Should I pay for myself?

[pinenuts75]

I’ve just been asked about half an hour ago if I would like to go out for lunch tomorrow by a male friend, I’ve said yes, but been thinking should I pay for myself? But then he has invited me out and last minute.

I don’t see that as an invitation, he simply asked you if you would like to go to lunch just like a girlfriend would . I see no reason why he should pay .

He hasn’t sprung anything on you, at all. Asking if you want to have lunch the following day is a perfectly normal time line. Always assume you are paying for yourself, if it gets to time to pay and he offers then fine, but you pay for lunch for both of you next time.

Go 50/50 and I know he will be pleased (and may refuse anyway). This also increases the chance he will suggest it again. It is always nice to go out with friends and also, if you have no romantic interest in him, your 50/50 approach makes this clear and helps him not to "get ideas", haha. Enjoy it!

So why would you think about not ‘offering’ to pay for yourself? Is this a normal thing in your female circle of friends? Invitee is expected to pay for all?

Wonder if this would work?… Hey @OldBeyondMyYears fancy a new year eve trip to New York? So nice of me to suggest it, you’ll pay of course now? 😆

yes, you pay for your own meal. a mate has asked if you fancy grabbing food together tomorrow. you said yes. he hasn't spring it on you, if you can't afford it don't go. it isn't a date. would you feel entitled to a free meal if it was a female friend?

I’m glad you asked OP because I wanted to see the general consensus… I have a son and don’t think it’s right he should pay for meals out for life because he was born male.
Hope you have a nice time with your friend.

Occasionally my male friend buys me lunch but I don't go expecting that. He seems to have a knack for knowing when I'm skint. I've known him donkeys years though so it all evens itself out.

Another male friend and I take it in turns so he buys one day then I buy the next time.

Tbf if I asked a friend out to lunch I would invite him/her. So I understand you @pinenuts75 . Different if we would have mutually talked about seeing each other and decided to go for lunch. But I would never take anything for granded myself and I would always propose to pay my share even in the OPs case.

If I’m intending to pay, I’d word it specifically -
let me take you out to lunch
Let’s have lunch tomorrow, my treat!

I’d repeat it as we read the menu- this one’s on me, remember!

Yes I am socially awkward and after reading these responses is it any wonder why?

Right? 😂🤯

I would be completely bankrupt if I had to pay for all the ideas my friends have, just because it’s a ‘nice gesture’! Ffs 🤯

The last two were:

a) Do you fancy going to Italy next summer to do that food course we saw advertised? (At a cost of £3500 each)

b) I’ve just seen they’ve added new dates to the Miss Saigon tour…fancy it? (Cheapest available tickets were £154 each!)

Both great ideas and ‘nice gestures’…is it my job to pay for them? 😳🥴

I genuinely don’t understand the poster’s thought process here at all! Utterly bonkers! 😂

Yes. Paying for yourself would be expected. I make dinner plans with friends regularly and we always either pay for our food separately if it’s somewhere you order at the bar or split the bill if you pay after eating.

Why would these responses make you socially awkward? It’s been a clear answer of pay for yourself from the majority

Yes I am bonkers and a totally horrible person don’t even know why I’m here most days, might as well not be.

My friends and I always split the bill. Occasionally one of us has paid if it’s a special occasion etc. So you not tend to do this with your friends, or do you not go out for dinner often? It’s usually one particular friend that suggests and organises lunches as she loves it. It would be very expensive for her if she paid all the time!

Did you actually follow those posts? They were saying that someone who told you to pay for it all (because it was his idea) was bonkers.

I don’t go out often

@pinenuts75 do you mean your responses clearly show you’re socially awkward? Surely you don’t mean these few posts have caused you to be awkward?

Huh?? My post here wasn’t about you!! Did you read the ‘quote history’? (Clearly not!). My response was to ANOTHER poster who said you should not only pay for yourself, but also pay for your friend’s meal!!

READ the quote history!

Jesus! 🥴🤯

I’d offer but inwardly raise an eyebrow if my male friend didn’t offer to pick up the whole bill.

This post wasn’t about you? It was someone’s suggestion that you pay for the whole thing because they asked.

are you ok? You seem very sensitive to the responses.

I’m shy don’t go out often, spend a lot of time alone, I’m socially awkward and I’m cancelling today can’t be bothered now.

No I’m not ok, now I know why I spend all my time alone.

@pinenuts75, since you're socially awkward, I'll say this really clearly. You should always expect to pay for the food and drink you consume, unless someone had specifically offered to treat you.

Now you can make plans without any awkwardness.