Has anyone been to or experienced a direct crematorium funeral?

[JacknDiane]

I mean the most basic type of funeral you can have, where there's no service or cremation with friends or family involved, basically when you die you get cremated and your ashes get picked up by the family and its up to them what happens next.
I'm looking at costs and the basic one I've outlined above is much more affordable to us.
But I've never experienced anything other than a funeral where you go to the church/or funeral place and the coffin is cremated and music is played and family make speeches eg. attend...then afterwards you go somewhere like a local hotel for tea and sandwiches.

Im just wondering what happens with the most basic cremation if none of this stuff happens.

I know its completely up to the individual and what we can all afford, but I just wanted to hear from anyone who has experienced a basic cremation funeral direct eg. Not a gathering when the cremation took place.

Thank you.

Mum, Dad and Sis all had direct cremation funerals. We collected their ashes, scattered some at their respective favourite places and interred others with permission from the vicar in an ancestor's grave. I had the headstone recarved to reflect this. Each time we had a small gathering afterwards with cake and tea booze We are a family with no belief in any afterlife so it suited us.

A friend of mine had one. Her body was collected & shipped up to somewhere in the midlands where they cremate them. Then her ashes were sent back. It all felt a bit factory like, but each to their own.

i deal with funerals all the time, direct funerals have no service BUT many people organise a service of thanks giving once they have the ashes, you can contact your local church directly (not through the funeral director) and it can be scheduled at a convenient time to allow distant family and friends to book transport etc rather than quickly, particularly useful where flights are needed. If church isn’t your thing you could organise a secular celebration of life, our local pub has a side room that hosts them. It is a good option if attending the cremation isn’t something you are wanting to do and/or your loved one passed away a distance from you

We did this for my mum who was in her 90s. The co op arranged everything and we got the ashes a few days later.
Cost about £1500. We scattered the ashes
in the grounds of the church where she and my dad were married.
It was exactly what she wanted and my DH and I have requested the same.

Is there an option for just family to be there when there's a cremation?

I don't like the idea of mum being cremated just in the presence of strangers.

But the only bit I suppose I'd want is when the coffin goes off into the cremation area. With my dad's funeral, there was a service, and then me and Mum went to like a viewing window to see the coffin going.

And cremation takes hours, doesn't it? So perhaps I'm being silly.

it'll quite likely just be me and my cousin and my cousin lives a long way away and has a lot of health problems so may not come in any case.

I had a direct cremation for my dad. He said it was what he wanted and anyway there would have been very few people there. Instead we had an interment of his ashes where they were buried in the beautiful graveyard with his parents. We had a graveside gathering with a 'freelance' minister where we read poems and talked about his life. It was absolutely lovely, exactly what he wanted. And an awful lot cheaper.

We did one for my Mum. It was what she wanted. The funeral directors were an independent family firm. They were compassionate and made it as easy as they could. We chose a biodegradable urn design and made a date to collect her ashes some time afterwards. I think it was after a week or so but it was all a blur.

My brother held onto her ashes for another week or so, then we had a scattering at her favorite walking place, where each of her children and grandchildren read a poem or said something that was on their heart as a tribute. This was followed by drinks and a buffet in the local pub.

I feel it worked well, and not having the usual church / crematorium officiant conducting a generic ceremony made us dig a bit deeper to make the occasion fit her personality and honour her life.

I feel quite bad reading this thread

The main reason it's under discussion for mum is because I would never cope with a funeral.

So it would be cremation and then probably nothing else. Which is the reason I want to be there. Basically, I want to be there at the end though. I just don't want to deal with all the performance funeral stuff.

It sounds from this thread as if there is starting to be a middle option - described as ‘direct plus’ in one post above. So you get an unpopular time slot without much warning, but a small number of people can go to the crematorium. It’s interesting that this option is developing.

My mum was supposed to die a couple of years ago and due to logistics we considered direct cremation and I couldn’t bear the thought of it for her. Thank goodness she now lives in an area where we can have a more standard service and everyone can be there.

Yes we did this after my DF died. He died a long way from where family were and my DM’s ashes were buried. We wanted their ashes to be together. The funeral directors collected DF from the hospital where he died, they kept us informed of the details of the cremation. Afterwards I collected the ashes and took them back to the area where family were based. We had a ceremony to bury the ashes next to DM’s and family had a ‘wake’ nearby. I preferred this to a traditional funeral and have told my family this is what I want for myself.

My uncle died last year and he left no money in his will, we had a difficult relationship (he was an alcoholic and had lots of issues), but I loved him and wanted to do something for him. I paid for a direct cremation which was £1000 and they put a plaque at a local crem with the ashes.

I then hired a nice room and put on some food and we did our own memorial, I'd written something for him, his best friend when he was kid did, my daughter wrote a poem, I'd done a video of pictures and played one of his favourite songs and then we had a few hours of eating and chatting. It was laid back but special.

The direct cremation itself was super straightforward and easy.

My wonderful dad died suddenly in August. We had a direct cremation. He’d previously said it was what he wanted, but also my mum and sister couldn’t face a full funeral. The funeral director was wonderful. She explained that they are taken in a private ambulance, and she would say a few words before he went off. It sounded very dignified, and I’m glad he wasn’t ‘alone’. She initially said we wouldn’t know when it would happen as per the crematorium’s guidelines, but she called me the evening before to say it would be the next day. My mum, sister, aunt and I got together and had a chippy tea and a cry. We even put a jumbo sausage on a plate in the middle of the table for him, then gave it to the dogs. He would have loved that. It was a perfect send off for him. Minimal fuss, just like him. We just need to arrange a day to scatter his ashes in the garden of remembrance. I wouldn’t hesitate to have one for me, and my mum has already pre-paid hers based on our experience.

@EmeraldRouletteyou’d absolutely be able to do a cremation for your mum just as you want it to be. You’d just tell the funeral director that you want to be there, but just you. Our local crematorium offers 30 minute slots at the start and end of the day for significantly less than the standard ones, and I think exactly for smaller, no singing etc services.
The FD who dealt with my parents was incredibly helpful, and when I had to phone them the day before my mum died to check what to do, they couldn’t have been lovelier. So don’t be afraid to reach out to one and ask if it puts your mind at rest

Don't give yourself a hard time over it. You want to pay your respects without all the extra ritual. That's fine.

We did this For my mum. As her request.

But they opened the chapel at the funeral home, and me, my brothers, aunties and uncles (about 15 in total) sat round the coffin telling stories, reading poems etc… she was then taken a few days later to be cremated.

We held a celebration of life with around 50 friends and family the day after we’d picked up the ashes. It was much nicer than the black dark gloomy funerals I’ve known. We were young when my mum died (20s) and I think my mum knew we wouldn’t cope with a funeral, it was a lovely alternative ❤️❤️

eta… sorry just read your last post. My uncle was vehemently against the direct cremation. So he drove the crematorium on the day and they let him in!! They played music and closed the curtain and he was there, alone, whilst she cremated. Just added this in as your last post said you’d like to be there without the pageantry, so that might be an option.

@CMOTDibbler @TryingAgainAgainAgain thank you
That's helpful

I suppose it might seem a bit weird to them but I guess they see everything!

I guess I'm not asking them to do a direct cremation then

Mum is not bothered either way. She has forewarned her friends but they were weirded out by the whole conversation so she didn't get any comments from them.

Just picked the ashes up at a later date. In my family we don’t have funerals.

Yes, my mum. It was slightly weird, because with no service and no one in attendance when they're taken, it's a bit as if they've just disappeared.

We scattered her ashes in a familiar and nice place, and it's become a lovely place to go and contemplate. I think she'd be happy with where she is.

In retrospect, it was no better and no worse than a funeral with a service. It was mum's wish, and it suited our family.

Cost was around £1000.

I arranged something called a Simple Cremation for my DDad. There was a very short service and they are held early in the morning before the more popular times. It cost a few hundred pounds more than a direct cremation.

Don’t know if this is relevant to this post. My mum had a private cremation with only immediate family. We then had a memorial service at the church afterwards. A beautiful tribute to her life. Grandchildren payed tribute played Ukulele and spoke about her
this could be in private. My husband doesn’t want a funeral so it will be private with a celebration afterwards. You can Taylor it to suit which suits for you. I managed my grief easier this way.

Thank you to everyone who shared their experiences here. It has really opened my eyes.