Me in hospital and Dh work trip

[hgbvchj]

Last Tuesday I was admitted for a key hole surgery that didn’t go well. I have been in hospital since and had another op on Sunday. Now I am getting better and told I can leave by the end of the week. The problem is that Dh is supported to fly to china on Saturday

the problems we have are will I be able to take care of teen dc. PIL live four hours away and my parents abroad. No one nesteen

what do you mean 'take care'? I would expect teens that age would be taking care of you?

The kids will have to rally round and look after you. They are more than old enough to do this, don't underestimate them.

@hgbvchj has your husband offered to stay? What sort of operation have you had?

Surely people will understand if your DH postpones his trip?

Is DH’s trip work and non-negotiable? Or leisure?

sounds Like you feel you need support. It’s not unreasonable with surgery errors. It nit just about the kids but looking after you. Family first. Work can always wait. Can he delay or cancel the trip?

He has now cancelled half of it and will the rest too if needed

To be honest in this situation if you’ve just come out of the ITU then you have been very unwell indeed and should have another adult at home. I suppose it depends if you feel like a 15 and 13 year old can sufficiently care for you. They absolutely need to take care of themselves.

if DH work trip was important and he didn’t want to change it then I’d expect my PIL to come and stay, and they would. 4 hours isn’t too far to come for an arranged trip in the current circumstances. Teens are mostly self sufficient so it’s not like they are chasing toddlers round all day. I don’t have experience of teens though, my kids are primary age and so need more care

Otherwise I’d say DH needs to not go. His work should understand that

The teens should be able to look after themselves and you.
if you need to be re-admitted, call an ambulance.

Well, I'd say you have to cross that bridge when you come to it.

Teens can eat beans on toast and frozen pizza all weekend, they'll survive

I think you're rightly worried about not having another adult to look after you. It's not so much about the teens not being able to make you a plate of pasta, it's about to being bed ridden and needing a nurse really. I think that should be your parents or your husband, but someone.

I wouldn’t be worried about the DC but I would be worried that there isn’t a competent adult keeping an eye on OP after discharge.

What is the medical advice you have been given OP? Are they happy for you to be discharged and at home in these circumstances?

If so, I agree with PP. DH needs to stock up on supplies and keep checking in with you.

If not, he may have to cancel his trip.

Just because you're no longer critically ill doesn't mean you're better. There will hopefully be very few times in your life when you're this much in need. Ask for support. Ask your husband not to go now. Get the plan in place and then you can concentrate on recovery. And don't feel guilty, you didn't ask to be this unwell.

Sounds like he made the right call.

Two questions:

1. Are you likely to need actual medical care, or need help to make important, potentially life-changing, decisions about your health and care needs. Or is it more like you might not be able to cook/clean etc?

2. Are in-laws in a state where they could, pretty much drop all and make the journey, if you were to be readmitted?

3. Your children are old enough to make food, do basic cleaning/washing, help you with odd tasks. If you are readmitted, well even the younger one could do a few hours by themselves while waiting for grandparents to arrive, if they are with the older one, even more so. However if you might be in a sleepy, slightly muddled state where you need the people in the house to help you to measure medication, or make decisions about whether that pain/temp/vomit etc is worthy of a hospital visit, then that is something DP HAS to stay and do - end of.

4. if actually the in laws don't travel, drive, have other big commitments like looking after some other ill or disabled relatives then in situation 2 the kids would be by themselves for too long, so either someone much nearer has to be on standby to help out, or DP stays home.

Your teens should be fine to fend for themselves for the basics AND look after you a bit. However, I know my DH would cancel and stay home to look after me. It seems the more caring thing to do and workplaces to understand their employees have lives these unexpected things happen.

I wouldn’t have thought he needed to cut it short/cancel.

Just make sure he tidies before he leaves and stocks the fridge and cupboards with ready meals.

The kids can take care of themselves/you.

If your 13 and 15 yo kids are unable to handle the house and meals while you are unwell I'd take this as an indication you need to start teaching them how to do so once you are well. We had to cook an evening family meal every week from when I was 11 yo. I was doing the family laundry during the week while mum worked all through high school. We'd have dinner ready to go for when mum got home from work, house would have been vacuumed etc It's part of being a considerate person who shares a house and preparing your children to be adults.

Of course he shouldn’t go; it’s just work and you’re his wife, the woman he loves most in the world and you’re in hospital WTAF is he thinking??

When did we start prioritising work over the people we love?

I honestly don’t get why we are seeing so many of these posts , what on earth is wrong with people’s marriages . Tell him not to go . It’s obvious if something goes wrong he need to be around plus he should be helping you with recovery . You are his wife and should be above anything else , no ifs no buts

Having been in ITU is one hell of a drip feed. Glad he’s cancelled the first part, but really he needs to cancel it all.

Re update that he has cancelled half and will cancel the rest if needed.

Good. Thats the right thing for him to do.

Agree. It's an easy solution, just do the right thing.

Do you have a friend who could stay so there was another adult around for part of the time, taking a little pressure off your dc and while you'd be alone some of the time, they wouldn't be entirely responsible for you either?

I did that for a friend who was (correctly) told she'd struggle for a fortnight post op, took & collected her from hospital - she was discharged on a Saturday. I then stayed with her, ensuring she'd had breakfast before I left - mainly so she'd had food for her painkillers. I went to work and then went back to her house and cooked supper for us both, ran her bath and read a book in her bedroom while she was in the bath so I was near but she had privacy, etc. For the first week, one of her local friends called in on their lunch break, they kindly picked up her prescription when she needed more painkillers, checked she had lunch, etc. It did add to my commute but was worth it to help a friend.

I hope you're now on a smooth road to recovery.

At home now. I am still quite sore and wouldn’t have managed without Dh. Ds who was supposed to do lifting is incapacitated by dislocated finger.