What does this school mum actually think the rest of us are queuing for??

[aperolspritzbasicbitch]

In general I arrive at my child’s school for pick up about 5 minutes before the playground gate is opened. Not on purpose, it just happens that sometimes the walk is quicker than others. Sometimes I’m the first one there, sometimes there are a few people in front, and others join the queue behind me.

One particular mum will turn up bang on collection time (fine) and just walk past the queue of people patiently waiting and stand right in front of the gate.
As if we aren’t all there for the same reason.

It actually baffles me that she seems to think that her need to collect her child is any greater than the rest of us, but so far haven’t said anything because I can’t be arsed with any playground drama, although yesterday I was tempted to side step in front of her just as the gate was open.

is this not just straight up rude behaviour?

She may have sensory sensitivities which means that she cannot be hemmed in in close proximity to others.

She may have social phobia which could make her feel trapped in a queue. PTSD can also trigger flashbacks if she feels trapped.

At a time when so many people suffer with their mental health, our first question-when anyone ignores social conventions-should be what is making this person act like this and how can I help them.

Maybe next time, when you are at the front by the gate, you could give her a friendly wave and invite her to stand in front of you.

You don't have to talk to her-certainly don't question her-just make allowances and be kind.

Some pp are giving suggestions that totally ignore the high rise of disabled people, as if we are back in the 1990s.

Don't be ableist. Be kind.

I explained that up thread. I get in early so I can sit on one of the very few benches . I sit on a bench outside till the gates opened.

Honestly OP, you’re not losing out on anything by this. Youre not getting your child quicker, not sitting down, being seen to, getting warm etc… you are getting nothing any quicker than anyone else. It’s literally a queue with no benefit attached to being at the front. So why would you care about someone’s position in it?

I think queue cutting is only an issue if it’s giving you an advantage that other people have been waiting for. That isn’t happening here, so I wouldn’t care.
If children were released in the order the parents got to the gate, then she’d be taking the piss.

"She may have sensory sensitivities which means that she cannot be hemmed in in close proximity to others.
She may have social phobia which could make her feel trapped in a queue. PTSD can also trigger flashbacks if she feels trapped."

Im not a fan of feeling crowded, and dont really like risking people chatting small talk to me generally 🤣 Absolute last thing id do is deliberately create a situation where someone might have a go at me in front of loads of people AND have those loads of people right behind me all moving forward the second the gates open.

Its far more likely shes just a bit of a knob, but its not really affecting anyone.

Yes, @Megifer I'm not ruling out that she might just be " a bit of a knob"-she might!

But she might also be living with sensory issues or PTSD and until the OP knows which one it is, it's better to give her the benefit of the doubt.

I think people are confusing your primary school scenario (the gate opens, everyone walks into the playground one by one through the gate to go and mill around/go to their child's classroom door). In this situation it's polite (but a bit uptight) to queue. If that's the common practice, then definitely rude not to.

with the nursery scenario where children are brought out one by one so there's no need to queue at all, and everyone is actually just 'standing in an orderly way'

I haven’t read all replies so don’t judge😊 but I would, for one day only, get there really early to be the first at the gate to see what she does then. Who knows? She might push me out of the way or stand neatly behind me. Situations like these are triggering for me because I can’t get my head around why some people are so blind to the queue/wilfully rude. A bit like when you’re stuck in a traffic queue and someone shoots up to the top and pushes in because there’s always someone who’s willing to let them in😊

Does her DC have SEN? My DS does and in nursery I was allowed to jump the queue to collect him early, this is pretty usual at his school.

Either she's brazen and self centred
OR
She's lazy and has to be off somewhere else straight after pick up, but is too lazy to organise her schedule to arrive at school earlier so she is at the front naturally, or organise her next engagement so she can arrive later
OR
Her child has a disability or health condition that means he/she struggles to wait in the queue and it's easier for everyone if she just goes and gets them whatever time she arrives!

Whichever way, if it isn't making you later, don't think about it!

Jesus Christ.... Are people's conditions now simply a free pass to be rude and selfish? Other people around about still do exist, you know. Why are their needs and time of no consequence?

She’s not being selfish though. She’s not gaining any advantage at anyone else’s expense here. She’s not taking anything from anyone.

My kids school is like this. Most people queue and don’t push past to get in a small gate but there are always the few who don’t think it applies to them and like to push in at the front. Unfortunately unless someone says something they are to entitled to care

Why are you so early that you're first in queue then? The class will come out when they come out, if you're trying to be quick it makes more sense to turn up when they get let out rather than waiting outside before the gates open, and then you wouldn't have to get yourself worked up about where people stand.

This

Because I have an hours lunch break, which I sometimes save to do the school run when needs be.
as I stated in my OP, sometimes the walk just doesn’t take as long and I’m up to 5 mins early.
is that ok?

Is it the sort of queue where people are standing in groups chatting, or an actual obvious queue of people standing one behind the other.

One behind the other, obviously sometimes 2 parents might be stood together chatting, but very much a queue.

I see what you're saying but it is ridiculous to queue to get into an area where you then have to actually wait again/actually queue to collect a child. It could also be dangerous. People 'queue' along the pavement in just such a way at our school gates (which do open wide to admit all comers when it's time) but the 'queue' mentality of some means that the pavement is totally clogged right back to the pedestrian crossing making the actual crossing unsafe. Meanwhile there is ENTIRELY free road with no cars on it because it's a safe school road and the sensible folk just walk up it at the right time to meet with an opening gate. There's a time and a place for the queue police. This probably isn't it.

So many people who haven’t heard of gates only wide enough for one person at a time 😂

Our school set up isn’t that same as yours - so a queue doesn’t create the same problems.

it’s perfectly safe and convenient for the people using this entrance to queue.

But it is equally safe and convenient not to queue. These are rules you have in your head. There is no need to follow them

So what did you think they were all standing there for then??

Then you would know that nothing had been said, so why are you asking???

Nothing, it’s just waiting to get through the gate.