Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

How can I get out of buying for cousin’s kids?

67 replies

Whyst · 14/12/2025 19:08

I don’t have any kids. I love spoiling my nieces though.

Over the years I’ve somehow ended up buying for three friends’ kids (five of them with another on the way). It’s getting a bit much and has just grown since the first child in our group was born and I was her godmother.

Anyway, I spend Christmas with two cousins, amongst other family members. These cousins have always been very generous with my nieces. One cousin has had a baby this year. She lives abroad so buying any present would be cumbersome for her because she can’t get a load of presents back. My sibling is buying the baby a voucher which cousin can use once home. She’s asked me if I’m going to do the same. I don’t want to.

Cousin will have more children no doubt and my other cousin wants kids soon too. I’d be okay with a small gift like I do for friends’ kids but with vouchers you can’t really give less than £20.

But I don’t want to look cheap on Christmas Day when cousins are giving to nieces and sibling is giving to cousin’s baby and I don’t give anything to the baby.

OP posts:
PigeonsandSquirrels · 14/12/2025 21:20

Buy a multipack of books and gift everyone one a book. You can get 10 for £10.

Original poster
Whyst · 14/12/2025 21:26

PigeonsandSquirrels · 14/12/2025 21:20

Buy a multipack of books and gift everyone one a book. You can get 10 for £10.

Thanks. Everyone is sorted except for the baby.

OP posts:
constantnc · 14/12/2025 21:56

I just wouldn't buy for baby. They don't buy for you, they wont expect a gift. Stop worrying about it. Ooh and aah over baby is enough really.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Christmas Families General shopping
Original poster
Whyst · 14/12/2025 22:06

constantnc · 14/12/2025 21:56

I just wouldn't buy for baby. They don't buy for you, they wont expect a gift. Stop worrying about it. Ooh and aah over baby is enough really.

This is what I’d like to do. I just worry that my sister has got her a gift voucher then I turn up empty handed. But the only kids my sister is buying for are her own two and one niece on her DH’s side.

OP posts:
KilliMonjaro · 14/12/2025 22:08

It’s a baby - just get some booties or a hat from somewhere cheap like H&M.
Get the other kids a nice book each and some chocolate coins.
Job done.

Mulledjuice · 14/12/2025 22:09

Whyst · 14/12/2025 19:37

My finances aren’t stretched. I am just not keen on starting an obligation to buy for children I very, very rarely see. But it is difficult because, as I say, cousins were generous to my nieces.

Show quote history

I dont entirely understand how it matters what they did for your nieces? That creates a dynamic for your sister, not you?

littleturtledove · 14/12/2025 22:30

I don't think it's stingy at all not to buy for cousins' kids (as you say, it's sometimes just a question of where do you draw the line), but I think you'll probably have to accept that your options are a) get the voucher and feel a bit annoyed about it, b) get an inexpensive token gift that is as easily transportable as possible (nice paperback picture book?) and shrug your shoulders over the issue of how they'll get it home, or c) get a much cheaper voucher or nothing at all (totally fine) and accept any minor awkwardness on the day. Just pick whichever one feels like it'll annoy you the least!

Original poster
Whyst · 14/12/2025 22:44

KilliMonjaro · 14/12/2025 22:08

It’s a baby - just get some booties or a hat from somewhere cheap like H&M.
Get the other kids a nice book each and some chocolate coins.
Job done.

The other kids aren’t the issue. My worry is if I get the baby a little outfit or whatever Im going to be stuck buying for her, any siblings she may have, and any children of my other cousin for years to come. I don’t want to set the precedent but feel stuck.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whyst · 14/12/2025 22:46

Mulledjuice · 14/12/2025 22:09

I dont entirely understand how it matters what they did for your nieces? That creates a dynamic for your sister, not you?

Show quote history

Because both cousins were child free and made a fuss of their cousin’s children, and one remains child free and still buys for his cousin’s children and will be handing gifts over on Christmas Day. So it feels expected.

OP posts:
KilliMonjaro · 14/12/2025 23:05

Whyst · 14/12/2025 22:44

The other kids aren’t the issue. My worry is if I get the baby a little outfit or whatever Im going to be stuck buying for her, any siblings she may have, and any children of my other cousin for years to come. I don’t want to set the precedent but feel stuck.

Show quote history

No one can answer this for you.
I’d just get them something. It’s Christmas!

If you don’t want to buy loads of presents get them a family gift - huge box of chocs / a game or something?

Nancylancy · 14/12/2025 23:07

If they don't buy for you, why would they expect something from you?
A card will be fine.

Cornishclio · 14/12/2025 23:11

Just don't buy for them. They may or may not think you are stingy but I am assuming they do not buy presents for you so there is no reciprocal expectation. Your sibling has children and your cousins have bought for them so she is buying for their kids but you do not so why should you have to pay for children you never see except at Christmas.

VikaOlson · 14/12/2025 23:12

You don't want to and you don't exchange gifts with your cousin, so don't!

Original poster
Whyst · 14/12/2025 23:16

Nancylancy · 14/12/2025 23:07

If they don't buy for you, why would they expect something from you?
A card will be fine.

Because it’s a baby. A baby can’t buy for people.

OP posts:
TartanMammy · 14/12/2025 23:17

Just don't buy for them. If the cousins have been generous to your nieces and you think the favour should be returned then that's up to your nieces parents to do that.
I don't buy for my cousins or their children, my mum does though but we agreed it stops there otherwise it gets out of hand.

Nancylancy · 14/12/2025 23:19

Whyst · 14/12/2025 23:16

Because it’s a baby. A baby can’t buy for people.

Show quote history

I know it's a baby - but when friends buy for my kids, I buy for them.
I don't do Xmas presents with friends generally, but one of them buys my kids bday and Xmas gifts - and I reciprocate by buying for them.
I suppose you could get a baby gift due to it being baby's first Christmas, then don't get anything in the years after that. I don't think that seems unreasonable!

pizzaHeart · 14/12/2025 23:19

So you don’t see this cousins often but see them this Christmas? How often do you see them? Is it unusual or do you see them every Christmas?

Nancylancy · 14/12/2025 23:20

Nancylancy · 14/12/2025 23:19

I know it's a baby - but when friends buy for my kids, I buy for them.
I don't do Xmas presents with friends generally, but one of them buys my kids bday and Xmas gifts - and I reciprocate by buying for them.
I suppose you could get a baby gift due to it being baby's first Christmas, then don't get anything in the years after that. I don't think that seems unreasonable!

Edited
Show quote history

Sorry by this I mean my friend doesn't have kids - so I buy for the friend. Parents should reciprocate sort of on behalf of their kids, I think. I do anyway.

OSTMusTisNT · 14/12/2025 23:30

I wouldn't be buying for distant family in general or anyone i don't see from one year to the next. I don't even buy for my sister and all her family nowadays.

However, I would make a point of bringing something for everyone I'll be spending Christmas day with.

E.g All kids would get a Selection Box or Chocolate Santa, socks or hat or babygrow for the baby. Adults, bottle of Prosecco for each couple or small box of chocolates etc.

Original poster
Whyst · 14/12/2025 23:30

pizzaHeart · 14/12/2025 23:19

So you don’t see this cousins often but see them this Christmas? How often do you see them? Is it unusual or do you see them every Christmas?

Edited

Every Christmas. Maybe once or twice more throughout the year.

OP posts:
OhDear111 · 14/12/2025 23:32

@Whyst Book token for £10? Or Amazon voucher? Or just a card! Don’t start giving if you don’t want to. Draw a line in the sand.

Original poster
Whyst · 14/12/2025 23:32

Nancylancy · 14/12/2025 23:20

Sorry by this I mean my friend doesn't have kids - so I buy for the friend. Parents should reciprocate sort of on behalf of their kids, I think. I do anyway.

Show quote history

That is very much not my experience. None of my friends buy for me despite me buying for their kids. That’s not why I buy for them of course but it’s very thoughtful of you.

OP posts:
Bellyblueboy · 14/12/2025 23:38

Just don’t buy for them - no one will even notice

i am child free. I have 14 cousins who have about 30 children - I get a present when a new baby is born but never started the Christmas or birthday present routine with any of them.

I buy for my own niece and nephew and for my best fiends two children - that is it.
my best fiend get me a present ‘from the children’.

hust don’t buy the cousins children gifts this year - it’s not stingy.

AngelicKaty · 14/12/2025 23:47

@Whyst You. Just. Don't. Do. it.
I'm sorry OP, but you keep talking about your cousins being so generous to your nieces as if that has anything to do with you. You're not their mother - your sibling is. Your cousins are buying gifts for your nieces, so your sibling is buying gifts for their children, but you don't have any children so how does this situation involve you at all? Simply don't buy them anything - I'm sure your cousins don't expect you to.
If I'd ever had to buy presents for all my cousins, let alone their children, I'd have been in the poor house years ago!

caringcarer · 14/12/2025 23:49

Just say finances are tight ATM so you won't be buying gifts for cousins or their DC. What your cousins and sister/ niece do is not anything to do with you. Just don't start the gifts or it is hard to stop.