How can I get out of buying for cousin’s kids?

[Whyst]

I don’t have any kids. I love spoiling my nieces though.

Over the years I’ve somehow ended up buying for three friends’ kids (five of them with another on the way). It’s getting a bit much and has just grown since the first child in our group was born and I was her godmother.

Anyway, I spend Christmas with two cousins, amongst other family members. These cousins have always been very generous with my nieces. One cousin has had a baby this year. She lives abroad so buying any present would be cumbersome for her because she can’t get a load of presents back. My sibling is buying the baby a voucher which cousin can use once home. She’s asked me if I’m going to do the same. I don’t want to.

Cousin will have more children no doubt and my other cousin wants kids soon too. I’d be okay with a small gift like I do for friends’ kids but with vouchers you can’t really give less than £20.

But I don’t want to look cheap on Christmas Day when cousins are giving to nieces and sibling is giving to cousin’s baby and I don’t give anything to the baby.

I disagree with bringing finances into it. I wouldn’t disclose my personal finances - that makes things awkward for everyone. Just don’t gift the children. That’s perfectly reasonable and you don’t owe an explanation and you don’t have to lie:

you won’t start gifting if you get a promotion or an inheritance - so don’t lie.

Cousin with a baby - can you buy a tree ornament with something Londonish (if relavent) to remind them of their first Christmas in uk (and not take up much space)?

I see you just have two options - buy nothing and don't worry what others do.

or buy a small gift - eg a book this year (paperback kids book or small board book, inexpensive and easy to travel with) then a selection box or chocolate once they're chocolate eating age. That way you won't feel you're not giving anything if you're worried about being the only one, but literally spending just a few pounds.

I have already explained this.

Because both cousins were child free and made a fuss of their cousin’s children, and one remains child free and still buys for his cousin’s children and will be handing gifts over on Christmas Day. So it feels expected.

Yes! Excellent idea.

Ohh it’s a tricky one if you are going to see them every Christmas and there are family expectations.
I think your options are limited and only you can choose.
You can go for a token gift e.g a small soft toy which say baby’s first Christmas or a tshirt born in 2025, Mammy’s little angel or similar. You shouldn’t worry too much about space, one tshirt is very small,
I wouldn’t give a voucher personally.
Of course you can give nothing, in this case I wouldn’t go into explanation. If asked by your parents or siblings I would tell that I only give gifts to siblings kids.

It’s ok for two siblings to have very different relationship with cousins. Both DH and I have none with ours whereas our siblings have close relationships with them. It’s due to combination of age difference, distance, different life stages and views.

I just wouldn’t buy , as you say you’ll be setting yourself up for a lifetime of present buying . I also can’t understand parents who have people buy for their children and offer nothing in return especially knowing that person may not receive anything if they don’t have a partner or children of their own . If you want to do something I’d write a card and give a tiny inexpensive first Christmas bauble . That’s it .

I just make it clear (nicely) that I buy for people I see on Christmas Day itself. If I don’t see someone on the day I don’t get a present. So if you see cousins children on Christmas Day then get them a present. If you don’t see them that day, then no present

My sister was child free - she never brought for my children - she’s a lot younger and broke.
I was OK with that, kids get a lot of toys from family and the house becomes full of stuff they don’t play with.
My mum sends the family enough money to pay for Panto. So I brought tickets every year. Rather than toys.

My younger sister was a single mother, we never expected gifts - although we brought the baby gifts - due to her also working 2 jobs being in college and the baby needing clothes.
My other sister has the same amount of kids as me so i brought for mins off her and she did the same - different countries saves on postal costs.

We all do things differently - and Im ok with that!!!

I was happy to see family we didn’t need stuff!

Apologies if you see the cousins on Christmas Day every year! In which care my comment is pointless

I think it is entirely normal for people to buy a new baby a gift at birth, a 1st Christmas/birthday gift and not thereafter

I’m not sure what you want from this thread - you’ve repeatedly said you don’t want to buy for them and rebuffed every suggestion for a compromise. Seems like you already have a plan you are happy with, ie not buying them anything, which is fine.

Too late for this year but from now on just buy a family gift - a board game and a box of chocolates - or even better if you can persuade them not to exchange gifts at all.

Id just not start, I agree with others. Don't start with any obligation.

Also They probably won't even notice you've not got the baby anything and like you say will be glad not to cart a lot of gifts home in suitcases.

My mother taught me to deal with situations like this by turning up with wine/champagne, orange juice, nice chocolates, cheese, dips, and brownies or a Yule log etc from a nice bakery.

That way, you aren’t coming empty handed, but there’s no need to do individual presents for everyone there

I agree. This is the right thing for parents to do.

I was a bit of a mug and bought presents for my childhood friends three kids birthday for several years until I one day woke up and realised it wasn’t reciprocated by her at all. I’d have been happy with even a card or her treating me to the occasional coffee or something.

Whereas another friend with kids does make an effort to send me a present and/or send lovely birthday messages from her and the kids. And it’s the thought and effort that counts for me really.

Well if "it feels expected" to you what was the point of you starting a thread entitled "How can I get out of buying for cousins' kids"? Despite your repeated posts that you "don't want to" buy anything for them, "set a precedent", etc., you've clearly never had any intention of not buying them something because you feel the weight of expectation that you don't even really know exists on your cousins' parts (you could, of course, just have an adult conversation with them and explain your situation - you may be pleasantly surprised).
Every year millions of people spend money on presents they can't really afford simply because they're put under pressure by somebody buying them a present (except you aren't even a recipient of your cousins in this ludicrous quid-pro-quo game!). Present-giving should be a joyful thing to do - if you're giving a gift out of obligation where's the joy in that? And now you think buying a Christmas bauble is the solution. Why? Because it's cheap inexpensive? It still sets a precedent for buying presents for this new baby every year (and all the other children your cousins subsequently have) - are you going to buy them all a Christmas tree decoration every year?
Seriously OP, it takes just one person in a family to be brave and suggest you don't perpetuate this (not so)merry-go-round of buying presents that none of you likely need or want (and maybe some can't afford) so you can get back to the real enjoyment of Christmas - simply spending it with the people you care about.