In trouble at work- over a quiche

[Coffeandtoast]

Good morning

So on Friday we had a little gathering in the office at work. We all agreed to take in various food items and my contribution was quiches and sausage rolls.

so I took four quiches. At the end of the gathering there was one whole quiche left unopened.we agreed that we’d just share out the untouched food

I said that I’d just take the unopened quiche as we would eat it at home. In then comes Patricia, an older woman who I generally find quite difficult to work with. She’s self opinionated and knows everything. I generally try hard to get on with her but she’s a massive PITA. So she said something along the lines of “ you can’t just take the quiche until we’ve discussed who’s taking what” . I explained that I wasn’t to fussed about any of it and that she could just take the quiche, she carried on with her chuntering and huffing and puffing at me. So this is where it went pear shaped, I just snapped and shouted- “ just take the cunting quiche, Patricia”

it’s all kicked off and I have a HR meeting tomorrow regarding my foul language!!!!

They are adults. They can see beyond childish ideas about the necessity of the precisely ‘fair’ split. It was a buffet. People usually hope their contribution is eaten and take it away if it wasn’t. The OP’s response was completely normal.

Why is Patricia referred to as "older"?
So predictable. 🥱

Things I’d say cunt over

quiche
decent pork pie
cheese
pigs in blankets
charcuterie

things I’d not say cunt over

grapes
open dip
mince pies.

you just shouldn’t bring high value items to the bring and share. Bring things that you wouldn’t eat yourself. Perhaps something from farmfoods or Lidl?

I can see why you snapped, but using the C word is unacceptable however much of a pain your colleague can be. Maybe she wasn’t aware you had brought the quiche in originally , but it sounds as if she was just being pedantic and making a point. I can see both sides and I know that it wouldn’t bother me , but people do get wound up with the most ridiculous things.
Did you take it home?
I would apologize to her and move on personally , but maybe your HR department will take a more serious view?

How do you know pp's name? (sorry, couldn't resist)

Well of course it is. This is mn, where anyone over 50 is a hybrid of Hyacinth Bucket and the Dowager Countess from Downton Abbey.

Be honest, how many are picturing Patricia as Patricia Routledge in one of Alan Bennett's Talking Heads monologues?

Does picking a fight over a quiche not contravene a dignity at work policy? If you keep pocking someone, even after they have offered you what you want, you are clearly trying to provoke them.

My view is that HR shouldn’t get involved in petty playground squabbles. They need to tell them to sort it out between themselves.

Because she is and it's perfectly normal to mention accurate things to set the scene.

Yeah sorry language unacceptable!

You owe hr an apology and unfortunately Patricia 😬 just blame it on time of year being stressful
around Christmas and move on.

It’s not nice language but unless you’re constantly swearing who goes to HR for one snapped and sweary reply.
Just apologise and say the word popped out before your brain engaged.
In future substitute an innocent word that you know means something else in your head.
I flicked the v’s at a manager once during our break because she wound me up, amazingly she just laughed. I went straight to my immediate supervisor and confessed, his reply was ‘don’t worry, It’s easier to get rid of a verruca than a member of staff, you’ll be fine.’

The strangest part of this to me is wanting to take food home that has been sitting around an office being breathed on, after travelling at room temperature for the commute. Unless it's unopened crisps or biscuits.

So why not her height, hair colour or ethnicity?

That could work. My experience of HR is that they tend to be completely humourless and lacking in empathy in many ways and follow policy to the nth so, personally I'd not risk it.

Half of us on this thread are likely over 50.
But we're not picturing Talking Heads because we're not over 80

(I am think two for £8 in M and S, though I’m sure no M and S shoppers use such language so maybe they were £1 ones from Iceland)
What are implying about Iceland customers? Doesn't sound great whatever it is.

TBH I'm struggling to see the relevance too. Why is someone 'older' necessarily more likely to behave like this?

”take the cunting quiche Patricia” sounds like a great slogan for a T-shirt. I love it.

Probably not the best thing to say to a colleague and you should apologise but thank you for the laugh.

Depends on tone and the temperament of colleagues. Most departments have a Pat.

To be honest, HR don't care. We simply advise to minimise grief and provide clarity around policies and procedures. Due to the frustrations caused by some staff, the air in my HR department is often blue. The op's incident will have drawn a frustrated. "FFS".

I'm picturing Patricia Arquette. Am I close?

So yeah completely inappropriate but that's the funniest thing I have heard for ages. I'm crying laughing. If it had been smoked salmon quiche I would have fought her for it. Edited to say it's your almost alliteration that's making me laugh so much. It's perfect.

Mumsnet loves telling people off. It's just a word and it describes the quiche not her. This is hilarious (but I appreciate not for you). Like people have said, you just need to apologise, blame EOY stresses or similar, and take it on the chin.

But (if they try) they don't need to make more of it than it is - you did not call her the C word, it was an expletive used in a sentence to let off steam not addressed at anyone. So if anyone attempts that, I'd push back politely there.

Very mild for my work.

Thank you for providing amusement. Take the cunting quiche Patricia will now be part of my lexicon for anyone being tight over something cheap. (Assuming it was bog standard Tesco quiche and not M&S!)

'Over a quiche'
'Patricia'
'...an older woman who I generally find quite difficult'
'chuntering and huffing and puffing'
'just take the cunting quiche, Patricia'

Did this all really happen?! Sounds a bit too emotive to me like you're off for Xmas now and have FA to do. I swear some threads on here are reply bait BS nonsense and this ticks all the MN boxes. Just like those reply-bait threads we see every Half Term. Well done.

Well I am 61 and manage a team at work so should obliviously think this is unacceptable but it has made me laugh. I'd definitely be having words with you about the language op but would be working hard to suppress my amusement

As for the complaint from "Patricia" about bringing the quiche home,in your shoes I'd have just said, "I paid for the quiche and I'm taking it home", and just ignored her prattling on.. Let her go to HR about that and see how far she gets with a complaintabout quiche instead of a complaintabout you swearing.
In all seriousness op, the reason you swore is that you let your colleague's absolutely unreasonable moaning and complaining get to you. You need to work on calmer assertiveness at work. You were perfectly within your rights to take the quiche home , belive in that and act accordingly and you won' t be driven to swear inappropriately in frustration as much in future.