days!

I'm quite glad so few MNers are sharing my pain, tbh!

And yes @Maybeitllneverhappen I suppose I am pretty much adopting the same technique.

We've been spared most of today as Annoying Boyfriend went to see his mum and brother (a 20 mile drive away), and isn't back yet. DD is irritated because he promised to be back in time for dinner. I'm saying absolutely nothing and just enjoying the chance to watch a film and eat chocolate with her ❤️

That sounds like a good result @BoobsOnTheChristmasTree. You get time alone with DD and hopefully the thought of having a “proper” Christmas Dinner will keep him away a little longer.

He got back about 10 mins ago 🙄 so sadly the lure of turkey wasn't strong enough!!

Great advise ☺️

My MIL used to ignore partners of her children she didn’t like, literally refuse to talk to them and pretend they weren’t there. I don’t recommend it as a tactic, her kids were completely mortified. Did mean she never had to host Christmas though.

Sorry OP.

Whatever you do, don't be like my mum and try to set me up with eligible bachelors. She is the embodiment of "you're single until you're married" in the worst way possible.

Oh god no I'm not going to start doing that. I actually think DD would do well to just stay single for a while and focus all her amazing energy on herself.

I'm too old for this shit.

Christmas Day is going to be just the way I want it. Even is it means my daughter will be absent.

Not putting up with no awful men thanks.

Before you know it he will have taken over your daughter and your house.

Ugh. My sister’s first proper boyfriend was like that. Add in 40 minute showers and pubes left on the toilet seat. I hated him and had to buy him a present even though he showed up with nothing for anyone or to contribute to the house. My mother just started to treat him and refer to him a bit like a toddler. Sibling grew out of the man-baby eventually.

What a shame that he’s found his way back. I was hoping that he had reconciled with his DM was was going to stay a while.

Thankfully we no longer have to put up with DH's son's wife. Ghastly bitch that she was. We were manipulated into a position where they were trying to steal money from us with them relying on the fact they expected us to just let them in order to keep the harmony in the family. They were wrong and we are now NC. It was like the world was a better place suddenly.

I can go the rest of my life without her whinging stuck up ways in my life, at Christmas and every other day - glorious!

I have to spend Xmas day with my family which includes my DD and her girlfriend who she has been with for 2 years. Girlfriend has barely worked since moving into my DDs flat that she bought just before they met....girlfriend has every supposed illness going on, every conversation is about her, she constantly puts DD down, she invents excuses to get my DD home from work, she caused a massive rift between DD and I to the point where we went from seeing each other weekly to barely phoning or seeing each other for 12 months. In the words of my family, 'she is dangerous'. Scary thing is they are both only in their early 20's

What do you think she sees in him?

If he criticises anything about your home, you simply calmly say "this is my home, and I love it" and carry on with what you're doing. Rinse and repeat every time.

I agree that you must keep the peace, but I also agree with a PP that sometimes a person's shittiness/weirdness can become normalised.

I had one friend who would say things like "is he pulling his weight? Cause you know you're great?!" Which were innocent enough but they really stuck in my head and helped me see that I needed to get out of the relationship (after 6 years)

Some people grow out of things. When I was younger, I used to worry about boyfriends' mums, but this was in no way their fault and was my internalised misogyny, making me defensive and read into any comment, and actually blame his mum for anything he did. I grew up (partly thanks to my own mum!) and would only have married someone if I got on with their family,
Notice how many mocking "run home to mummy"/"get mummy to make your food" type comments there are, though presumably this man has a dad, who might well do all the cooking.

As it happens his father isn't on the scene, so my reference to fucking off back to mummy for some turkey was based in fact. Their most recent falling out was over her refusing to let him store his broken car in her garage Spoiler: the car is now in her garage anyway.

Oh so he falls out with his own DM until he gets what he wants? Even more 🚩🚩🚩

Oh-hohohoho-yes 😬

Im it hosting, so shouldn’t really be in this thread, but in solidarity:

Tomorrow, I will smile quizzically as my outspoken anti-immigrant in-laws (my dil’s family, not her) rant on. And so, sitting next to me, will my immigrant husband.

I haven’t yet actually harmed any of them, but if you’re all lucky, this could be the year.

At least it’s just half a day. How long do you have to endure the rude git for, OP?

My mum and I are suspicious that my sister might be seeing the Evil Man once again. He’s not allowed to spend Xmas with the family… he’s not even allowed in my mums house or to dinners out or speak to me at the pub. But still we suspect she’s seeing him.

Nasty little twerp. He frightens my nephew (age 3) which fills me with anger.

Oh OP, I am sending solidarity! You sound like such a wonderful mum, your daughter is very lucky to have you.

I must admit this thread takes me back to my early twenties and the roster of terrible boyfriends that I brought home - which my family always treated with utter kindness, through gritted teeth I’m sure!

Luckily I now have a wonderful DP who my family absolutely adore. Although I did have to kiss a few frogs to find him.

Hang in there, kill him with kindness and I’m sure one day you’ll be able to laugh about the absolute knob with your lovely daughter!

I can’t imagine how hard that must be.

Or it shows that no matter how unpleasant someone is, their behaviour will just be silently tolerated and difficult people must be appeased. No thanks.

Oh this is much much worse. At least Annoying Boyfriend is just...annoying. He's a little twerp but I don't think he's at all malicious. Everything crossed that your sister sees sense very soon and manages to extricate herself 🤞