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Original poster

Am I wrong to ask DH not to give DS the present he has brought him.

65 replies

BoxOfFredoFrogs · 21/12/2025 19:16

DS is 12 and has never been interested in gaming but will play a bit at friends’ houses. He has never had his own device nor asked for one. On his Christmas list this year he asked for a stunt scooter as his big present.

DH has brought DS at PlayStation 5. It’s so random as DH never buys gifts for any of the kids but has this time and it’s one I never want DS to have.

I have seen so many teen boys get addicted to gaming and become less social, less happy and less fit as a result. I honestly see no bright sides to gaming.

On top of that our other kids do not have a big expensive presents so this gift misbalances everything.

I have asked DH to return the PS and he is refusing saying DS will get bullied if he’s the one boy one doesn’t game. I do not think that is true at all. DS has lots of friends and doesn’t seem to feel peer pressure to game. Him and his friends mainly play football after school or skateboard and I’m happy they are active and outside. I see zero sign he needs a PS to fit in.

OP posts:
SirChenjins · 21/12/2025 22:09

As long as you've got him the stunt scooter he'll be happy. The PS5 thing is weird, it's the sort of thing most parents battle for as long as possible as they can and do get ridiculously addicted to them. Keep them socialising outdoors and away from hours of screens for as long as possible is my advice. I would also suggest buying family type games if your dh is absolutely insistent on the ps5 - and keep it in a family room.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 21/12/2025 22:14

ADHDdiagnosis · 21/12/2025 19:36

I am on your husband’s side 100 percent. Why shouldn’t he buy what he wants for his son?

I can’t help thinking about this as if it was in reverse. A husband saying mum should not give a gift of her choosing to her child?

Maybe my view is also different because I have no problem with gaming. I have 3 sons and have bought them all a PS5 each over the last few years.

A £100s of pound purchase for one child, and not the others, without consulting with spouse? Something that places him at risk of harm? Without agreement about how much time he will spend gaming etc? Op already has a good healthy boy with healthy hobbies. DH might as well have bought him a vape or a joint and encouraged him to do that instead of sports with friends

ChristmaslightsuptilJanuary · 21/12/2025 22:14

SirChenjins · 21/12/2025 22:09

As long as you've got him the stunt scooter he'll be happy. The PS5 thing is weird, it's the sort of thing most parents battle for as long as possible as they can and do get ridiculously addicted to them. Keep them socialising outdoors and away from hours of screens for as long as possible is my advice. I would also suggest buying family type games if your dh is absolutely insistent on the ps5 - and keep it in a family room.

Absolutely agree with this and with the OP. No need to go there if your son isn’t fussed. Ultimately it could end up being at the expense of healthier pastimes. Difficult to get a balanced view as I guess that lots of parents who are okay with it potentially feel a bit judged/defensive. We are not a gaming household but I wish we’d held out a lot longer before getting DD a phone

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Unexpectedlysinglemum · 21/12/2025 22:15

LighthouseLED · 21/12/2025 22:07

Is DS your DH’s son? If so, I don’t think you can ban him from giving a present to his own son.

Perhaps point out the potential unfairness / gift disparity with the other children.

A huge purchase from the marital funds should be discussed surely?

Theclocksticking · 21/12/2025 22:18

Could your DH think your DS is different to other 12 year old boys and is trying to change that?

LighthouseLED · 21/12/2025 22:18

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 21/12/2025 22:15

A huge purchase from the marital funds should be discussed surely?

Show quote history

If it’s from the marital funds, yes, but OP hasn’t said how they manage finances. It could be from his personal spending or they may not share finances.

justasmalltownmum · 21/12/2025 22:21

I can kind of see where he is coming from. Our DS doesn’t have a console. He kept mentioning all the kids were playing a certain game so we got it for him on the desktop. When he joined, it was like the entire class was playing/ talking. So he plays occasionally to be in the loop.

justasmalltownmum · 21/12/2025 22:21

justasmalltownmum · 21/12/2025 22:21

I can kind of see where he is coming from. Our DS doesn’t have a console. He kept mentioning all the kids were playing a certain game so we got it for him on the desktop. When he joined, it was like the entire class was playing/ talking. So he plays occasionally to be in the loop.

They don’t have phones so this is also how they talk.

ThatJadeLion · 21/12/2025 22:24

YABVVVU!! You're thinking worse case scenario. There's a lot of positives to gaming too.

Lamentingalways · 21/12/2025 22:34

If you’re adamant DH will not play it the only conclusion I can think of is that he would actually prefer your son to be into gaming - weird! Is your DS showing signs of being anything other that heterosexual? Men are seriously weird with stuff like that, is he wanting to encourage him to be different to how he is?

I would have no problem with the PS but defo with the out of character behaviour, not consulting you and waste of money.

Lobleylimlam · 21/12/2025 22:40

I dont think the main issue here is having the ps5, for me its clearly what is he planning for the 3 girls of equalish value? Very unfair and unreasonable to do that to them and will cause friction and resentment if not balanced out, not just on xmas day, but for a while. If your husband has sorted the other children too then fair enough but it doesnt sound like he has, which is very thoughtless.

Original poster
BoxOfFredoFrogs · 21/12/2025 22:50

Yes all our finances are joint so this was bought from our joint acct.

DH is a good dad, very present for the kids and in fact the one at home more than I am due to my work patterns. But he has never got involved with present buying. He just doesn’t get it. So every year it is implicit that I plan Christmas presents. This year I have done that as I always do. Each child has a new outfit, a new book and a biggish present (stunt scooter for DS, EarPods for one DD, leather boots for another, a piece of specialist sport equipment for another) so the PS really upsets the very balanced giving I had planned. but the main thing is I just don’t want to push DS toward gaming. I just don’t get why we would want to do that if he isn’t bothered. Why would we take a boy who loves being with people and running about outdoors and encourage him indoors to sit still and socialise virtually?

OP posts:
Kindnesscostsnothingtryit · 21/12/2025 22:56

BestZebbie · 21/12/2025 19:42

Also, has he checked which console his friends (these friends who will bully him if he can't join in) actually have themselves? No point getting DS a Playstation if they all game on the XBox!

You can definitely play together across both devices, most popular games allow this.

queenofwandss · 22/12/2025 07:48

Could it be a family gift?
your views on gaming are not wholly wrong and you’re entitled to your opinion but there are some plus sides to gaming and maybe you can all play as a family or have tournaments?

lottiegarbanzo · 22/12/2025 09:01

You need to talk to your DH to understand why he’s done this.

If there’s been no indication from your DS that he wants this, your DH should return it. By the time DS does want to game, in a year or more, this particular console will be out of date.

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