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Original poster

Would you expect to meet the GF's parents..?.

76 replies

Flowerslamp · 22/12/2025 18:07

DS is about to move away to live with his GF.

I know her reasonably well, although he she now lives where he's going to, so I don't seen her that often currently.

They've been together more than 2 years, she's stayed at my house many times. DS goes to her parents' often.

Her parents live very close to me. I've never met them.

I can't say that I really "want" to meet them. I try to step back and let DC manage their relationships, but I wonder if I "should", especially now they're going to be living together.

I know my parents were very keen to meet DH's parents as soon as things looked serious between us, but different times...and I can't say that it was hugely successful!

OP posts:
Kilopascal · 25/12/2025 09:27

I've met the girlfriend's lovely mum but not her dad (divorced, antisocial and lives a good way away). So, yes and no?

DurinsBane · 25/12/2025 09:30

I think it is a bit strange yes

ThatJadeLion · 25/12/2025 09:33

I think it's better to keep some distance. Years ago I got married abroad and the in laws fell out on my wedding week. Sadly it affected our married life probably more than it should and we later divorced. It's a gamble if the parents don't get on.

CountryGirlInTheCity · 25/12/2025 23:49

Nooo! We’ve got two married DC and only met our ILs parents just before the wedding in both cases. Both sets said they didn’t want us meeting for the first time at the wedding, which was fine. We got on well with them all, but realistically we will hardly ever see them as they all live on the opposite side of the country to us. I’m guessing that if grandchildren come along we might see more of them at family events so it’s nice that we get on but it’s not really a big deal. I think that meeting earlier than this might have put pressure on the DC to be more serious about the relationship than they were yet ready for.

ABeerInTheSunshineMakesMeHappy · 26/12/2025 00:43

My DS and his GF are mid 20s and have been together for 6 years, living together for 5. I have met her mum briefly a few times when they were first together and her mum used to drop her off at our house but we’ve never done any formal get together. Every now and again DH suggests to them that we all meet up for a drink / curry but it’s not happened yet. And as I type this Ive just realised we haven’t sent them a Christmas card.

ABeerInTheSunshineMakesMeHappy · 26/12/2025 00:55

ABeerInTheSunshineMakesMeHappy · 26/12/2025 00:43

My DS and his GF are mid 20s and have been together for 6 years, living together for 5. I have met her mum briefly a few times when they were first together and her mum used to drop her off at our house but we’ve never done any formal get together. Every now and again DH suggests to them that we all meet up for a drink / curry but it’s not happened yet. And as I type this Ive just realised we haven’t sent them a Christmas card.

It’s not letting me edit now - but to correct, DH has suggested to DS and partner that we maybe get together with her parents, not that he has invited them. There isn’t any direct contact .

SmileyMoonset · 26/12/2025 01:03

I think if the relationship is serious and it’s likely that you’ll share Grandchildren one day then there is a benefit to getting to know your children’s in-laws.

Depending on location it’s not always possible but if you live near each other why wouldn’t you make the effort?

lemmein · 26/12/2025 02:46

I’ve been with DP for 30 years and our parents have never met.

Both sides are a nightmare so I’m hoping if it ever happens then the first time will be my funeral Grin

thornbury · 26/12/2025 03:24

That's a bit of an old fashioned thing. I've been with my husband 15 years and I only met his dad last year, his mum passed three years ago so I never met her at all. We lived close to them for the first 8 years.

CheddarCheeseAndCrispSandwich · 26/12/2025 05:50

There’s really no need…unless you feel particularly strongly about it I guess! My two girls are married and I’ve only met their in-laws once…at their weddings. We barely spoke then to be honest. I can’t see me ever meeting either of these people again 🤷‍♀️

JG24 · 26/12/2025 06:49

My 'in laws' met my parents at our child's 1st birthday party after we'd been together for 10+ years!
No particular reason why, there was just no reason for them to meet them

DeftGoldHedgehog · 26/12/2025 06:54

I would have invited them round before now - if DDs wanted me to, particularly if they are only round the corner. After a few months if it seemed serious.

garlictwist · 26/12/2025 08:09

My parents only met Dh’s mum at our wedding. We’d been together 14 years by that point.

whiteroseredrose · 26/12/2025 09:57

My parents met PIL after we got engaged and moved in together. We had met each other's parents several times before then.

My parents lived a couple of hours away and came to visit us. PIL lived 20 mins away so we had dinner together. It was comfortable and didn’t feel forced.

The fact that I loved PIL, my parents love DH and everyone got along well was really important to us.

We spent many Christmases and Easters together. DC grew up with lots of communal family get togethers. Lots of fun, games and laughs.

It's an old fashioned view but the two families came together and it made life so much better.

Clearinguptheclutter · 26/12/2025 10:02

You could invite them for lunch, though that could be awkward if the gf wasn’t present

our respective parents lived relatively close. When we got engaged we arranged a meal out (on neutral turf) which we paid for! Before that, despite the fact we lived together I don’t think there was a need. And our first house definitely wasn’t big enough to host both families at the same time!

Astra53 · 26/12/2025 10:06

I am not sure why this would be a thing unless a wedding or baby was in the offing , and even then not really necessary.

tripleginandtonic · 26/12/2025 10:12

I would and have met all of the bf/gf parents/family after a few months. Think it would be weird not to.

ABeerInTheSunshineMakesMeHappy · 26/12/2025 10:59

thornbury · 26/12/2025 03:24

That's a bit of an old fashioned thing. I've been with my husband 15 years and I only met his dad last year, his mum passed three years ago so I never met her at all. We lived close to them for the first 8 years.

So this is a different issue. The OP was talking about sets of parents meeting one other, but you are talking about your own in-laws. I am assuming that for whatever reason your husband didn’t see his parents much?

gingercat02 · 26/12/2025 11:24

Our parents have met maybe 5-10 times in our 30 year relationship. Twice around our wedding and when DS was born and a few times since. I would struggle to put an actual number on it.
They are very different people. DH and I find them quite stressful in the one house.

PermanentTemporary · 26/12/2025 11:32

Not essential at all. If you wanted to you could ask your ds to host a bbq or something but if you’re not worried just leave it.

My in-laws met my mum the day ds was born, they got on fine and it made things easier at the wedding, they exchanged Christmas cards forever after I think and met occasionally with no issues over 15 years. My dad, we did a family celebration together twice so they met twice, my dad was so awful to them (think nonstop antisemitic ‘jokes’ with a massive edge to them) that it was a big influence in essentially going lower contact with him - Id never seen that side to him before and I wasn’t risking him treating ds that way as he grew up Jewish.

Trench1 · 26/12/2025 11:39

No need for you to meet them at all.

DH and I have been together for nearly 20 years and have a young DS. Our parents and PIL have never met or spoken with each other. They live no more than about 10 miles apart but could walk past each other in the street and have no idea who each other was.

It’s the same for my siblings and DH siblings. They have never met each other despite most living fairly local. In fact I don’t think any of my extended family has ever met anyone from DH’s extended family.

SleepingStandingUp · 26/12/2025 11:55

Trench1 · 26/12/2025 11:39

No need for you to meet them at all.

DH and I have been together for nearly 20 years and have a young DS. Our parents and PIL have never met or spoken with each other. They live no more than about 10 miles apart but could walk past each other in the street and have no idea who each other was.

It’s the same for my siblings and DH siblings. They have never met each other despite most living fairly local. In fact I don’t think any of my extended family has ever met anyone from DH’s extended family.

if they didn't all come to the wedding tho I'm assuming there's a back story?

our respective parents definitely met when we moved in together because we were each moving from our own places into a house so everyone pitched in to help us move. we'd been together 4 months so it was pretty early on they met.
they all came to the wedding.
they were all there when DS was christened, twice.
they've been there for birthday parties for the kids.
they've overlapped / tagged team childcare when we've needed a good few hours care.
I assume they've overlapped when we were in hospital alot with DS.
My sister has invited my Mil to my nephew's christneings and by absolute weird fluke our Mils know each other from primary school altho they're not close now, just aquaitences.

I feel like it would take real effort to keep them apart!
my sister is the same with her in laws.

ThePure · 26/12/2025 11:56

My parents and my in laws met once before our wedding (organised when we got engaged) and then on the day and also I think at our DCs Christenings. I don’t think there have been many other occasions for them to meet in over 20 years although they do exchange Christmas cards.

Wiaa · 26/12/2025 12:04

My in-laws met my mum on my sons first birthday ( id been with dh 11yrs married 6 at this point) my dad didn't come, they met her very briefly again when dropping my son off to me at my dads funeral 2mths later. We got married on our own so didn't meet then!

Trench1 · 26/12/2025 12:17

SleepingStandingUp · 26/12/2025 11:55

if they didn't all come to the wedding tho I'm assuming there's a back story?

our respective parents definitely met when we moved in together because we were each moving from our own places into a house so everyone pitched in to help us move. we'd been together 4 months so it was pretty early on they met.
they all came to the wedding.
they were all there when DS was christened, twice.
they've been there for birthday parties for the kids.
they've overlapped / tagged team childcare when we've needed a good few hours care.
I assume they've overlapped when we were in hospital alot with DS.
My sister has invited my Mil to my nephew's christneings and by absolute weird fluke our Mils know each other from primary school altho they're not close now, just aquaitences.

I feel like it would take real effort to keep them apart!
my sister is the same with her in laws.

Show quote history

We got married on our own because we couldn’t be bothered with the hassle of a big wedding as we’d already been together for years by that time and only got married for IHT purposes to protect our DS’s inheritance.

DS isn’t christened and birthday parties are with friends not family in part because there aren’t any other young children in our extended family. My DS is 4 and his youngest cousin is well into his 20’s.

We are an almost entirely self sufficient family unit though so little opportunity for each other’s families to mix.

I doubt anything will change now. It just means we have to be a bit more organised than a lot of other families as we don’t have the wider support network that many are able to rely on.

You also need to have slightly deeper pockets than some others as any help we need has to be paid for. Childcare in particular was a huge cost. Well over £50k on nursery fees alone followed by a drop in income once DS started school as DH and I had to amend working hours to facilitate school drop offs and pick ups.

It feels normal to us but I realise it’s probably not typical these days.