"you're not sulking, are you?" - how would this make you feel??

[PunishmentRoundupWithJoon]

Just a vent. You're upset about something that your partner said they'd do. They don't do it. You feel sad and let down and frustrated. Consequently, when they call, you perhaps don't sound as 'perky' as usual, though you haven't said anything at that point (they know what they didn't do!).

Their first question: "you're not sulking, are you?"

Does that get your back up?

It certainly got mine up. I was all set to explain in a reasonable way how I felt, and then that. I just can't articulate how it made me feel. Even more frustrated, yes, but more.

Just interested in how it would make other people feel.

"Why would I be sulking." would be my response. Turn it back on him.

I really like this one. Another option may be directly asking him how he expected you to respond to that question.

I'd put remarks like "you're not sulking, are you?" in the same category as when people say to calm down (or worse 'let's calm down' when they mean you calm down). Even if it were to be accurate, it's unhelpful, thoughtless, and it's hard to imagine it ever actually promoting anything but feeling antagonised.

No idea what this issue is, something to do with not telling you they have arrived at the dentist? Why do they have to do this?
Also could be something to do with getting injured on way to dentist by people to do with work? Surely they don't have time to text or talk if dodging bullets?

But a general response to are you sulking would be of course, sherlock, what do you expect after xyz?

Children sulk, grown women get annoyed.

This reminds me.of when my ex says "Are you in a mood?"
Well, I wasn't but I fcking am now!! 🤬🤬🤬🤬

“About what?”

Yes, it’s annoying.

Like being told to calm down

Agree, sounds like he needs to walk on eggshells or apologise!

Am assuming (well hoping!) they are different events and op is talking about the not receiving a text after he’d finished a shift as a police officer, and the “I wished him well for the dentist” to show how magnanimous and caring and reasonable she is to forgive him. Although I would assume that rationally she’d know from very unfortunate means if he’d been injured on shift, either the joy of fb rubbish or the dreaded knock on the door from a senior officer.

@TwinkleTwinkleLittleBatgirl - yes, different events! As he was going to dentist, I didn't want to go into how I was feeling there and then as he hates the dentist so didn't want him to have any stress. Though he obviously knew how I felt, hence the comment.

We've spoken. And will speak again later today. I can absolutely believe that he meant it with some humour, as that's often his way of defusing a situation. This doesn't sit well with me and I've told him this!

@HoppityBun - yes, exactly like being told to calm down. Which is utterly infuriating.

@JudgeBread - thank you, I really appreciate your comment - and you're right!

Is it a recent thing that he hasn’t been so on top of messaging you to let you know that arrived safely? Or a recent thing that you’ve asked him to do this?

@DPotter - I like this 😊

Yes. Mine says ‘have you got the bod on now then?’ And my response it always the same.
’If you mean, are my feelings hurt then yes they are. It’s incredibly demeaning and misogynistic to speak the way you are. You wouldn’t ask a man if he has the bod on and it’s perfectly reasonable for me to feel upset with you about your actions.’

Nothing changes though. I’ve come to the conclusion that they think we’re 2nd class citizens and that they just tolerate us.

Couldn't agree more. It really is antagonistic. It's guaranteed to get your back up and it's bound to throw you off track. It won't be happening again!

How come so sure?
He hasn’t checked in with you multiple times.
So either accept that this doesn’t work for him (wouldn’t for many!) or… dump him because he will very likely do again?