Do your DC do a gazillion extra curricular activities because they want to, or because there's peer pressure to do them, or because you want them to?

[OvenChick]

It's said a lot on here that children now do so many extra clubs and have hardly any down time. I want to understand a bit more about this now, as I have a baby and am thinking ahead to primary school years.

Is it just that it's the norm for children to do so many extra curricular activities and therefore kids would be weird for not doing them? Or is it that parents are encouraging them? Or is it something else?

(I went to Brownies and then Guides...that was it! Mid nineties to mid noughties. And even then I often wished I could just stay at home).

Or some kids have so much fucking energy you need to physically wear them out to get a chance at them sleeping properly?

1 sport + 1 creative a week outside school was our family rule - they now choose and admin themselves as teens and they prob have the same balance and happy to do it. They used to chop and change to try new things out.
BTW learning to swim didn’t count - but once they could do all 4 strokes they stopped as hated it!
it’s a good chance to try things when pressure is off.
Given you say you used to want to stay home maybe you have this type of personality but traits do your children have?

I don’t think kids are classed as weird for not doing any, I used to see / hear about a club and ask them if they wanted to go. Mine said yes to everything, which was okay when I only had one and the others were babies. I enjoyed going, socialising with other parents etc. It got to much a year or so ago, we had something every single night, and I often had to be in two places at once. When they get older, they tend to have multiple evenings for the same activity / sports. They only do one activity each plus swimming now. I’ve started going to an evening class myself too.

@Cruisinforcroissant good point, I happily stayed at home for days at a time when off work until having a baby. Very much a homebody/mole from The Wind in The Willows.

DC is only a few months old so we shall see...😁 would be great if she's outgoing and adventurous tbh. Would balance the household a bit!

I like the family rule btw.

My daughter does dance or drama. nearly every day (and 7 days a week near a show) because she loves dance and performing. I signed her up for one tiny baby ballet class more for my benefit and she was hooked! She's an extrovert and she loves being around people. If she's not at a club she has a friend round or she's on the phone to a friend or she's chatting to me. The only thing she does at my instigation (now she's past the swimming lesson stage) is an hour a week with a tutor specialising in dyslexia - but she looks forward to this too.

Her brother on the other hand is much more introverted so he does a couple of hobbies but also loves time at home reading, watching stuff or building Lego. He definitely needs down time and I make sure I support him to get it.

Some children love busy lives and others don't. As long as our child is happy that's all that matters.

@Bluefloor I'm glad to hear it doesn't make someone an outcast if they aren't so into the extra clubs.

My main worry (should have put this in the OP) is that it's not in a child's best interests beyond a certain level. Followed by a bit of wondering how all these parents have the time. As in finding time for work, housework, time with children and partner and then clubs on top. As well as everything else in life!

A lot are childcare for me, I'm a lone parent and I work full-time, so she'd be in after school club if she wasn't in an activity club. Plus it gives me a bit of a break if she has a couple at the weekend. I'd never force her but if she's happy to go it works better for me.

I don’t know if it would be classed as loads exactly but my 4yo DS does football, rugby and swimming in terms of sport then drumming as a creative and fucking LOUD outlet as well. We also have horses at home so he has his own pony so rides multiple times a week plus all the care and whatnot. He’s a lively little fella and needs the activity, he’s basically a springer spaniel; he needs at least 2 hours of exercise a day to stay happy! They’re all activities he wants to do and has asked to do but I also do encourage him to take these things up because I think they’re good for kids in many ways, socially and personally.
With all that being said, I absolutely do not think kids would be considered weird at all for not doing extra curriculars.

@Urmam sounds like she's absolutely thriving in just the right environment for her. Replies so far suggest it's very much about child's personality which is exactly how it should be, I had the impression it was a universal thing that the vast majority of kids did things after school 4 or 5 times a week but maybe not.

We have always said they needed to have something outside of school, whatever that may be. The 2 older ones were home educated for a few years at primary level, so we got very used to finding and facilitating activities for them, if they showed an interest in something we grab it.

Older 2 are heavily into a sport now which trains on average 4 times a week plus competitions.

When at primary school they did beavers/cubs etc, skateboarding, gymnastics, cricket.

Youngest is 8, he does beavers, skateboarding at a couple of different clubs and climbing.

All had swimming lessons at various points.

I think whether or not it is in the child's interests massively depends on the child .DD would hate to me at home most of the time. DS would hate an endless rota of clubs

I can hear DD downstairs now. Playing karaoke with her dance friend and shrieking with laughter. They are more like family they see so much of each other. I know all their mum's and none of them are pushy parents. Just people supporting a child with a passion.

I use the time DD is at dance to get more work done (my job is flexible) and although dance is fairly local I still have a lift swap group with other parents which takes a lot of the juggle out of it

My DD has always asked to do clubs. It's a combination of loving the activity for itself and spending more time with friends/fomo. There have been times when she had to choose between 2 which were on the same night. She's always had a busy week, and thrives on it. She's in year 10 now and has 1 club/volunteering every evening and 2 on one night - a couple are linked to her GCSEs, a couple are for DoE. She's tried a few things over the years, and decided what she liked and what she didn't. She continuing to learn an instrument which has lead to her being in 2 bands. She's danced since she was 3, and she's been in a few drama clubs over the years, one ongoing since primary. The only extra curriculuars I insisted on were swimming, which she dropped as soon as I let her and a tutor

No, among my children's friends its quite a mixture.

For mine it has varied.

all under 7.

swimming is non negotiable and my worst night of the week. I am the instagram sweating miserable mess as four children moan and freeze in a germ ridden pool.

if they want to try something, I let them. We will do a term and then decide.

I have one on a gymnastics team, she tried dance and things first.

two ride.

and one does tennis.

we don’t do weekend clubs, unless in future a competition as we farm and family time is limited.

they have all dipped in and out of things. Lots do free trials, so we are happy to give it a go but unless it’s something they are desperate to do at this stage we don’t push it.

As long as the answers to these questions is Yes, I think any of level of activity is fine...

1. Does the child enjoy and/or benefit from it
2. Can you afford it
3. Can you facilitate it
4. Is it fair between siblings
5. Is the child healthy (getting enough sleep, healthy food etc)

Because there is so much extracurricular missing at school and my definition of an education is being well rounded.

When they are little they try things to see if they enjoy them. Sports, clubs, organisations, instruments etc

Some things take and some things don’t.

By the time they are in high school they pick the things they want to do. Some kids are busy, some do nothing.

One of my children does very little.

one does everything and wants to do more.

it’s very much driven by them. We facilitate their choices as much as we can, time and funds allowing.

It’s a combination of things - pre-teen boys really do need a ludicrous amount of energy burning off each day. His friends go to a lot of his clubs so it is a social event for him (after school play dates aren’t really a thing because most parents work around here). And it is handy for me because he would be in afterschool club otherwise.

There is peer pressure to tutor, but we have resisted that so far (we aren’t in a grammar area or going private, and DS is doing well academically already). Mild peer pressure for school orchestra in that most of his friends are in it. No peer pressure for sports clubs.

Some after school clubs are free. I’m sure some parents just use them because it’s an extra hour of free childcare and saves them doing the school run at school kick out time!

Swimming is a life skill so they need to do that. They can then stop once they've got to a reasonable level.

Anything else is driven by whether you have given birth to a live wire or not.

I have 2 dc, 11 and 13, and they do 2 each a week, all sports, though they are quite creative at home. DD 13 also goes to a youth club for autistic teens. I think they would both do more but it's money and time - that's 5/7 days one of us taking a child somewhere. They also both do a couple of clubs at school, but they are free and straight after school so no impact on us! So I guess they both have about 4 a week.

I don't feel there's any peer pressure at all but I am happy they are both doing what they do. DD 13 is autistic and has no friends and unsporty, so until a couple of years ago did nothing after school. Doing karate twice a week is amazing, we're so proud of her. She finds school so hard academically and socially, so to have something for herself is so important. DD 11 is sporty and has been doing gymnastics and dance forever.

From friends, it is child led - usually a child who just loves drama / football etc.

I will say this has increased gradually and would never have done 4 a week aged 5.

Mine only does horse riding & swimming out of school. Riding because she loves it, swimming is non-negotiable.

She does cricket but just for the summer term and it’s a lovely way to spend a summer evening.

She’s at private school though so they offer a lot of extras within school eg dance, speech & drama etc

My kids did activities every night because they were sporty and wanted to do everything - football, tennis, running, swimming, dance, music plus scouts. I ran them around everywhere and it was a bit mad. They were never really had time for screens though, so that was great. Also they learned to be efficient with their time, as they had to squeeze homework in with all that.
Now they are young adults and they are still the same. They both have lots of hobbies, squeeze everything in, still don’t have much time on screens.
However also know kids who did no clubs and were very happy chilling at home doing craft, art, reading etc. I think it’s just down to personality.

Agree re: ramping up gently - DS did swimming lessons and Rugbytots in Reception, both at weekends, and was so tired after his day at school that we wouldn’t have managed anything else.

When they are going to bed a bit later than 19:30, you suddenly have a lot more time for clubs.