In trouble at work- over a quiche

[Coffeandtoast]

Good morning

So on Friday we had a little gathering in the office at work. We all agreed to take in various food items and my contribution was quiches and sausage rolls.

so I took four quiches. At the end of the gathering there was one whole quiche left unopened.we agreed that we’d just share out the untouched food

I said that I’d just take the unopened quiche as we would eat it at home. In then comes Patricia, an older woman who I generally find quite difficult to work with. She’s self opinionated and knows everything. I generally try hard to get on with her but she’s a massive PITA. So she said something along the lines of “ you can’t just take the quiche until we’ve discussed who’s taking what” . I explained that I wasn’t to fussed about any of it and that she could just take the quiche, she carried on with her chuntering and huffing and puffing at me. So this is where it went pear shaped, I just snapped and shouted- “ just take the cunting quiche, Patricia”

it’s all kicked off and I have a HR meeting tomorrow regarding my foul language!!!!

Yep.

These kinds of people seem to just be literal wind-up merchants for the sake of it...they just keep going on and on at you no matter what....was in this situation with someone recently and I literally just had to walk away as they wouldn't stop and they couldn't possibly by wrong....I was very tired and grouchy and very close to doing like OP and getting myself into trouble otherwise 🥴

I think that's pretty awful language yes
So to me that trumps whatever else happened
Could easily not have got to this stage if you'd expressed yourself normally

I hope you take a quiche with you to the meeting

The agreement between them all was that they would share everything that was leftover.

And the fact that Patricia is old.

🏃🏼
🦈

I’m really really not. I’m just giggling at something on a Sunday morning. I’ve already said I think OP should apologise. I’m not quite sure why you’re coming for me specifically.

Yeah sure.

Well done for getting to the heart of the periphery.

You deserve a ticking off by HR for the lingo but still OP, this thread is bringing me joy.

I lost my rag once with a colleague who from the start of the day came in, yet again, with negativity. Work was particularly stressful and trying to retain positivity was about all we had left.
After moan, moan, moan I snapped 'for fucks sake ive just had enough of the moaning '.
I got a minor slap on wrists but manager also spoke to other person about their draining, negative attitude that caused a colleague to feel pushed to the limit.

I want to hear Patricia’s side of the story. I bet she’s a Mumsnetter. 😁

Struggling to find the humour in this? Are people really crying with laughter here?

What I need to know is - did Patricia take the "cunting quiche" after making such a song and dance about it?

Agree. It’s someone trying too hard to do a penis beaker (which was about as funny as death, too).

Totally

They seem to be. Humour is very subjective.
It does remind me of yr9s laughing when someone swears in front of the teacher. A frisson of excitement about a naughty word.

yep, less the OP in isolation and more the replies in the thread though tbh!

I’d have complained too, frankly. Not just the language but the outburst. And I’d be amazed if this was the first time you’ve been like this. Yes, colleagues can be annoying (or family / fruends / neighbours / people in a queue / people on next table in cafe etc etc ) but you need to police yourself better.

I'm not seeing what your issue is supposed to be. Everyone agreed (that is, no one bothered to object to the consensus, including you) to divide everything up equally. Then you unilaterally announced that YOU would do something different (take the whole quiche home). When Patricia reminded you of the agreement, you suggested that instead SHE should do something different (take the whole quiche home). Then you got on your Huffy and rode around in penis-shapes shouting abuse and STILL misunderstanding both the consensus the group had come to AND Patricia's intervention. And then everyone clapped.

I'd put you on a PIP.

Depends where you work! I've worked in some incredibly sweary environments.

In one, no swearing was forbidden and one colleague was known as TFUC for years after a senior manager came in asking "Where's that fucking useless cunt [name])".

In another job, our chief officer was an utter twat who was known to almost all and sundry as "that cunt", which soon got abbreviated to "TC". It somehow came to his attention that he was known as TC, and that he was chuffed, because he thought it stood for "Top Cat".

I've recently retired, but my last job was in a sweary organisation. We had to curtail our use of fucking and cunt when a new colleague joined the team and didn't like it. She didn't stay long, as she struggled with working with clients with MH issues, and her replacement was an internal candidate who could win a swearing competition in an army barracks.

All of these jobs were in the public or 3rd sectors.

Exactly. I used to have a colleague like Patricia and this is exactly what she'd have done.

As the 'office manager' she spent her entire time at work organising things that didn't need organising, making us fill in forms that served no purpose at all, cleaning up after people that hadn't had a chance to finish eating and then complaining that people were messy and she 'had' to do it, the works and mostly not in her job description.

The OP has the patience of a saint to last that long without snapping and her reaction sounds perfectly reasonable to me. The rest of the colleagues were probably giggling and cheering inside.

Dear Viz readers, this is definitely a thing that happened and not a completely invented story written by a bored housewife on the boxed wine.

If we're not all wearing 'Just take the cunting quiche Patricia!' t-shirts in 2026 I'll be very sad 😂