Has anyone been to or experienced a direct crematorium funeral?

[JacknDiane]

I mean the most basic type of funeral you can have, where there's no service or cremation with friends or family involved, basically when you die you get cremated and your ashes get picked up by the family and its up to them what happens next.
I'm looking at costs and the basic one I've outlined above is much more affordable to us.
But I've never experienced anything other than a funeral where you go to the church/or funeral place and the coffin is cremated and music is played and family make speeches eg. attend...then afterwards you go somewhere like a local hotel for tea and sandwiches.

Im just wondering what happens with the most basic cremation if none of this stuff happens.

I know its completely up to the individual and what we can all afford, but I just wanted to hear from anyone who has experienced a basic cremation funeral direct eg. Not a gathering when the cremation took place.

Thank you.

Yes BIL died suddenly abroad and we decided to have him cremated abroad and the ashes returned to us. We then hired a local venue that does weddings and other events for a memorial service about a month later, so that family had a chance to travel as most lived overseas.

In some ways it was harder because there was less of a ‘process’ and there was a lot of arguing about what to do, where to do it etc but I can see that it gives a lot of freedom for holding it in different locations or making it more personal.

My father in law did, just had a little party/wake after he’d been cremated. It was nice. It’s what I want as well.

Both my parents had direct cremations. My Dad died of cancer in the middle of lockdown and instructed my Mum to 'put me out with the rubbish'. He didn't want any fuss and my Mum who was disabled and grieving was not really in a state to organise a full funeral. We paid for the cremation before Dad died. We later held a High Tea Memorial at beautiful local venue with friends and family. Not all of their friends 'approved' but it was what my parents wanted so I didn't feel guilty. The company we used were excellent and lovely to talk to and were particularly kind to my mum when my Dad died at home - driving away that day from the house I grew up in is something I'll never forget. My mother was so impressed with both the 'Celebration' and direct cremation that she told me very clearly that she would like the same, so when she died unexpectedly a few months later that is what we did.

A year later we scattered their ashes at the place they requested in Scotland and had a cup of tea afterwards. There were actually some funny moments that day but I'll leave that for another thread.

It did feel a little strange knowing the day they were each going to be cremated and doing 'nothing'. I didn't live near my parents so instead we went to a town park near me, that my parents loved to visit with their grandchildren, and had a picnic with a glass of fizz and toasted them that day. It felt right.

One of my parents has already arranged this, it seems to be increasingly popular, presumably funeral directors will be losing a significant amount of revenue as a result.

Don't be so bloody ridiculous!

I was a funeral arranger. Often the family are not given a choice of date as the funeral director will fit in the trip with other business. The deceased are treated with exactly the same respect as if it was a "normal" funeral. Deceased is taken to the same crematorium as for attended services, but the crem usually saves the early slots for the direct cremations. (Eg 7am that no-one else wants). Often the deceased will be transported in a private ambulance (black van used for collecting deceased from hospitals etc) again, to help save on the costs, but funeral staff will be correctly attired. We used to collect the ashes for the family so that they could collect from us.

I'm not sure where you're getting this "factory cremation" idea from?

We done a straight to cremation 5 weeks ago for my DF. Cost just over £1800. He stayed at the funeral home until death certificate was ready. They then let you know place/time/date of the cremation which was 6 days after certificate was ready. We picked up his ashes a week after the cremation took place. Really straight forward and the funeral home kept us updated all of the way

I think this is absolutely the way for me - thanks for raising it. It’s a relief to know it isn’t that expensive. Surely then you can gather wherever you like - home, garden, beach, pub and say goodbye. Save a lot of stress and trauma I reckon.

Not ridiculous, it depends on whether you book a direct cremation with a local funeral director (which tend to be as you describe), or one of the national cremation companies. When the national companies come to collect the deceased from the hospital mortuaries they often collect several bodies at once, essentially using the hospital mortuary as ‘free’ storage until they’re ready to collect several at a time. All of the deceased are taken to a warehouse (often out of county) to reside until cremation at their premises. I can understand that this may feel factory-like to some, but if you’re not fussed about what happens to your body after you die then I suppose it doesn’t matter.

She’s not wrong though. It is just the crematorium staff putting the coffin into the crem when they have a slot. There is no ceremony or attendees. Whether the funeral staff are wearing the right gear or not is kind of irrelevant seeing as nobody will be there. Of course they respect the body, it would be a scandal if they didn’t but let’s not pretend it is something it isn’t.

I did this with my mum. Although the funeral directors did a Direct Plus thing (not called that!) because they owned the crematorium. It was £1500, but I got a colourful cardboard coffin which added to the price.

I could view her the day before, then on the morning about 8.30 (they did them before and after normal cremation times) when the hearse arrived at the crem I walked her in with music playing. I could have stayed for 5 mins, but walking her in and saying goodbye was enough. The woman I'd been dealing with was there, and two attendants to take the coffin in on the trolley.

It was really nice and just what she would have liked. A few months later we had a family and friends celebration of her life.

This is exactly what I intend to have and my family are happy with it.
I’m not religious, I strongly dislike funerals and services at the crematorium so it’s perfect for me.

I’m following this with interest. Direct cremation seems less traumatic for those left behind. I find funerals an absolute torture -and that is for more distant relatives, grandparents, aunts, etc. I have yet to lose a partner, parent or sibling and I live in dread of it (but parents are both in their 80s, so…)

It’s something we are used to in my family, been doing this for years. I had some of mum’s ashes made into jewellery for the family who wanted them too. When it’s my turn the same will happen to me

I've no direct experience but as far as I'm concerned once a person is dead their body is no longer them, amd they don't know anything. The most important thiis that family and friends have the opportunity to celebrate the person's life, share memories and comfort each other. That can be done in whatever setting suits those left behind. I can't see the benefit of watching the coffin go behind a curtain.

Yes, my dad last year.

It cost £1,800.

He died in a care home. They went to pick him up. We didn’t have a choice of date for the cremation, but we could chose between two places.

We got given the date and went along. We didnt have to - it would have been £300 cheaper if we didn’t attend but we wanted to.

You could only have up to 8 people attend, but there’s only me and dh and the 3 children anyway so that didn’t matter.

You couldn’t say anything, but were allowed to chose 3 songs. You could also send a photograph to be put on the big screen at the front.

We could have spent extra money on a coffin (I got the cheapest they did which was still extortionate, I’ve never understood paying thousands), we could have had cars pick us up (again, why? What a waste), we could have had flowers (why would I waste all that money to look at flowers for ten minuets? He didn’t even like them when he was alive, said they were a waste of money).

We just sat and looked at his coffin, because there were so few of us, the woman said, just go and stand next to it if you like. So we did. my then 3 year old kept knocking on it and asking if he was a zombie now and then dropped her crisps all over it. That would have had my dad in hysterics.

They delivered his ashes to the house a few weeks later.

We then had a lovely day a few months later. His ashes were allowed to be interred at the church where he was christened and where all his grandparents are buried. It was just the 5 of us, and the vicar in a lovely sunny day, my children spoke about him, we all had a laugh about how miserable he was, we played his favourite songs on a cd player while the children ran around the church yard laughing and playing. He would have loved that.

The cremation wasn’t his funeral - that was. The cremation to me was just a means to an end.

Funerals are for the living. The dead person doesn’t know it care that you’ve spend thousands on cars and flowers.

This is what we are planning for frail DH. Our parish priest is happy to do the full works with an urn instead of a coffin.

My parents were both cremated like this. Dad died at home, went to the hospital morgue as it was sudden then released the next day to the funeral director. He was then cremated at some point. Mum died in a nursing home a month later, was picked up by the FD that night and then the same. I picked up both sets of ashes from the FD together and then my brother and I scattered them. If it hadn’t been lockdown we would have had a service for them both.

If I had experienced one in any real terms I'd hope I wouldn't still be here to tell the tale. Else something really has gone wrong somewhere along the lines of communication?!

Sorry I just had that immediate reaction to the title, and thought it sounded amusing.

My friend wants this and so do I. I don't think I will have many mourners anyway so it makes sense for all concerned for my body to be simply dealt with and then anyone who wants to celebrate my life or mourn my passing can do so at their leisure.

My DF booked himself a direct funeral as he had no friends or family that would organise or pay for one for him otherwise.

After he died he was collected from the hospital by the company, taken to ?(we don’t know where he was taken to and stored) until his cremation a month later. We were told the day of the cremation but were not allowed to know the time. We had a choice of having the ashes sent to us in the post or scattered in the memorial garden at the crematorium. We opted to have the ashes scattered at the memorial garden and one family member attended as the staff member scattered the ashes.

Had DF not booked himself a direct funeral he would have received a “paupers funeral” which would have been the same thing but paid for by the local authority.

My local crematorium will do a direct cremation for £400.00 and you can collect the ashes afterwards so I recommend looking at what your local authority can offer, it will be much cheaper but I’m not sure if you can book and pay in advance like a private one.

I’ve experience a few and they’re great.

We had a direct cremation for my father 2 years ago, it cost around £1300 from a local funeral director. My DF had dementia, we had discussed what he wanted with him and we had a long time to prepare for his passing, he actually died 10 days before my mum”s surprise 80th birthday party so we remembered him then and didn’t feel we could ask people to travel again from all over the country to attend a funeral a few days later.

We are not a religious family and didn’t feel the need to have a more formal service, my DM has also requested a direct cremation.

Hello there, yes I have experienced what you're asking about actually three times in the last 15 years.

My grandmother, my grandfather, and my husband.
Each one of them, for various reasons, did not want to have a funeral service with a viewing, or any other type of public gathering, in a public place or at a funeral parlor.
When they passed away in hospital, their body was cremated, and then a few days later your contacted to come pick up the remains which are sealed in a plastic bag inside of a hard container.
A box approximately 35 cm by 15 cm by 10 cm I'm just guessing? Don't have a ruler on me at the moment.
The cost was between 1750-2000 pounds.
We had a immediate family only scattering of the ashes for my grandparents as they didn't have any other family / close friends to contact.
For my husband, I threw a massive open house celebration of life which was very similar to a family style Christmas party, in which many people contributed by bringing food (but I also had lots of food here, drinks, etc...) All the decorations were made by myself and they were large poster boards featuring photographs of my husband, photos taken from his entire life showing all the things that he had done, in his work, in his recreation, volunteering, funny times, family times... I took 1,000 photos and put them digitally on to a memory stick and put those on a rotating slideshow on different large screens so that anywhere that people were, a big beautiful photograph of him doing something lovely was on screen for about 15 seconds per image.

I also used a service but I found online that you can contact and they will send you a small kit in which you can put a small portion of your loved ones ashes in the kit, mail it back to them, and they can make you a memorial piece, I chose a glass pendant, but there were many other choices available including a lovely urn topper if that's what you want to do... In which they embed some of your loved ones ashes into this glass piece and create a unique personalized item for you. Mine looks like a little piece of the night sky trapped in glass, and it's given me an immense comfort to have this tiny little piece of him next to me.

More: The scattering of ashes in a public place can be a little bit tricky, you should never advertise that's what you're doing or make it incredibly obvious. There may be some bylaws in place about that. We did it covertly, and it was a family only small quick ceremony.

But yes, to circle back to your question, the cost was approximately £1750-2000 for us to just have the cremation, and then we decided what we wanted to do going forward in terms of providing closure. I have never enjoyed going to a funeral home, and I know other people feel the same way although there are other people (usually older generation) who think that that's entirely appropriate and that choosing a less conventional closure such as mine, is a bit odd. You do what you need to do based on whatever feels right for you, and like a wedding, I don't think a funeral should have to be something that you go into massive debt to be able to afford. There are many affordable options out there. And, if you are asking this question because you've recently lost a loved one, I'm sorry for your loss.
💜

I did something in between for my husband. I got a funeral director to arrange an unattended cremation, then we had the ashes scattered during a non-denominational service at a nearby natural burial ground. (He was a retired professional gardener, so we felt this was something he would have liked)

This is my thinking too.

I think 'getting together with other people that will miss them, to celebrate their life' is and important thing to do. As humans, many of us need some sort of coming together, and some chance to 'say goodbye' as it were in one way or another. That could be a religious service for those that want it, it could be a humanist ceremony somewhere, or it could be a getting together over a meal or just 'a pork pie and a pint' or a cup of tea and cake in someone's home of a local restaurant or hall, or even a picnic on a beach.
When a colleague and friend died a few years ago, there was no funeral as she felt there wasn't need as she had no faith. It felt really strange we had nowhere to 'go' to say goodbye. Then, about 3 months later, we were contacted by her dh who said they really felt something was missing about the whole process, so they did then arrange a gathering (in a local clubhouse) where people could come and have a cuppa, and a few people spoke about their memories of her. He said he (and their young adult dc) took so much comfort from that, he wished they had done it sooner.