Would you go away for 3 weeks when pets are elderly?

[Curlewwoohoo]

We want to go to New Zealand to stay with my dad and go travelling around, either next Christmas or the one after. I went 20yrs ago. Kids have never been. We probably won't go again. These years work well for us with the kids ages, before we get into exams etc. I'm also keen to go while my dad has his fitness and health and is still able to do things with us. We'd go for 3 weeks.

My issue is our pets. Ddog is 14 and has gastric issues, arthritis, no teeth, very short walks only and I'm currently home cooking for him after a few difficult weeks, all this said he seems happy currently. Dcat is 18 and is diabetic, I inject insulin twice a day and generally keep an eye for signs of hypo or hyper, but is also happy and otherwise well.

I can't decide whether to book our trip for Xmas 2026 because pets are currently both as well at they will ever be. We would look to keep them at home and use a pet sitter and a combination of friends and family. It feels like there is a risk of having to cancel if they're ill and no one can care for them. Or do I wait until 2027 thinking that probably they will not be here by then. If they are though, then there's more risk of having issues with their care.

Obviously I love them and want to do the right thing by them, as well as making this trip ... At some point!

I think you should go.

If you leave it then DCs are older and may not want to be away over Christmas, your DF is older and health issues may have arisen. Basically there is no perfect time. Personally I would go for a paid sitter for the entire time that can stay at your house to reduce any changes for your pets and means you can ask them to follow any medication routines strictly.

Another option - and I know this is tricky because of length of flight and cost of tickets- is go for two weeks rather than three.

I say this as a dog owner btw, but also as somebody who is unable to enjoy the holidays we had planned because of being an only DC with elderly DPs in poor health. Don’t put your life on hold for animals.

This is very true. But really it’s more that looking after them when very elderly can be quite intense so if in another year ddog is having to be let out to the toilet twice a night or having accidents in the house or some other form of complex care then you have to leave them with someone who you trust to be able to cope. Quality of life can still be generally good before people say they should be pts anyway.

my dog has a life expectancy of 12 to 14 and a few months after their 12 birthday I decided no more dog boarding and family holidays until theyre no longer with us. She was getting too old to be boarded surrounded by noisy energetic dogs she kept putting herself upstairs out of the way so right now we tag team so theres always me or husband staying at home luckily this has coincided with perimenopause meaning me not having to think about packing and having the house to myself feels just as much a holiday for me lol

I would hire a house-sitter and book the flights. Then I’d spend the intervening time making sure the house sitter got to know the pets.

A friend reluctantly left their dog to go on holiday after a cancer diagnosis, and the opinion of the vet that she would only live for three months. She organised a pet sitting rota so that the dog was never alone. The dog lived for another two years. Life is not predictable.

Of course it’s possible at any time but having been there in my pets’ final moments, I can’t imagine deliberately choosing to go away knowing there’s a high chance I would miss it.

Of course I would, they're animals not people. Surely seeing your Dad is the priority?

This thread is bonkers. I have had pets my whole life but I also have children and if my child in another country was desperate to see me and what was stopping me was my 11 year old dog I’d fully expect my child to be heartbroken and stop asking me to come.

for all those telling the OP to stay with her dog because “how would you feel if they died alone without you” - @ophow would you feel if that happened to your dad?

I love animals but this is your family.

I have been in a similar predicament and my dog died. That's the risk you take and I made the wrong decision.

I’ve been in a similar position where I looked after a close relatives elderly DDog whilst they went away. He moved in with us for the duration of the trip. Is that an option where he could be with a relative for your trip?

I find this thread baffling too - you are going to stop your children seeing their grandad for another 2 years because you have elderly pets who may/may not die at some point? Madness - go and see your dad, arrange for a pet sitter to visit.

I’m influenced by knowing someone whose sister kept saying she couldn’t leave the dogs, and therefore my friend had to do even more intensive care of her elderly mother - every weekend instead of one out of two. Not surprisingly their relationship isn’t good now. It’s important to arrange good care for the animals you are responsible for but your humans should know you will step up for them.

@Shortandfatandpaleandlovely I had the dogs 6 years before my son left to live in Australia, he knew how much I worried about them and won't leave them. It was his choice to move to the other side of the world. I respect that and he respects that I don't leave the dogs. He has friends and a lovely family - they visit us every year and stay with us for 6 weeks and we facetime every weekend. He does want to show us his home/the lovely life he has but he's happy to wait. It is complicated as dog 1 is so relaxed and chilled about everything but he hates holidays and if we go on a uk break and take him he just stops eating. I go away with my friends a lot for weekend breaks and he doesn't eat until I am back. Dog 2 suffers with bouts of pancreatitis - she is healthy 90% of the time but when she is suffering she is really bad. Lifeless almost, pooing blood etc. Due to both of these things I feel it would be really unfair on the dogs, me and most of all the poor soul who looked after them for us to go away, especially for a long trip. @Curlewwoohoo I'm prepared to wait. Time goes so fast and when they have passed away I will need a big long holiday to cheer me up. I'm saving my pennies (although dog 2 has just cost me £400 for blood tests so will have to save a bit harder)

It’s not remotely bonkers to decide you don’t want to leave your vulnerable, elderly animals with a stranger while you go to the other side of the world for almost a month.

But OP hasn’t said her dad is elderly or dying - if he was then that would be totally different.

You should go.
You need to put your family - children and father - first, pets second.

Ive just booked a three week holiday, as my elderly pet died. I knew she was reaching the end of her lifespan so it wasn't a difficult decision to wait a year, maybe two.

When I go away, I get a live-in pet sitter and I have a semi-regular one who is very conscientious. I just felt it was a lot to ask of someone, that level of extra care. It's stressful enough for me, it would be worse for a sitter. (Plus my [exotic] vets are 30-40 mins away.)

You had your son before you had the dogs though, though that he's your son should be the deciding point really.

Just don't expect him to keep being desperate for you to visit - he'll get over the dissapointment of you not coming when he wants you too and might not be that keen on providing you with a long holiday to get over the loss of your dogs.

Personally I'd get good care in at home and book the holiday.

How old is your dad now??

Let your kids make memories with him!

Another question - a horrible one... Would you be more upset if one of hour animals died or your dad before you saw him?

@Shortandfatandpaleandlovely well ok you know my son better than I do

Why are you making things up to try and guilt trip the PP?

He may be her son but he also chose to set up a life 24 hours away from his mother - and choices like that come with consequences. Lots of people could never afford to fly to Australia whether they have animals or not.

piling on the guilt more with every post - now 3 weeks is suddenly a month….

i have pets, I love my pets but I love my family more - I would not postpone seeing my dad for 2 years because there was a chance one of my dogs might die…

It’s personal choice really so do what’s right for you not what you think others would do.
Personally for me the odd might away yes / 3 weeks no but I wouldn’t judge anyone who made an alternative choice.
In anticipation though we found the most lovely lady who house sits and is reasonably priced .
Would that be a compromise that might work for you? Someone who has already got to know your animals and can move in for 3 weeks.
It will be expensive but worth it for your peace of mind perhaps.

I wouldn’t leave them tbh . Travel can be done later .

I would go on the holiday. You would surely regret not going on this trip while you have the chance.

Having lost my DF this year I say life is too short and you should book it. Make sure you’re leaving them with someone you trust, but to PTS before you go wouldn’t be the worst thing, considering their ages and medical situations.