Dinner guests + clearing up etiquette

[verybighouseinthecountry]

Another thread made me think about this. When I grew up, if you had dinner guests over you would never have let them help tidy up/clear away, and dishes were washed after they left (later on when we had a dishwasher it might have been loaded very quickly), not in front of them. Your job as the host was to feed/entertain them, not let them watch you clean up. It would have been very rude to let a guest help. Guests were close friends/family, not strangers or work colleagues.
I just read a thread complaining because the "guests never wash up" and it startled me a bit because I'd never offer because of the way I was brought up, it would be outrageous to think that a host would let me help, so it would cause offence to offer.
I'm wondering if this is just my family, or are other people like this?

I wouldn’t expect guests to clean up

No, I’d never expect guests to clear away or wash up

I would never expect guests to clean up.

I would never expect guests to help prepare or help with clearing up after a meal. They are my guests and anyway I much prefer to do it myself at my leisure.

I don’t clean up until guests leave and wouldn’t dream of expecting them to help.

I don’t expect to wash up at someone else’s house either of I’m a guest. The only exception is maybe when the in-laws host all of us, which can be 12 or more people we all chip in to help clear up.

I wouldn't expect it no and o wouldn't ask. I think it's absolutely fine to accept help if offered though. I always help!

I don’t expect or want my guests to clear up.

i also dislike it if the hosts start properly clearing up while guests are there (other than carrying used dishes from the dining room to the kitchen)

I just read a thread complaining because the "guests never wash up"…

Not seen the thread but I would consider it really weird if guests wanted to wash up after dinner. Surely it’s usual to just clear away the dishes and wash up after they have left.

Would never allow guests to clear up.

I'd never expect a guest to wash up. Whenever I'm a guest I always do offer to help tidy up though!

I agree. It’s rude to expect guests to clear and wash up. Hosts are hosts.

No I would never expect guests to wash up. If I have my family round for dinner (brother and his family, my cousins) they often help us clear the table but we just leave the dishes in the kitchen to deal with when they've gone. I wouldn't dream of letting them wash up.

In the ordinary way dinner guests would never help wash up. The only exception would be Christmas Day when we host family and are providing a whole day of food and drinks. Because there is so much to do people always offer to help a bit and it’s appreciated.

We do have quite a few regular houseguests who come and stay with us, and if people offer to help with washing up, setting the table etc then that’s great….but it’s different when people are staying.

Oh gosh no not if they are dinner guests. I do try and get the dishwasher stacked though when we have finished the meal because it only takes a few minutes and it’s good to have it out of the way.
However if people are staying for more than one meal, then it is polite for them to at least make a token effort of helping to tidy up, increasing incrementally with the length of stay.

Of course guests don’t wash up! I don’t want people fussing about in my kitchen - I’ve done the hard work, let’s just sit and enjoy ourselves and I’ll deal with the mess later…maybe tomorrow…

It depends. Good friends for supper, yes I’d expect them to help, although I wouldn’t mind if they didn’t. Friends for dinner-absolutely not. I might ask someone to open more wine, but no more than that.

I would never expect guests to clear up - but am grateful if they do.

I think it depends on lots of things.
Mostly, how formal the occasion is.

A 'dinner party' is different from 'Do you want to come over for your tea tonight?'

My dd lives alone quite close to us, and quite enjoys cooking, so she'll invite me and dh over every couple of weeks, and we will naturally then wash up. Would seem odd to treat my dd as some sort of servant to wait on us hand and foot.

If we were invited to a formal dinner by someone, then I'd offer, but take my lead from what the hosts want.

Most of our hosting is family, who would all automatically muck in.

I think 'hosting' overall is a lot less formal than it used to be 50 years ago.

I only casually have close friends and family round. They work most likely stick their plates in the dishwasher as that’s just the norm in my home.

What distinguishes supper with good friends and dinner with friends? Thinking more the food.

Genuinely intrigued!

My friends would insist in helping, after declining their help multiple times I’ll likely give them a little job to do.

This is the very reason I have a separate dining room. Shut the doors deal with it later. Either once the guests leave or even the next morning!

God no I wouldn’t let my guests wash up after dinner.

I probably have a vague exception for Christmas Day where if someone helped stack a dishwasher I’d be appreciative and if you’re actually staying with me, again putting dishes in after breakfast would be appreciated but after a dinner absolutely not.

Agree. Maybe helping to remove things from the table if they choose to but that’s it. And also no washing up /kitchen cleaning while guests are there.
I have a friend who insists on her and her DH completely cleaning up straight after we’ve finished eating so they disappear into the kitchen for half an hour leaving the pair of us at the table. I’ve often said ‘oh don’t worry about that stay and chat’ but no because ‘the kitchen will stink otherwise’?!

The best guests are always helpful. I love the ones that help clear away each course. I’m in France - family meals take 5+ hours. I’d be bored out of my mind if I couldn’t clear up until they’d left/finished. They’ve barely finished the digestif when it’s time for the next meal.