Bit niche, but anyone want to join a support thread for those of us hosting an adult child's partner who they can't fucking stand?

[BoobsOnTheChristmasTree]

I'm already on my last fucking nerve with DD(23)'s boyfriend. They've been together 2 years, I said he could come for Christmas despite misgivings because I thought I was just being uncharitable about him but nope he really is fucking infuriating and rude and arrogant.

Doesn't like our house (which yes, is old and a bit tumbledown and quirky) and makes no attempt to hide it, with snidey PA digs at every opportunity.

Apparently doesn't know the words please and thank you.

Turns up empty handed.

Doesn't like the bed or pillows.

Doesn't like vegetarian food and keeps dropping hints about it not being Christmas dinner without meat. Fuck off back to mummy's for some turkey then? Please?

But my DD matters more to me than having a go at him. She's had a terrible year for various reasons and tbf to him he has stuck around. He's young, he might grow up and change, or more hopefully she might ditch him (tbf I think she's already well on the way). I just need somewhere to vent so I can keep a smile on my face for the next few days!

He's 25? Any chance he is feeling the pressure at his gf' parents home?
Maybe he thinks he's being 'funny' when he comments on your house's quirks (do you all joke about it as a family? Is he trying to join in and missing the mark?) Why hasn't your daughter told him to button it if he is being offensive?
You also said he turned up empty handed- they are a couple, they turned* *up empty handed! Why is your daughter not held to the same standard?
Obviously it is fine not to like the guy but some of the stuff you have mentioned sounds like you are trying to find fault in him whilst absolving your daughter of the same 'sin'.

He has fallen out with his mum, apparently.

Avoidance, mostly!

My profound sympathies, OP. My daughter's first husband (yes, she married the little prick) was really unpleasant and I found it very difficult dealing with him. However, I managed to keep things civil and Lo it came to pass...she dumped and divorced him eventually!! I hope you get similar luck very soon.

Urgh, he sounds awful op - glad you’re managing to bite your tongue for the sake of your dd.
No unwelcome partners for us this Christmas, one of the dds is single (or that’s what she’s telling dh and I although we suspect otherwise!) and dd2 has a lovely boyfriend that will be coming over on the evening of Christmas Day. He IS lovely although secretly I think he’s a bit boring, dd is really outgoing and vibrant and bubbly and he’s just quite the opposite - she’s very happy and they’ve been together for a couple of years. If she’s happy, we’re happy. And he is really kind and sweet and thoughtful which are very important qualities so that’s all there is to say about that.

Me me me please...can I join? 🤣🤣 DS partner will sit on her arse, and let everyone else do all the running around, whilst she sits scrolling on her phone. As she does for the other 364 days of the year 🤬🤬🤬

Pull up a chair and pour yourself a drink, you have found a sympathetic ear on this thread ❤️

Oh god she better not marry him 😬

feet up, pours Baileys in my coffee 🤣🤣 Which I shall be doing a lot of on the day itself 🤣🤣

Wish I had words of advice for you OP, although it's a blessing there aren't any children involved (as there are in my case 😩)

In the bigger picture DDS husband is fantastic. He's helped bring up the grandchildren after their dad walked out on Christmas day when they were under 3. Completely adores DD and the said children.
But if he tells me one more time that he is a better cook than anyone else in the world I'll scream.
Insists on standing beside me when cooking just in case I have trouble. Maybe it's because I have a glass of wine when I'm cooking on Christmas day.
He's a builder.
I love him really and so grateful for how he treats the children.

My aunt was a mother to 5 girls. Her strategy whenever they had boyfriends she didn't like was to invite them over often and be a wonderful hostess. She said it was the quickest way to show them for what they are and that they didn't fit in with the family at all. She ended up with 5 pretty reasonable sons-in-law.

Blimey, how infuriating for you OP. Just let some silences linger when he says anything rude so that your DD has chance to absorb what's been said. Hopefully she'll see him for what he is and realise he's an arse.

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

I like to play Christmas Bingo when with people I find hard work at the holiday season. I make a list of all the annoying things we all do (including me - I'm unnecessarily sarcastic) like "X restacks dishwasher" "Y implies we're all bad parents" "Z goes for in impromptu run" and then the annoyance is massively reduced when the bad behaviour appears. Christmas with the inlaws is the only time I miss drinking, really.

You could do the classic Mumsnet thing of asking him to repeat his comments.
Bonus points for staring at him in disbelief for at least five seconds before shaking your head and changing the subject.

I love a nice “Pardon, I didn’t quite catch what you said?”

My sibling married someone like this. My parents seemed to think they were good for each other. It took years for my sibling to see sense. Family gatherings are so much more peaceful now! Sending good luck vibes op and hoping you get through it unscathed. Sometimes I think you need to call him out on it or turn it back on him if you don’t already. “You don’t have to eat the veggie food X if you have other options…”

"We don't have meat in this house but we do have manners"

Oooo this is a good idea.

Have a bingo card with all the shitty things you expect he'll do. Then have a drink every time he does.

This way you will get smashed in a lineal manner to his rudeness. Winner!

Totally this. ⬆️ Do it, don't let him get away with being rude. He's in your home, enjoying your hospitality, he should be on his very best behaviour.
I have minimal fucks left, and would have no hesitation in showing him up and making him feel embarrassed. Rude. Not a child. Should know better. 😡

I have a feeling I should forward this to my MIL (I haven't read the thread yet, just the header)

Have you done the MN “Did you MEAN to be so rude?”

No but now you've reminded me about it that's probably the perfect response. Along with "oh lovely" which is surely the verbal version of the 👍 reply?!

I'm a bit disappointed this threads not had more posts, I had high hopes.

I do like your DAunt’s tactic.