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Original poster

To attend shower with newborn…

61 replies

Mumtobe2025x3 · 29/11/2025 22:36

Hi all,
I have a new born baby who is 23 days old. It’s my friend’s baby shower tomorrow and I feel really anxious about whether to attend or not. I cannot leave my son with his dad alone yet as I’m not ready to leave him and my husband (who is brilliant, isn’t ready I feel to be on his own).
My friend doesn’t have an expectation of me to come but I am a people pleaser and I feel bad if I don’t go as she came to my shower, helped decorate and do things and got me lovely gifts and I’d feel awful if I didn’t go.
The shower is in a hall just for two hours with around 30 people I think roughly. I don’t want anyone holding him which I won’t allow other than my friend, but I’m also worried about germs and virus due to the time of year.

I currently have a sore throat and cold which he had obviously been exposed to.

I have suffered with the baby blues quite bad so I’ve been going out alot since he was about 12 days old to get out the house which makes me feel better, so he has been to a garden centre and couple of restaurants for lunch so been out and about. But I feel like in a small hall with people circulating may be a bit unsafe for him. I do feel anxious taking him places but always make sure they’re well ventilated areas and I don’t do anything I’m not comfortable with.
I am fine not going because I feel a lot better that I’ve been going out so I don’t feel I need to go tomorrow for my own mental health, but more so I feel bad on my friend, but also worried it’s too early and I’m exposing my newborn in an environment with people missing.

Any advice!?

OP posts:
PurpleBane · 29/11/2025 22:38

Is it possible to just pop in for a cup of tea? Take baby in a sling so others can’t hold take him off you, and just say you’re still feeling a bit tired, but wanted to wish your friend the best.

Ohthatsabitshit · 29/11/2025 22:41

Get dh to drive you and pop in leaving him in the car with the baby for half an hour. Then go home. It’s fine.

BananaMilkshake77 · 29/11/2025 22:46

Sorry but your being abit silly.

No difference going there to you going out usually which you have been doing so I'd be upset if I was your friend. I went to my bf wedding (all day!) when mine was the same age , wouldn't of dreamt of not showing up for these reasons.

options - put baby in carrier and attend this way no one will hold him. Or keep in the pram lifting out for feeds, popping back.

or give your DH a chance as he'll never learn otherwise. But I more understand if your not ready to leave baby.

I would not make my DH drive me unless I could not drive still (c section) and even then I wouldn't expect him to wait around.

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IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour · 29/11/2025 22:48

I’d have Husband in the car with baby for half an hour while I popped in.

AnneLovesGilbert · 29/11/2025 22:48

Don’t go anywhere near a pregnant woman with a cold and a sore throat.

LeeshaPaper · 29/11/2025 22:48

I wouldn't go. Baby is small, you're anxious (understandable). Plus your pregnant friend might not appreciate you bringing your cough!!

TheChosenTwo · 29/11/2025 22:49

Can you ask dh to drop you then he can do something for half an hour with the baby, walk in a park, pick up dinner bits or whatever, the baby and dh will cope for 30 minutes while you stop and have a cup of tea!
Would be nice for you to have 30 minutes to yourself and also celebrate your friend without pulling focus by turning up with a baby.
Or just let her know you can’t make it. If it’s being held in a hall there are definitely more than a handful of people attending anyway so it would be fine.

CheeseWisely · 29/11/2025 22:49

I say go, you only need to stay for an hour, if that. We went to a birthday party when DS was 11 days old and I just kept him in a sling for the majority.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 29/11/2025 22:50

Ideally dont go - beg off sick and say you dont want to infect her.

if you must:
Go see her 30 mins before or arrive bang on time give a gift and leave.

Asunciondeflata · 29/11/2025 22:51

Don't go. As pp said, you'll just spread your cold around, who needs that? Not the pregnant friend for sure.
Relax and stay warm at home. Can you speak to someone about your anxiety?

sittingonabeach · 29/11/2025 22:53

Can’t imagine mum to be wants your germs

Swimmingbackwards · 29/11/2025 22:55

You have a cold and sore throat - stay home if you are ill. If you go why don't you all go to the venue and your dh takes your dc for a walk for an hour or so and you stay at the shower then you all go home.

sprigatito · 29/11/2025 22:56

I’d give her a ring and say you’re worried about passing on the bug you’ve got to her. I’d be really surprised if she told you to come anyway.

Teenagerantruns · 29/11/2025 23:00

If you are sick stay at home, but l cant imagine why you couldn't leave your baby with its dad for an hour or so.

littleorangefox · 29/11/2025 23:01

I took my 6 day old baby to a 5th birthday party in winter that my other kids were all invited to. It was in a hall, there were a lot of people there and it was very loud. Baby slept the whole time. I just sat holding him and mostly people just said congratulations but nobody touched him. Or breathed on him 😂 But I guess it depends on the type of people going and how well you know them etc whether they will ask to hold the baby. Ultimately, it's up to you and how you feel about it but there's nothing wrong with it.

Edited to add if you're unwell then don't go because that isn't fair on others. Didn't see that bit when I read the first post initially.

TwinklyNight · 29/11/2025 23:02

Has your dh ever changed, bath, fed and burped his own child? If so then stop worrying and go to the shower.
PS. If you're sick definitely do not go!

PeonyBulb · 29/11/2025 23:07

Obviously you shouldn’t be going with your cold anyway

mondaytosunday · 29/11/2025 23:08

Ok well I had a totally fiffrrrnt take with my kids. After we got home the next day we had haig a dozen visitors - all had turns holding the baby sbdcttexday after we had more and went out to a restaurant. At three weeks old with my health visitor’s (who didn’t actually visit but at the baby clinic) encouragement, I joined a post natal group. I went gut a walk most days like you but went to a coffee shop which had possibly more people than your shower. I was totally happy with other people holding my baby.
But I respect your choice but why not do as people say and have your DH take you and edit in the car? Your baby will be fine for an hour or so.

CoraLea · 29/11/2025 23:09

You are ill, why are you considering going anywhere? Keep your germs to yourself.

SallyDraperGetInHere · 29/11/2025 23:14

Stay home! Get some Sunday rest for your sore throat, and be with your baby. Dont put yourself under pressure. And although it’s your friend’s shower, you might find yourself the unwilling centre of attention, with everyone asking you questions, which you might not feel up to right now. Send your friend a lovely message.

Lavender14 · 29/11/2025 23:18

I think the main concern in all this is actually the fact you're under the weather. If she's heavily pregnant I'd not want to pass that on to her so I think you need to think carefully about how contagious you are likely to be to her.

If you think it's OK and you still want to go, then I'd actually message her directly and say you really want to attend but you're still finding it a bit nerve wracking having dc around lots of people because you're worried about rsv with the time of year, so firstly is it OK for you to bring dc, and secondly would it be OK if you called in briefly because you think it's all your PPA can handle at the moment.

I'd be really honest because she's more likely to understand that. I'd say you are being a bit ott, but i also don't judge you in the slightest for it because I felt the exact same with my ds who I had 3 weeks before Christmas so I totally get the worry about them being passed around at peak cold/flu season. When I went to Christmas things I just wore him in a wrap and told people he'd had an unsettled day and was only settled when he was on me. I know some people were disappointed but I didn't really care to be honest. It was also a good excuse to avoid relatives who are very heavy smokers from holding him.

My next question is what support you have had with your ppd and ppa? Just because it's very common and normal does not mean you need to live with it? Speaking to my hv was the best thing I could have done.

Teenytwo · 29/11/2025 23:21

I would have been annoyed if someone spread something to me at my baby shower.

I think it’s sad that you don’t feel your DP is ready to look after the baby alone. I can understand not wanting to be away from your baby but not trusting he can look after them is a real shame.

suburberphobe · 29/11/2025 23:26

23 day old baby?

Please stay at home! You are PP!

Theboymolefoxandhorse · 29/11/2025 23:32

@Mumtobe2025x3 don’t go

  1. you don’t feel well - you don’t want to spread that around
  2. you don’t feel comfortable having lots of people holding your baby at the moment (understandably) and it sounds like you don’t thjnk you’d have the agency to say so at the shower
  3. your friend is having quite a large shower with lots of guests - she probably won’t even notice you’re not there

make your apologies and pop round with some nice gifts when the baby is born. If you feel really bad she’s a super close friend go for a nice lunch with her once baby is here - you will both be in Mat leave (hopefully) which will be nice. I think you’re making this bigger than it is in your head

Theboymolefoxandhorse · 29/11/2025 23:32

Oo and congrats on your baby !!