Why do people want monstrously big houses?

[pumpkinscake]

Well, some people. I'm watching the beast in me on Netflix, and wondering why anyone would want such large houses? I don't see the point. No matter how much money I had. Now, I don't want a studio apartment either, but surely, one spare room for guests, a utility room, a home office. After that what's the point? I see large houses on the market, most people have small families, just seems such a pointless waste of space.

I took monstrously big to be MTV Cribs marble-flooring-chandelier-obsessed big.

Absolutely, but the person you quoted was talking about 5000 for a single person or 60,000 for a family.

My husband and I bought a large country house just before lockdown happened. We have about 10,000 sq feet (10 bedrooms, 9 bathrooms - 2 of these are only cloakrooms, 2 kitchens, 3 sitting rooms of different sizes, 2 dining rooms, 2 utilities, and then a number of other random bits), and it's just us two plus a dog and four cats. We also have a range of outbuildings and a small cottage on the property.

For us, we bought it because we fell in love with the feel of the place and with the idea of keeping it safe and sound for another generation. It's a total money pit, it's always super cold (it's about 14 right now - I'm wearing a hoodie, a jacket, fingerless gloves, slipper boots, and sitting under a throw as I type), and things break or leak pretty much daily - but we love it here and we pour lots of energy and love into looking after it.

We hosted our wedding here, we regularly have large house parties where all of our spare bedrooms are full, our parents come to stay with us regularly (sometimes at the same time)... Also, the wing can shut off into a full four bedroom house including kitchen by itself, so if ever either set of parents need to move in with us, they are future proofed.

We have a little help - we have a cleaner 10 hours a week and a gardener 8 hours a week. This is mostly paid for by AirBnB-ing the little cottage, which I clean and manage myself on top of my regular job (the time cleaning and managing is less than the time saved by paying for the help).

I do have to accept that we will never be able to afford all of the many projects we want to accomplish in the house, and that we'll never be done decorating, though! But all in all, I'd not change a thing about it.

Also, for those who suggested big houses are status symbols - that may be true in some cases, but for others, it's a lifestyle thing. If you saw either of us in public, you'd think we were the scruffiest people going - I usually wear my husband's cast offs, my hair is usually going all directions, I'm often covered in muck from chores, and both our vehicles are 15+ years old! We are not flash people - we just love being custodians of this special place. :)

This is absolutely true. We bought our first very large house for the location only, we ended up growing to love having the house space as well. For our next house, we were looking for land as well, and bought the house which went with it, which was a fair bit smaller, but still large by any standards.

I think with that show it was because of what the house represented - her lost family. After everything she was able to let it go, but she was still in the midst of the trauma of losing her son and her marriage breakdown.
But yea you hear of single child free celebrities buying ten plus bedroom houses and I always wonder why - I guess it’s an outward symbol of their success. As for more run of the mill people - I know a family who had a large house - technically eight bedrooms and two self contained flats. They brought up their three kids, then used a couple rooms to house a couple lodgers that they knew (kids of their own friends mostly). But in latter years the two of them rattled around it. But it was their family home. Why a couple without kids would buy an 8 bedroom houses without use for those rooms (I can imagine an art studio, office space, hobby room etc) who knows? My neighbours have lived in their three bed terrace for 20 years. No kids. Two years ago the extended in to the loft at massive expense (about £100k). I asked them when they were moving up in to it and they said they had no plans to. I expressed surprise and she said it’s handy when her sister (from abroad) comes to visit, which is only a couple times a year if that - plus they already had a spare bedroom. So why did they do it? Investment? Not sure the house value went up any more than the money they paid to do it. They have no kids to leave the house too, and no plans to move.

We have a big house. We bought it because

1. we both dreamed of having a library. Came in very handy for WFH after Covid hit.

2. we wanted kids. Sadly turned out we could only have one, but that wasn't the intention when buying it.

3. it was beautiful and we could easily afford it.

4. I underestimated the amount of housework it would require.

However, it's been super handy having spare rooms because we rented them out to generate income when DH was made redundant.

Money no object I'd have: bedroom per child and for us = 6. Spare for guests and a packing/snoring after nights out room = 8. Each en suite = 16 rooms. Living room, playroom, 2 x offices, tv room/snug, kitchen, utility, cloakroom, boot room = 25 rooms. Ideally I'd like a sewing/craft room too = 26 rooms. By the time you get to a house this size you might as well have a gym, sauna, pool = 29 rooms. Soon adds up!

I'd use all of these rooms regularly. Would need a cleaner!

I know it’s super unreasonable to feel this way and people have no right to other people’s money etc etc, I just find it really sad that huge houses are occupied by 1 couple and not a big family with small children to make amazing childhood memories there. Families are so skint now because of nursery fees etc and housing is so expensive, very few of them will have memories of playing in a big rambling garden or ‘hide and seek’ in bits of the house. I have 3 siblings and our house wasn’t a fancy mansion but an odd extended bungalow thing with a large field and I have really nice memories of ‘exploring’ with my siblings.

@Gardenalia
My friend has a massive house, 12 bedrooms and a flat. It’s just her and her DH, her DC don’t visit. Her entire life is spent organising and maintaining it and the massive garden. I’ve known her 12 years and in that time she’s only ever had one big event where most of the rooms were used for one night. I simply don’t understand the thinking, it seems lonely, wasteful and utterly pointless. I’ve lost a lot of respect for her to be honest.

What is the maximum number of bedrooms one couple should be allowed to have before you lose respect for them?

I grew up very poor, in a tiny, overcrowded house with extended family and my mother's childmindees, and an endless roster of friends of the older extended family members dropping by uninvited nightly and staying till all hours. In this tiny house (a single storey cottage), all the rooms led out of one another -- all the bedrooms led off the living room or the kitchen, and the only indoor loo was just inside the back door, so a child who wanted the loo at night or an adolescent who'd got their period unexpectedly had to walk through several rooms full of family members and visitors in their nightclothes to get there, and back again, every time. There was no privacy, ever. I either shared a bed with my grandmother and my aunt, or a room with two of my sisters in a room where there was no room to stand between the bunkbeds. Meals had to be eaten at the kitchen table in relays, and there was nowhere to do homework.

Damn right I love my big old Victorian house for DH, DS and me. I love having my own bathroom. I love having an enormous garden. I love having people around for dinner or to stay, but I love that I get to choose when they visit.

To this day, if someone in a busy restaurant jostles the back of my chair, I'm straight back in my parents' house, with two feet between the back of a chair at the kitchen table and the cooker, and which, as well as whoever was cooking, had to accommodate anyone walking through from the back door or loo to the rest of the house.

I can understand why people like them especially if they have a big family or bad memories of living in a too small a space but it’s not something I would be jealous of ( incredible holidays are a different matter). I actually prefer a small kitchen for example where everything is easy to reach as long as there is room for somewhere to sit down and eat. Also love a small hobby room/office which can feel very cosy. But the idea of spare bedrooms that are hardly ever used and loads of bathrooms that need to be cleaned isn’t appealing at all. I have lived in tiny flats that are too small for things like a freezer and they force you to get out and about which I have weirdly always liked. I feel you could feel trapped in a big house as if it demanded attention.

You've just reminded me of the time DH and I, viewing tiny flats as first time buyers in London many years ago, went to an open viewing of a flat so small that the fridge belonging to the current inhabitants was on the landing outside their flat door.

I don’t understand why people get jealous of couples/small families living in big houses. Do they believe that the only reason they are stuck in a tiny house/flat is because there just aren’t enough big houses to go round, and these selfish old buggers are preventing them from having more space?

The reason most people with young families live in small homes is because that’s all they can afford. They’re jealous of the big house, but they wouldn’t be jealous of the big mortgage, the Band G council tax, the massive cost in time and money of the cleaning and maintenance (our house had 17 enormous rooms. I worked 60+ hours a week, had 5 DCs and we did all the cleaning/decorating/minor DIY jobs ourselves).

You wouldn’t believe how much extra it costs. Even giving a room a lick of paint can cost a small fortune. How many tins of gloss to paint 25 metres of skirting board that’s 18 inches deep? And the damp patches that spring from nowhere! The cost of a single blind for a window that’s 3m x 2.5m.

It’s a lovely thought until you’re living it. We downsized to a 4 bed and even though I adored our old house, life is so much more pleasurable (and cheaper) now.

When i think large house all I think is - that must cost an arm and a leg to heat.

I've never wanted a large house because of all the ongoing costs on top of the huge price tag. I love having a decent sized garden though.

I’ve a large house, I have a cleaner, I can’t imagine sitting worrying about cleaning a large house when I don’t have one. Are you very bored op?

Ha ha good question! Obviously there’s more to this story than I’ve put here, but I suppose the main thing behind my loss of respect is how much she moans about all the upkeep of this unused heap of bricks…

I would add I grew up in a ramshackle pile with 9 bedrooms and an ever-changing cast of inhabitants and animals, every room was used constantly so I guess that’s what I have in mind as ‘respectable’. It was so dirty though!

This is a bit of a strange take on it. I imagine most people's grumble is due to inequality of wealth not that there are not enough houses.

I’ve often wondered how people living in huge mansions, rather than large houses, manage when they have small children.
I can’t help but imaging the fresh hell of walking up a never ending sweeping staircase to settle a toddler back to bed multiple times in the evening.
And imagine if you realised, after you’d climbed into your luxurious triple king sized bed, that you’d left your phone downstairs, or weren’t quite sure you’d locked up the orangery.
It all sounds so exhausting 😝

Goodness, do people do this, sit and think about how other people,live? Stair gates are a thing,

Well that’s the obvious conclusion, I agree. But I see so many people saying that it’s unfair that retired couples should live in a big house whilst families are in small houses, and they should downsize. But even if they did, it wouldn’t mean a family could afford the big house.

We actually paid less for our massive house in a shit area than we’d have paid for a 3 bed terrace in the nice area we moved from. There are still bargains to be had, but most people value a better location so often choose to stay in a smaller house in a good part of town.

How long have you been on MN out of interest?

From threads on here it seems that shitting in an en-suite is completely forbidden, so for each bedroom you really need the en-suite for night time pees and then a second bathroom for poos. Maybe another separate loo just for the men to use. It all adds up!

How on earth are people twisting a light hearted thread just musing about houses. Honestly if you’re writing something snide give yourself a shake, you’re taking life too seriously.

those threads are completely YANBU if I had the money for a house with a million bathrooms the en suite would be off limits for the husband to shit and he’d have a separate bathroom just for him to shit in preferably in a different wing of the house

I don’t think mine’s monstrously big but has 6 bedrooms. Our adult kids will be moving out soon but I love the entertaining space downstairs. Have had special occasions with sit down lunches for 30. I’m still in my 50’s and not ready to downsize.