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Original poster

How can I get out of buying for cousin’s kids?

67 replies

Whyst · 14/12/2025 19:08

I don’t have any kids. I love spoiling my nieces though.

Over the years I’ve somehow ended up buying for three friends’ kids (five of them with another on the way). It’s getting a bit much and has just grown since the first child in our group was born and I was her godmother.

Anyway, I spend Christmas with two cousins, amongst other family members. These cousins have always been very generous with my nieces. One cousin has had a baby this year. She lives abroad so buying any present would be cumbersome for her because she can’t get a load of presents back. My sibling is buying the baby a voucher which cousin can use once home. She’s asked me if I’m going to do the same. I don’t want to.

Cousin will have more children no doubt and my other cousin wants kids soon too. I’d be okay with a small gift like I do for friends’ kids but with vouchers you can’t really give less than £20.

But I don’t want to look cheap on Christmas Day when cousins are giving to nieces and sibling is giving to cousin’s baby and I don’t give anything to the baby.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whyst · 14/12/2025 19:18

Posted too soon.

How can I get around this when cousins always gave big Christmas presents to my nieces?

OP posts:
Specialagentblond · 14/12/2025 19:22

If they are hosting you then you should take presents but only what you can afford. Just give £10 vouchers. Or small toys. It didn’t matter what your sister gives, as she is getting presents for her daughters, so a token gift for you is fine.

Daisy12Maisie · 14/12/2025 19:23

I think you have to just not do it. Don’t start it.
If they buy you presents then ask them not to going forward. I have cut back this year for various reasons including a lack of money.

With the friends children just cut back as much as you possibly can. So get them all a book from Asda or something like that.

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Christmas Families General shopping
ToKittyornottoKitty · 14/12/2025 19:25

If you are spending Christmas with them then get them presents, but just a small token gift.

SpiritVaults · 14/12/2025 19:28

Hi.....this is one situation where you're going to have to admit that your finances are stretched,to yourself,if not your relatives, and either buy small gifts or explain your situation to the adults.Otherwise you'll end up feeling stressed or resentful for years on end.

Once you start ,you won't feel able to stop.

I'm sure they're decent people who wouldn't want you to be upset over this.

I don't have kids myself so other posters will probably have more creative gift solutions.

Original poster
Whyst · 14/12/2025 19:32

Specialagentblond · 14/12/2025 19:22

If they are hosting you then you should take presents but only what you can afford. Just give £10 vouchers. Or small toys. It didn’t matter what your sister gives, as she is getting presents for her daughters, so a token gift for you is fine.

My cousin isn’t hosting. I don’t want to buy small toys - if everyone did that they’d have a nightmare getting everything home. I don’t want to set an expectation that I buy for my cousins’ kids.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whyst · 14/12/2025 19:34

Daisy12Maisie · 14/12/2025 19:23

I think you have to just not do it. Don’t start it.
If they buy you presents then ask them not to going forward. I have cut back this year for various reasons including a lack of money.

With the friends children just cut back as much as you possibly can. So get them all a book from Asda or something like that.

They don’t buy for me.

I do just get friends’ children a small gift, usually £10-15. But there’s about to be eight of them and while I don’t mind buying for those children, I don’t want to start obligations to my cousins’ children.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whyst · 14/12/2025 19:35

ToKittyornottoKitty · 14/12/2025 19:25

If you are spending Christmas with them then get them presents, but just a small token gift.

They won’t want a token gift - they wouldn’t be able to get everyone’s token gift home.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whyst · 14/12/2025 19:37

SpiritVaults · 14/12/2025 19:28

Hi.....this is one situation where you're going to have to admit that your finances are stretched,to yourself,if not your relatives, and either buy small gifts or explain your situation to the adults.Otherwise you'll end up feeling stressed or resentful for years on end.

Once you start ,you won't feel able to stop.

I'm sure they're decent people who wouldn't want you to be upset over this.

I don't have kids myself so other posters will probably have more creative gift solutions.

My finances aren’t stretched. I am just not keen on starting an obligation to buy for children I very, very rarely see. But it is difficult because, as I say, cousins were generous to my nieces.

OP posts:
Sunshineandoranges · 14/12/2025 19:39

Just buy a chocolate santa or small christmas chocolate pack....my grandchildren remember this more than presents

constantnc · 14/12/2025 19:40

Just dont buy...they dont buy for you so that's easy.
For your friends kids stop the pressie and buy a £5 selection box.
Buy goddaughter a bible type book, or small piece jewellery, or nice card with lovely words.
Because your cousin is generous to your nieces it doesn't mean you have to buy for them...your nieces parents can 'return the favour'.
I bet noone complains.

SpiritVaults · 14/12/2025 19:49

Whyst · 14/12/2025 19:37

My finances aren’t stretched. I am just not keen on starting an obligation to buy for children I very, very rarely see. But it is difficult because, as I say, cousins were generous to my nieces.

Show quote history

I get what you're saying. I dissuaded a relative from sending birthday cards to adult 'children' we've never even met. It's pointless.

Original poster
Whyst · 14/12/2025 20:01

Sunshineandoranges · 14/12/2025 19:39

Just buy a chocolate santa or small christmas chocolate pack....my grandchildren remember this more than presents

That would be great, but she’s only a few months old.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whyst · 14/12/2025 20:04

constantnc · 14/12/2025 19:40

Just dont buy...they dont buy for you so that's easy.
For your friends kids stop the pressie and buy a £5 selection box.
Buy goddaughter a bible type book, or small piece jewellery, or nice card with lovely words.
Because your cousin is generous to your nieces it doesn't mean you have to buy for them...your nieces parents can 'return the favour'.
I bet noone complains.

Edited

I really don’t mind my friends’ kids. This year I’ve got them things like a colouring book, selection box and twisty straw Disney cup, or a Disney figurine you paint and a make your own bracelet set. They’re not expensive, it just all adds up and I just don’t want another potentially four or five children to buy for for my cousins’ kids if I start the expectation now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whyst · 14/12/2025 20:06

SpiritVaults · 14/12/2025 19:49

I get what you're saying. I dissuaded a relative from sending birthday cards to adult 'children' we've never even met. It's pointless.

Show quote history

I agree,

I’d happily get the baby a small gift but they can’t get gifts home so really it’s a voucher and I’d look cheap under £20. If I had my own kids I’d suggest just not buying for each other.

OP posts:
DarkForces · 14/12/2025 20:13

Buy a lottery scratch card for the parents as a family present maybe?

dinesaurrawr · 14/12/2025 20:16

Donate in their name instead?

Pineapplewaves · 14/12/2025 20:25

I would only buy a gift for my cousins kids if my cousin gave me a gift. If the cousins don’t give you anything there’s no need to buy something for their kids.

You don’t want to buy your cousins kids a gift, so don’t. You only need to buy a gift for whoever is hosting you for Christmas.

Will everyone be buying you a gift? If they don’t buy you anything, do you think they feel guilty when they’re sitting there opening their gifts and you haven’t got anything?

Original poster
Whyst · 14/12/2025 20:35

Pineapplewaves · 14/12/2025 20:25

I would only buy a gift for my cousins kids if my cousin gave me a gift. If the cousins don’t give you anything there’s no need to buy something for their kids.

You don’t want to buy your cousins kids a gift, so don’t. You only need to buy a gift for whoever is hosting you for Christmas.

Will everyone be buying you a gift? If they don’t buy you anything, do you think they feel guilty when they’re sitting there opening their gifts and you haven’t got anything?

The immediate families buy for each other but no presents are exchanged between the cousins or aunts and uncles. Then my nieces arrived and everyone (aunt, uncle and cousins) buys for them. Now cousin’s first child is here and my immediate family are al planning to buy for her.

OP posts:
PickledElectricity · 14/12/2025 20:42

Well, I'm afraid you are going to look cheap. There's not much you can do.

I do have to say I find it odd you're fine with buying tat for your friend but are stingy about family.

Original poster
Whyst · 14/12/2025 20:58

PickledElectricity · 14/12/2025 20:42

Well, I'm afraid you are going to look cheap. There's not much you can do.

I do have to say I find it odd you're fine with buying tat for your friend but are stingy about family.

I have spent a small fortune on my immediate family.

I know my friends’ kids and have a relationship with them.

Out of curiosity, why is it stingy not to buy for a cousin’s child?

OP posts:
exhaustedbeinghappy · 14/12/2025 21:06

When I had this issue I bought baby’s a small toy and all the others a Christmas mug with hot chocolate/marshmallows in. I know those sorts of presents are seen as boring especially on MN, but they they all had something to unwrap and it kept the cost down for me

Justmadesourkraut · 14/12/2025 21:07

Either don't buy at all, or M and S have this cute little baby comforter as a token gif for £6 which would fit into a suitcase easily. You could make a 'Welcome to the world ' card to make it clear it's a special one off gift www.marksandspencer.com/peter-rabbit-comforter/p/clp60706052?color=BLUEMIX&extid=ps_ps-pla-pmax_ggl_kw_ch__-UK-_-_boys&cq_src=google_ads&cq_cmp=21607026171&cq_con=&cq_term=&cq_med=pla&cq_plac=&cq_net=x&cq_plt=gp&gclsrc=aw.ds&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=21617361991&gclid=CjwKCAiA3fnJBhAgEiwAyqmY5S3rXKwTu7itAnnmf-whHudTaST1wtcS-Aw9j28VhYjI_XT_e7q5rBoCIMMQAvD_BwE

Sunflower459 · 14/12/2025 21:16

Could you contribute to a gift that’s from all of your immediate family? That way the cousin’s kids get a gift and all of your immediate family keep the cost under control.

I’ve been a lot stricter with my buying the last few years, too, including the adults agreeing not to buy for each other. It takes the pressure off everyone involved. It was getting out of control at one point. Don’t let people convince you that it’s stingy to not spend a fortune on everyone around you.

Galliano · 14/12/2025 21:16

https://amzn.eu/d/4OjxSGg

give this for the baby to be read to whilst you are all together - I think if you’re giving attention with it it doesn’t need to set a precedent for future years

Amazon.co.uk

Amazon.co.uk

https://amzn.eu/d/4OjxSGg?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum--chat-5459970-how-can-i-get-out-of-buying-for-cousins-kids