"you're not sulking, are you?" - how would this make you feel??

[PunishmentRoundupWithJoon]

Just a vent. You're upset about something that your partner said they'd do. They don't do it. You feel sad and let down and frustrated. Consequently, when they call, you perhaps don't sound as 'perky' as usual, though you haven't said anything at that point (they know what they didn't do!).

Their first question: "you're not sulking, are you?"

Does that get your back up?

It certainly got mine up. I was all set to explain in a reasonable way how I felt, and then that. I just can't articulate how it made me feel. Even more frustrated, yes, but more.

Just interested in how it would make other people feel.

I would say yes I fucking am

and expect them to run around making up for letting me down (which he would/has)

I would say yes I fucking am

and expect them to run around making up for letting me down (which he would/has)

"I am NOW" and slam the phone down. Though you cant slam mobile phones down to hang up, sadly. Another little pleasure lost to time.

It's just so dismissive of a perfectly rational reaction isn't it?

It’s very annoying to be told that you’re doing something or behaving in a certain way, when you’re not. It means the person originally in the wrong is trying to turn things on you rather than take responsibility for their behaviour and apologise.

So, they did something wrong, haven’t apologised and somehow now you’re the one on the back foot, explaining or justifying or denying your apparent behaviour. And so they have deflected and never have to make that apology!

I’d say no, I’m reasonably fucking annoyed with you, why do you ask?

I would say, "No I'm not sulking, I'm angry. Are you feeling guilty?" But I'm not sure DH would have had a chance to hear that I'm 'not as perky as usual' as I would have brought it up straight away.

I think it's annoyed you as he's making out the sulk is your fault rather than him apologising for not doing something. Having said that, if you often 'punish' by sulking then it does get really irritating so perhaps he was anticipating it and thought he'd get that comment out of the way. Either way, you probably have to be open a bit more quickly about what's upset you (and then let it go) and he has to be quicker to say sorry. All the sulking and snarky comments will hurt each other very quickly.

I'd answer yes if I was. Might as well be honest and have it out rather than stewing in a bad mood.

@Afternoonbath - I wished him good luck in his dentist appointment that he was heading to and put the phone down.

@aft

Depends if you're actually sulking or not.
Sounds like you were tbh.

Wow that would piss me off. No im not sulking as I'm not 2 however I am pissed off that i married such a giant arse.

Thanks everyone - you've all articulated how I was feeling. @PrincessOfPreschool - yes, I was angry. But it felt like he was starting off by putting me on the backfoot.

It's a really shitty tactic.

To be fair, he wouldn't have meant anything malicious by it, he's not like that. But when it comes to emotions, feelings and handling these things, he's clumsy at times and because we are so different, he has no empathy to draw on. (he has empathy but he's massively laid back and doesn't grasp why people feel the way they do at times)

@NorthSouthEast - yes, that's exactly it, like they're trying to turn the tables!

Sulking implies a deliberate passive aggressive attempt to emotionally manipulate the situation.

Accusing someone of sulking as a way to try and dismiss their valid feelings of frustration/ disappointment/ anger because you've let them down, is just as bad!

@StrictlyAFemaleFemale - yes, that's it! Dismissive...

Agree.

@AltitudeCheck - yes. And I most certainly wasn't attempting to do that. I was all prepared to explain and just ask, please if he could remember to do what I've asked so many times. But all that went out the window when he confronted me with that question.

@gucciandscandal - great response!

You weren't sulking, you were pissed off.

Not the same thing at all.

@RescueMeFromThisSilliness - thank you. Yes, I was pissed off. And upset. That something I had specifically requested on a few occasions had once again been forgotten. We talk about communication so often and yet....these things still happen.

It leaves me despondent at times. Communication is so important to me. I can bust a gut explaining things but because we're so different, it just doesn't stick. Or it does, but not always.