In trouble at work- over a quiche

[Coffeandtoast]

Good morning

So on Friday we had a little gathering in the office at work. We all agreed to take in various food items and my contribution was quiches and sausage rolls.

so I took four quiches. At the end of the gathering there was one whole quiche left unopened.we agreed that we’d just share out the untouched food

I said that I’d just take the unopened quiche as we would eat it at home. In then comes Patricia, an older woman who I generally find quite difficult to work with. She’s self opinionated and knows everything. I generally try hard to get on with her but she’s a massive PITA. So she said something along the lines of “ you can’t just take the quiche until we’ve discussed who’s taking what” . I explained that I wasn’t to fussed about any of it and that she could just take the quiche, she carried on with her chuntering and huffing and puffing at me. So this is where it went pear shaped, I just snapped and shouted- “ just take the cunting quiche, Patricia”

it’s all kicked off and I have a HR meeting tomorrow regarding my foul language!!!!

What a massive overreaction for a quiche you were supposedly unbothered by.
I get your logic. You weren’t unreasonable. But you flipped the table when you dropped the C-Bomb in the workplace.

I'm sorry but " just take the cunting quiche, Patricia " is my new favourite line 😂

Because Patricia wouldn't shut up about it after op said she was happy for her to take it!

It's just a word. It's not a magic spell.

Why is everyone running to HR over everything? Grievances right, left and centre. I wouldn’t like to be at the receiving end but I wouldn’t be an annoying tit about it either. I’ve met people like Patricia here and you just think thank God I don’t live with you. But then we spend more time at work than at home and you can see how that would get to you.

My workplace also had issues caused by a Xmas buffet quiche a few years ago!

There was loads of food so lots was out on the table and spares of anything was kept in the fridge. Our Patricia opened the fridge and saw an unopened quiche - sorry but I can’t remember what flavour - and just took it, saying ‘oh well if this isn’t getting eating I’ll just take it’. There were still people who hadn’t had any buffet, we work in a call centre so could only go up on breaks.

I was in the kitchen and just thought it was a bit cheeky, but management were called and she had to be spoken to about her selfishness. I had to give evidence as a witness 😆

To be fair, she wasn’t very well liked and had done lots of petty little things to upset people.

Very unhelpful, I know, but I cannot stop laughing at 'cunting quiche'. It's just brilliant. This is how I'm going to refer to quiche for ever more (maybe not in public though)😄

Can’t be that. Patricia is “older” so she must be in the wrong.

So, who got to take the Cunting Quiche home in the end? It maybe worth bringing the quiche into the meeting with HR, in a new brand packaging, quickly designed today. Like a Laughing Cow or Flying Goose?

You shouted and swore at a colleague. You also used a word that many people find incredibly offensive - it’s not a word I would ever use in the workplace, under any circumstances.

Despite many people on this thread finding the situation and your choice of words hilarious, HR won’t.

In my workplace this would be misconduct and you would be at risk of a final written warning. The shouting would be classed as abusive behaviour in our code of conduct, and the swearing would be unprofessional conduct. If Patricia doesn’t like you and wants to push to a formal complaint, she could have grounds to do so based on your company’s grievance policy and you could be in for a really shitty Christmas here.

Rather than spending your weekend LOLing about it on mumsnet I would be seriously boning up on your company’s policies and procedures and preparing my response. This could be much more serious than you seem to think.

No basis to claim ageism here. Patricia was probably a cunt at every age.

Tbf, quiche lorraine is the best one

Hope her name really is Patricia and the use of it with the mention of her being old (both unnecessary) are not trying to play to and reinforce some shit stereotype.

I hope you have a sensible HR team who either a) refer you to your manager (as HR shouldn’t directly deal with matters, it should be for your manager to speak to you asking HR if they need advice on how to deal with you) and b) ask you for the recipe for said quiche.

Yes your language was poor, I don’t like the c word much but other than asking you to mind your language in the future and maybe avoid potluck situations as they appear to be triggering there isn’t much to be said imho.

This will be your chance to apologise and state what you think of this woman. I doubt they will be surprised if you tell them what you think of her, she probably has a reputation going before her.
There is always one to spoil it and if the company has any balls they will take note of what you say if not then they will be weak.
I hope that they are going to speak to her as well.
Good luck.

She wound you up. You snapped. It’s not ideal, but it’s also not a disciplinary issue.

According to the normal etiquette rules, people go home with the leftovers of the food they brought to share. The quiche didn’t magically become the property of anyone other than you when it was put on the buffet table. Your colleague was being persistently difficult. You tried to ameliorate the unexpected hostility. She continued. You snapped. It’s Christmas. It’s cold, dark and wet, you are tired and slightly stressed. She pushed you over the edge when you didn’t have the bandwidth that you normally have. That’s all.

Who took your quiche home?

Some of you must work in very uptight places. Swearing is/was common in every office I've ever worked in.

I don't often use the word cunt but I hear it frequently from some friends and colleagues (never my family or certain friends).

Like i said, i don't use it often (unless it's really deserved, like in this case) but I read an article (i think in the Sunday Times) maybe 20 years ago about how the fact that it's deemed to be more offensive than other words is basically misogyny and that women should reclaim the word and use it freely.

This is hilarious. Cunting Patricia.

This is like those threads where the "teacher sent DS out for saying he needed a pen".

You're in trouble for saying cunt. Nothing to do with the quiche.

It has everything to do with the quiche. She didn't just randomly shout CUNT for no reason.
Context matters

If anyone said that where I work, everyone would laugh, including Patricia. That said, nobody would be arguing about a quiche either, because none of us are tight😂.

OP - were you still on your lunch break when this incident occurred? If so, you could claim that, as you were not actually working (i.e. acting in your official capacity) at the time, the code of conduct doesn't apply.

There's quite a lot of previous precedents - particularly involving local councillors who did something naughty but claimed to be off duty at the time so got away with it. Worth general Googling if you have a spare half-hour.

One particularly interesting case related to Mayor Ken Livingstone when a 2006 High Court appeal determined he "had not failed to follow the Code of Conduct" as he was off duty...

Quite. I thought that was an interesting point. She's "older". She must be pathetic and unreasonable.

Yawn. What a reach.

If they focus on your language alone, I'd say you'd be looking at an informal resolution, ie, told not to use that language in future.
However if they focus on your loss of temper and shouting 'at' the woman, it could potentially be more serious as it will contravene the dignity at work policy. No one wants a staff member who loses control and shouts at other people, it makes you a liability so if they go down this route it could well be a formal warning.
If you've got history of similar in the last 12 months, I'd contact ACAS.