Do your DC do a gazillion extra curricular activities because they want to, or because there's peer pressure to do them, or because you want them to?

[OvenChick]

It's said a lot on here that children now do so many extra clubs and have hardly any down time. I want to understand a bit more about this now, as I have a baby and am thinking ahead to primary school years.

Is it just that it's the norm for children to do so many extra curricular activities and therefore kids would be weird for not doing them? Or is it that parents are encouraging them? Or is it something else?

(I went to Brownies and then Guides...that was it! Mid nineties to mid noughties. And even then I often wished I could just stay at home).

It's a fair observation!
I am far more introverted that DD and have lower energy and I find her endless pursuit of activity and company hard to manage (even as the taxi driver!). But it makes her happy and so I am led by her.

Mine do loads (they are a bit older now), and it’s definitely all come from them, as we were adamant that our children were going to be free spirits and not do scheduled and organised clubs and activities 🤣 then the universe gave us two boys who love organised competitive sports.

Son 1 is 14 and does swimming 4x a week, track running / cross country (trains at home twice a week), surfing, and cricket and he competes at a regional / national level in triathlon, aquathlon, open water swimming and modern pentathlon, as well as county level in swimming and athletics. He is also on an Olympic pathway for another sport (that is quite outing as only 20 kids nationwide are on that squad).

Son 2 is 12 and does swimming 2x a week, track running / cross country 2 x a week, surfing, rugby union and sevens, football and basketball. He competes at a county level in swimming and basketball, and at a regional / national level in most of the others.

We are out at training most evenings (one evening a week off) and most weekends have some sort of competition on one or both days. They seem to love it though and while they may not spend hours a day sitting around watching YouTube or gaming like other kids their age, they enjoy the sports so to them hanging out with mates before or after training or at competitions is their down time. Chatting with me or their dad on the car rides to and from is also down time. Plus there are a lot of hours in the day, they keep up to date easily with their homework and still have time to play footie or have nerf battles in the garden, or jump on their trampoline.

My kids are older now but I never did lots of after school stuff because I was working, it was pre COVID and I generally wasn't home until 6 so I couldn't transfer them to anything when they were too young to go themselves. They both did an after school drama club, but that was about it. I don't think anyone notices if your kid doesn't do any/many after school activities - don't feel you have to or that you'll be judged about it.

We also didn't do any regular weekend commitments until they could take themselves because frankly I didn't want to have to lose a weekend morning or afternoon to having to give lifts. If there had been something they were desperate to do I would have but kind of luckily they didn't.

My DD basically hates all activities because they involve being told what to do or doing things in a specific way. We have tried and quit lots. She is still relentless so it would have been good to tire her out but she has to do her own thing. Hopefully she will turn out ok despite the lack of extracurriculars!

I think it’s unusual not to do anything but I wouldn’t say there is loads of peer pressure to do loads of things. I’d say that it’s good to harness the enthusiasm of young kids and try things so that when they are teens they have at least one thing that they keep up.

Swimming is the only thing I made my kids to but my eldest DS has given it up now as he plays other sports 7 days a week! He needs it and loves it. But my other two do a normal amount of extra curriculars.

one of mine does cause she wants too - sports mad

I've always insisted on at least one active extra curricular but otherwise its been up to them. DD did loads of extra curriculars in 1st grade then burnt out and dropped all but one in 2nd grade (picked up one of the others half way through the year as she missed it) and never did too much again.

DS is in 1st grade and does so many extra curriculars (ice hockey, football, wrestling, scouts, circus school, multisport club), all his choice, and its a lot, now he has overlapping activities and has to choose each week which one he goes to. He still wants to do more. I am starting to feel pretty sure that he has ADHD which might explain why he wants to do everything - now so many have finished for the summer (just football and wrestling continue) he's desperately finding other ways to be active so has taken up rollerblading and working out. Peer pressure I think also plays a role because he also wants to do the things that his friends are doing.

We did loads! But they tended to be one after another. So DS would say that he wanted to do football or basketball or rugby and we’d sign him up. He only stuck with 3 though - rugby, chess and tennis. The others he kept up at school but not as extracurricular.

i don’t remember doing many extracurricular activities as a child either (I wasn’t a brownie or guide type). I did go to the Friday evening kids social club when I was an older teen though.

Forgot youth theatre. He did that for years. Saturdays were youth theatre followed by a dash to tennis for years!

In this day and age, it is strange if a family doesn't support enriching activities for their dc as there are so many to choose from. Learning skills and making friends outside of school is so important and I don't get why house work means you can't also give your dc a lift. Sports, scouts, music if they are inclined. Just running around the estate or the local park is limiting. Is your dc at school @OvenChick ? There must be clubs at lunch or after school? Do you take your dc swimming?

My two (now teens) have done swimming, scouting and karate for years.
DS1 dropped out of swimming after stage 7 but DS2 changed to Rookie Lifeguard which was more fun than stage 8 pool-pounding.
We also parkrun at weekends.
The Scouting fizzed at about 12-13 but it wasn't a very active unit and my two needed more adventures and structure than their unit offered. DS1 has picked up DofE and that keeps him budy Warhammering.
They are both dyslexic so have a weekly tutoring session to work on their specific weaknesses which is tricky in class.

I was a SAHM through primary school as (autistic) DS1 didn't cope well with childcare, but after a gap at home he does benefit from some structured activity later in the evening. I finish work at 4pm and have a short commute so plenty of evening time.

I like doing things, and when they were little I wanted them to do things with a broad range of skills, and the activities aren't heavily competitive or majorly committed. DS2is more active and has done things like football on top.

I work with many teenagers who really don't have any interest in anything beyond their phone/ computer screens which is a sad way to spend your youth. I remember talking to one of DS1's teachers in y7 and he was thrilled about the Warhammer (mutual interest) because so many teenagers that he teaches don't have a hobby and that can stiffle creativity and thinking.

@Landsloop its in the OP, I have a baby.

I think I’m unusual because my kids don’t do any extra activities at all.

If you have two kids, what do you do with the other one while you’re off taking one to the activity? Mine have four years between them in age and different interests. They wouldn’t want to go to the same activity.

I’ve sometimes asked them if they want to do things and they say no. My youngest goes to after school club while I work till 5. I then do tea for the kids and they chill out and play games till bedtime. Works for us.

@Catsandcwtches I’ve three, with some over lapping activities. I mostly manage by sharing lifts with other parents, particularly with my DS who plays three different types of sports with matches! Ridiculous but he just loves it.

I felt the youngest was just dragged about to the others activities when they were a baby & toddler. But now we have it all under control.

For us, it was because our mother wanted to give us ' a lot of opportunities'. I suspect it was also to get us out of the house, and to discourage my more outgoing sibling to think that hanging around on street corners/in bus shelters was appealing... so we went to a different sporting activity (or sometimes two) every day of the week. It was exhausting, and I'd have preferred art/music lessons instead, or at least a balance.

Sibling (who enjoyed the excessive sports and is obsessed with health and nutrition... at least it makes them very good at their job!) now has a toddler who has been signed up for a lot (to me) of extracurricular activities on top of full-time nursery.

My DC will be brought up in a much more rural area, which means that we are very far away from a lot of 'standard' activities, but I hope that they will forgive me for it when they're older!

That sounds nice and chill. How old are they?

@Gealach that’s impressive! I’d probably forget where I was meant to be and which kids I was taking where 😂

@Landsloop they’re 6 and 9. Some days it is quite relaxed, other days not so much as my eldest is autistic and has meltdowns about things (another reason I don’t push him to do clubs!)

Oh I have definitely done that.

It is paying off now that the eldest is a teen but has a sport which keeps her off her phone and active and offers a friendship group outside of school.

I’ve insisted mine both do swimming lessons for safety, that’s not an option.

They have then both chosen 1 other paid activity they both inherently enjoy.

I haven’t mentioned or encouraged anything else, as we want to keep our Sundays completely free and flexible.

We also have other things to do after 3.20pm each day- school friends over for play dates & dinner/mine are picked up by a friend’s parents to play and have dinner at theirs, one day their Nana visits (top priority for us- no clubs allowed that day), attend local free events, hairdresser comes, we also like 2 afternoons to play board games, free play inside and time to enjoy our own garden and decompress from school. We always eat dinner with my husband as well, we prioritise time as a 4 to eat, catch up and connect during the early evening.

I guess it’s one that will vary child by child, budget by budget, etc. I know children who do no paid activities as they are too expensive, and others who do one most days. Children have different energy levels too- my youngest would fare better with more than my eldest, who tires quicker.

You can drop one off. My son’s football for age 7 up is drop off for 1 hour. Similarly, my daughter’s theatre school does not allow parents to stay, she’s attended that alone for 1 1/2 hours every Saturday since she was 4, zero issues.

Agree though that it’s a choice for each family, and I know plenty who don’t do anything. Thought I’d mention it though in case they do develop an interest that plenty allow you to drop off.

Mine (7) does something everyday mix of sports and drama etc she’s high energy and doesn’t need much sleep (she’s always been below the sleep needs suggested, I know, I’ve seen them all)so it fills up the time before bedtime. Even on holidays we have to plan things so she gets enough exercise otherwise she simply won’t sleep. DH and I are coach potato people with a bit of exercise thrown in so clubs fill in the gaps, plus she enjoys it. NHS says 60 minutes a day of moderate to vigorous activity for her age so it’s not too much imo.

I think as long as your kids are happy with what they are doing it’s fine, they have different personalities and needs. Time and money are also going to sometimes be an issue. Theres some stuff I literally cannot fit in as much as she wants me to.

@ThankYouNigel Is it easy to fit in having dinner too? Do your kids eat theirs before or after clubs?

So my son’s football is 5-6pm on a weeknight. It is 5 mins by car, so usually me and my youngest drop him off, go home, do her reading for school and sort dinner, then his dad collects him at 6, then we all eat say 10 past. If my husband is working late, I take my daughter to collect him then dish up dinner from the slow cooker (that is brilliant if this day gets busy).

My daughter’s activity and their swimming lessons are all on Saturday morning between breakfast and lunch, so no clash with meals.

I’ve definitely avoided mentioning more activities as week day dinner time is busy/tiring enough 😂

I've always taken my DC to activities and encouraged them to try new activities since they were small and DD has ended up doing (and wanting to do) loads - have at times had to say no to adding more. DS has never been that keen and currently just does scouts and swimming plus an instrument at school.