Me in hospital and Dh work trip

[hgbvchj]

Last Tuesday I was admitted for a key hole surgery that didn’t go well. I have been in hospital since and had another op on Sunday. Now I am getting better and told I can leave by the end of the week. The problem is that Dh is supported to fly to china on Saturday

the problems we have are will I be able to take care of teen dc. PIL live four hours away and my parents abroad. No one nesteen

How old are the children?
I would have thought teens could be fairly good at looking after themselves - and you - with some direction and supervision.

What age? There's a difference between 13 and 19.
If 13, then maybe DH can't go.

Sorry you've had surgery problems, I hope you recover well from here on.

13 and 15

I am worried that I need to be remitted

The kids are more than old enough to sort themselves out.

The teens can look after you.

They’ll be fine. Make sure there’s plenty of easy food and snacks in for them.

Four hours is not that far away if you need readmittance. The teens can go to the hospital with you and then wait for pil to collect.

Does your dh have the option of not going?

I'd have thought teens need supervision rather than looking after, and could usefully look after you for a few days, with a bit of instruction.

If you had to be readmitted and there's no one else to have them, social services would have to find temporary care for them, so I understand your concern.

That said, I'd have helped out any of my DC's friends parents in that situation.

You should make it clear when you are being assessed for discharge that you are going to be the only adult at home. If it's not safe to discharge you by the end of the week your DH won't be able to go. They're not old enough to be without an adult.
Your DH needs to flag this up.

Would your PIL be willing to come for a few days?

Would PIL travel to yours?
Ideally you need another adult there post discharge for a few days to not only supervise the teens but look after you.

13 and 15 year olds are perfectly capable of looking after themselves and also you!

They can make their own lunches for school, Chuck something in the oven or microwave for dinner and make sure you’ve got yourself a cup of tea and sandwich in bed.

Would PIL be able to come if needed? Teens would be OK alone for 4 hours if PIL were on the way?

That said, I'd be having a wobble if DH was planning to go away in these circumstances, not least because I'd be wanting him.

What does your DH think? What has he suggested? Does he have any flexibility with his trip?

Surely if he can’t be there, you need to ask your PIL. Being 4 hours away is nothing. We do have trains, after all!

Before he goes there needs to be two plans in place

1)things going well - stocking up the food and so on, so you and the teens will manage

2)things don't go well and you need back to hospital.
Of course issues could happen any time when one of you is away, but given there is bigger than usual chance and you need to be able to go back to hospital if needed, the plan needs to be in place.

It is a backup plan, so it can be disruptive in some ways (like missing a few days of school), it just needs to be safe and possible - would grandparents be able to come and stay or pick them up to their place? Some friend nearby able to cover the first night/visit in the evening and be on call if something would happen while the family is coming? Preregistered account at babysitting agency that can be used to get help in?

Unless there are additional needs your teens should be able to help with basics, otherwise will the discharge team fund a care package to ensure you can shower, eat and mobilise. What after care and physical restrictions are you likely to have? Order a grocery delivery and easy cook meals. Do you have any friends who can look in during the day?

DH and I both travel for work and I think we would both still go and leave the other at home in this scenario. As long as PIL could come if you need to go back in.

I hope you are on the mend soon 💐

Dhs trip is in two parts. First he goes part of the country and then another. He decided to join the trip at the later location. This was because I had two operations and itu stay within seven days. I might still feel tired

If your only concern is the teens looking after themselves then I really think that they should be capable! Even if it ends up being a few days of jacket potatoes, beans on toast and a frozen pizza if they can’t cook anything, it’s fine.

Sorry but he shouldn’t go. You’re gonna feel under the weather a while

At 13 and 15 they are old enough to be helping out and seeing to themselves

The dc won't just be looking after themselves, they will need to look after you as well. You've really been through the mill and you're going to need support when you get home. My chief concern would be you having a relapse and being taken back into hospital again when he's not there, to be honest.

As someone who had to call for and wait a long time for an ambulance for my mum in my teens, I personally wouldn’t want want my kids to be looking after me in a “just discharged after surgery that didn’t go to plan” state, with my husband on another continent.

He needs to cancel / rearrange unless there is a genuine reason he cannot. Work won’t love you back, work will take what they can if you give it. He won’t be thinking on his deathbed “if only I’d done more work trips”.

If you’ve been in ITU there is no way you should be unsupported at home looking after two kids.