Would you go away for 3 weeks when pets are elderly?

[Curlewwoohoo]

We want to go to New Zealand to stay with my dad and go travelling around, either next Christmas or the one after. I went 20yrs ago. Kids have never been. We probably won't go again. These years work well for us with the kids ages, before we get into exams etc. I'm also keen to go while my dad has his fitness and health and is still able to do things with us. We'd go for 3 weeks.

My issue is our pets. Ddog is 14 and has gastric issues, arthritis, no teeth, very short walks only and I'm currently home cooking for him after a few difficult weeks, all this said he seems happy currently. Dcat is 18 and is diabetic, I inject insulin twice a day and generally keep an eye for signs of hypo or hyper, but is also happy and otherwise well.

I can't decide whether to book our trip for Xmas 2026 because pets are currently both as well at they will ever be. We would look to keep them at home and use a pet sitter and a combination of friends and family. It feels like there is a risk of having to cancel if they're ill and no one can care for them. Or do I wait until 2027 thinking that probably they will not be here by then. If they are though, then there's more risk of having issues with their care.

Obviously I love them and want to do the right thing by them, as well as making this trip ... At some point!

Bonkers.

Going against the grain here and prepared to get flamed with what is probably an unpopular view. I’m a cat owner, they are animals I live with and look after and love but I decided in advance that if any get to the stage where they are having health issues as some of you are few living with on here including OP I’d have them PTS rather than medicate. There are so many healthy cats out there that need a home I’d rather say my goodbyes before my pet gets to that stage and provide a home for an animal in need.

I imagine a relationship with a dog may be slightly different but for me, not enough to change how I would feel. As much as pets are members of the family, they are just pets, my parents are much more important and I’d book to go next year rather than leaving it and I’d consider spending one more year with my pets before PTS.

No. I have been on holiday and had the phone call. It’s something I will never recover from.

My advice is to wait.

I didn’t say it was a month, I said almost a month.

And that’s entirely your choice - other people would make a different choice, and it’s not “piling on the guilt” to say so.

Personally, having been a pet sitter who has had to call the owners to say their cat was dying and what would they like me to do, I couldn’t willingly put anyone in that situation just so I could travel.

To play devil's advocate, how would you feel if your dad died and you hadn't visited him because of the pets?

Elderly parents also can't be relied on to be around forever. I get that people love their pets but I would still put family first.

OP doesn’t say her dad is elderly or unwell - if he was, he’d obviously take priority.

I would do this. You have a year to organise good care. Put extra money aside to have one experienced house/pet sitter at home who will look after all 3 well. You will know quickly if the sitter is the right person as dogs are very good judges of character. They might all well last beyond 2027, you don’t know so I would not delay but you do need consistent home care for them not different people randomly popping in as 3 weeks is a long time. My dog is 15 with health problems now but he has a lovely boarding family he goes to, whom he loves and is very well looked after. My neighbour looks after my cats, pops in twice daily but I don’t know what I would do if they became more dependent. They’re also both 15. It’s really hard when you become their carers, especially when juggling elderly parents and young kids too!

Having lost my fit, healthy dad to a heart attack when I was the other side of the world I would absolutely prioritise time with your dad. I had delayed a trip to visit him for reasons that seemed important at the time but not at all in comparison to not having that quality time with my dad. Life isn’t guaranteed and I personally think that a parent, spouse or child trumps a pet. People have many pets in their lives and do get new pets when old ones pass, you can’t do that with a parent and that’s how you determine priority IMO. It might be different if someone has no family they care about and pets are the priority of course, but if you value your dad and can’t see him frequently or at a moments notice - don’t sacrifice this opportunity. Your pets have had a good long life and know they are loved - they could die while you were at work or away for chores so it’s not sensible to postpone life on the off chance they may die alone and you get a call. It wouldn’t even be feasible for a sick or elderly parent.

Go on the trip and just find loving carers for your dog, exactly as you would find good care for a sick and elderly parent where you weren’t a full time carer.

@IamtheDevilsAvocado my dad is 66 so still very able to do things with us. Men in the family only seem to make 70 which is a consideration.

But the chance a pet might die when you are looking after them as a professional pet sitter is surely just part of the job. Every job has shitty bits - if no one ever left their pet to travel, just in case they become ill or die, then all pet sitters would be out of a job…

I can't see ddog being here by 2027 so that feels better for him and still in my 2 year window of best opportunity. There's a risk in waiting re dog that cat is still here and in a worse condition. We could book it all much closer to but then we'll be paying a lot more and obviously we're taking thousands anyway.

At least the posts are proving that it's difficult one.

Think it depends, if it’s looking like you may need to make a difficult decision sooner rather than later then absolutely not. If they’re just elderly and need special diets, jabs etc then may be, but only if someone could stay in the house or had a suitable house they were used to and they loved the pet as much as me.
My Lab was used to staying with DM, so he didn’t take any notice and she loved him dearly.

The last few months he just wanted to be home though, we knew the time was coming and I wouldn’t have left him.

Well I can’t believe people are willing to not see their dad before they pass away. Or visit their lonely son

OP hasn’t said her dad is about to pass away and PP never said her son was lonely.

Of course it’s part of the job - but there’s a huge difference between an animal getting sick unexpectedly while you’re away (which is what happened in my case) and choosing to go away for several weeks when you have animals that you know are coming to the ends of their lives.

I wouldn’t feel right going on holiday and knowing there was a high chance my pets could die in the care of a stranger - unless I genuinely had no other choice.

This -just mind blowing that people are prioritising animals over their own children’s needs ! If this is for real - just appalling

People die in hospital without their loved ones there. It's awful but it happens

If you can get good care for your pets, book for 2026.
I love my (now quite elderly but not infirm) cat to bits, but for me human family trump pets to a much higher degree. I know it isn’t the same for everyone, but I’ve lost many family members and 2 cats and the loss isn’t comparable. Would never want a pet to suffer and not be cared for though.

We have a great pet sitter for when we’re away. Comes in 2 x a day, she loves the cat too. Although when she was once acutely ill we cancelled a UK trip as she was admitted to the vets etc. It’s a risk you take with having pets.

Of course but this isn’t a situation where OP is picking a dying pet over a dying relative.

PP’s adult child chose to move to the other side of the world knowing his mum had commitments in the UK.

If you choose to move a 24 hour flight away from your parents then you have to accept you won’t get to see them very much afterwards.

Your animals are both very elderly and their quality of life has probably really decreased. I would personally book for 2027 and if either of them was still hanging on at that point I would have them PTS rather than have someone else try and look after them with all their needs.

They've both had a really good innings and animals are extremely good at hiding their weaknesses, pain and unhappiness. Remember one more year for your dog is the equivalent of around 5 years for a human. I know too many people who have kept their pets going in a fairly miserable state because they can't stand to do anything about it. Sometimes it's the kindest thing IMO.

OP mentioned her dad is going into late 60s and makes in the family don’t tend to make it past 70.

I just think it is crazy to put pets ahead of family. We’re taking about leaving animals in the care
of someone - or leaving them alone or in a dangerous environment.

I just think it is crazy to put pets ahead of family
For many of us our pets are family .

@Livpool My son is not lonely

When our dog became elderly it would have broken my heart to have left her. She was my first priority for the last two years of her life. After all those years by my side and all the laughs we had I wanted to be with her.

When my mum's dog became elderly I completely understood and supported her decision to prioritise him over everything else.

A dog isn't like a family member who lives abroad. They are with you day in day out and your life is intertwined with theirs in a million tiny ways. They are dependent on you for everything in a way a fit adult isn't.

Before people get a dog, if they are responsible folk, they always think seriously about the puppy stage, how they'll cope, training, restrictions on their life etc.

Very few people seem to give much thought to the later years of their dogs life. When your dog needs more care, becomes more frail, can't keep up on days out or even short walks, can't get up stairs, perhaps odd toileting accidents and struggles to be left it has much more impact than the puppy days on your life. That slow decline with no happy ending or even any indication of how long restrictions might continue is terribly hard.

Definitely not directing this at you OP, but If more people understood the reality of an aging pet they might think twice.