Pronouns and Identity

[Bottlesofrumonthewall]

I am part a group - It has nothing to do with trans people however recently a trans member joined. Since then there has been a lot of focus on pronouns and specific trans related terminology and we have been asked to sign an official, legally binding agreement to be respectful to everyone including views we do not agree with. This was included among other things we had to agree to - but I do have to say that we have never been asked to sign anything like this before.
I want to be clear that I do believe trans people exist and that it is possible for someone to feel more like a woman even if they are a man or vice versa. I have met a few trans people and I loved them and their personalities - not romantically. I fully respect trans people.
At the same time I have a number of womens health conditions and my identity as a woman is very important to me. I actually felt offended when this new member asked what my pronouns were. I felt they were implying I might not feel that I’m a woman? I also believe that if someone is trans, they should be shared by the persons own free will and they shouldn’t have to be asked? Since their arrival they have also wanted everyone to tell them about their pronouns which feels very private to me.
We are being pressured to add pronouns to our emails and we have upcoming meetings about trans people. This is the only trans person in the entire group. We have been a small team and have known each other well for years . Has anyone else experienced something similar? How have you managed maintaining your boundaries while still being considerate of others?

I honestly could not be fucked with this shit and I would leave and find another group.

...Legally binding to be respectful of everyone's views ...

This is good. You could raise that as trans has nothing specific to do with the group then they shouldn't be spending time on it.

Also that you personally don't like being asked about pronouns.

Your pronouns are I/me/mine - and if I were you I'd look for another group if you felt you couldn't say 'enough of this shit'. I'm guessing it's a trans identifying male that everyone's tiptoeing around?

what does the reat of the group think? Personally I’m not a fan of compelled speech and would tell someone not to be so bloody stupid if they asked my pronouns.

What kind of group requires you to sign a legally binding agreement about ‘being kind’? (I suspect ‘legally binding’ is doing some heavy lifting here).

“we have been asked to sign an official, legally binding agreement to be respectful to everyone including views we do not agree with. ”

I would have a lot of questions about this and how it is to be implemented and the consequences for any perceived lack of respect. Whose decision is it to confirm that lack of respect has occurred, what are the sanctions, what happens if some people disagree with the allegation or sanction, what happens if you refuse to sign? Etc.

When you say group is it a hobby / interest group, or something related to work?

I was starting to watch a YouTube video about knitting and slow living. It looked liked something I would like. But she introduced herself and said her pronouns were they/them.
Total self absorbed shite. Didn't continue watching. That degree of nonsense put me right off.

But mostly I would be strongly tempted to think eff this shit and start my own group.

Is this a work related group and are you being paid?

The respect thing is one thing - in work everyone should be polite at least (easier said than done sometimes) but I'd just close down any conversations about pronouns and change the subject.

I’d be leaving the group if the purpose of it is being derailed by this. Can people not just be nice and respectful to everyone and get on with their day?
I also wouldn’t sign this agreement as it’s assuming you don’t have the ability to be respectful to start with if it needs to be legally binding.

Surely you don’t need to sign something to make sure you’re respectful of others? I know a lot of people that I don’t share the same belief as, I wouldn’t make them feel uncomfortable just so I could get my point across.

Does this legally binding document recognise that respect is a two way thing?

Would group members who believe in gender ideology need to respect that other members don't?

If not then it seems very unfair.

I thought it sounded more like a thinly veiled threat.
They usually are.

How is it legally binding?

does it also require people to be respectful of the view that humans can’t change sex and women are entitled to their existing legal rights to single sex services and sports?

How is it legally binding?

Have they had solicitors write something up?

What kind of group is this?

This is absolutely mad. I would refuse.

I'm not sure how a document agreeing to be respectful can be 'legally binding'? Do you have an existing contract with the group, eg, that you agree to pay subscriptions for a year, or whatever, and they have added this new clause about respect or they reserve the right to cancel membership without refund? Because otherwise, what are they going to use the law to do if you're not respectful? Sue you?

Is the trans person also going to sign a legally-binding document saying that they too are going to be respectful towards other people including views they do not agree with, or will they just scream 'Transphobic' at everyone who doesn't kowtow to their demands?

I'm respectful to everyone until they start ordering me about. Then they can get to fuck, whoever they are.

Oh hell no. The sheer arrogance of joining an existing group then dominating the agenda by forcing though such a document - just no.

Clearly there's already someone in the group making OP feel uncomfortable with pressure to share her preferred pronouns. So while I can't imagine how there could be a 'legally binding' document in the mix here, it looks like it could be necessary to remind people that it's not respectful to pressure others because of your own beliefs.

She wasn’t implying that you’re not a woman, she was just checking! You don’t need to be pressured to add pronouns to your email if you don’t want to, just say no you don’t want to.

Why would a new member of a group take it upon themselves to check the sex of existing members? What possible motive could they have to do that and to start discussions about adding pronouns when the group has functioned perfectly well without them?

She wasn’t checking OP’s sex, she was checking OP’s pronouns :)

Male fetishes are unstoppable (anyone who has been in a relationship with a fetishistic male knows this, anyone else probably struggles to realise quite how bad it is).

I don't think you should have to leave but I would.

Well he, she or they shouldn't have done. It's very rude to 'check' someone's pronouns. An invitation to share them if you wish, which can be ignored if you wish is the only respectful behaviour.