Do your DC do a gazillion extra curricular activities because they want to, or because there's peer pressure to do them, or because you want them to?

[OvenChick]

It's said a lot on here that children now do so many extra clubs and have hardly any down time. I want to understand a bit more about this now, as I have a baby and am thinking ahead to primary school years.

Is it just that it's the norm for children to do so many extra curricular activities and therefore kids would be weird for not doing them? Or is it that parents are encouraging them? Or is it something else?

(I went to Brownies and then Guides...that was it! Mid nineties to mid noughties. And even then I often wished I could just stay at home).

It doesn't take much to quickly fill a week.

Swimming lessons is one night. Older (KS2) child then does two clubs of her choice (sports) and then might do another club if school is offering something interesting that half term. Music lesson is in school time. That's no more than 3.75 hours total which I don't think is a huge amount. It's also a lot more than the vast majority of children do where I teach. I'm glad my children have the opportunity to learn to swim, play an instrument and do other activities. There is still loads of time for playing.

My kids have always wanted to do loads of activities. Sometimes they moan about going half an hour before we leave but when offered the chance to quit, they always refuse. They're both high energy and need little sleep.

At the moment dc1 does Kickboxing, Rubnibg, Scouts, Netball and Violin. He'd like to add 2 more things but we can't quite fit them in at the moment because both of them require parental participation and a beginners course which is only run at certain points in the year.

Dc2 has football, Brownies, Beavers and two types of dance.

They both recently dropped swimming having reached an acceptable standard. Dc1 fancies doing the junior life guard training at some point. In the meantime we swim regularly as a family.

We try and facilitate everything they want to do and whilst there isn't a maximum, there is in theory a minimum. We've never reached it though. They're both still at primary school, are thriving academically (dc2's reading group is comprised of her and children two years older) and are measurable fitter than most of their peers. We re-evaluate on a term by term basis.

Equally both my children have friends who do no activities and friends who are as active as they are. It's definitely individual.

Agree with previous posters that it very much depends on the child first and foremost. DD (10) currently does a youth club and Scouts which are each on a weekday evening. She does a martial art on a Sunday and a volunteer/conservation group once a month on a Saturday. Weekly music lesson but this takes place in school.

School offer varying after school activities per term - last term none of them appealed this term she's doing 2. She had weekly swimming lessons until she was competent. She's tried her hand at rugby and dance before. She's generally quite high energy and needs tiring out! Some of her friends do similar amounts or more, some do none. I wouldn't judge either. Early primary think she only did swimming lessons and a short lived stint at ballet. We don't do more than we can manage practically or financially

..and was so tired after his day at school..

Ah, see I didn't have one of those. I had the Duracell Bunny.

I have one child who did very little as she was tired (medical reasons). She does more now but still needs her quiet time.

One Duracell Bunny who does absolutely loads, loves it all and still is up till god knows when. Loads of energy and wants to be with peers all the time.

I am definitely not the driving force. I would rather be on the sofa than running kids around. But if they want to, I will facilitate as best I can (I always seem to be the last to sign up though).

I don't know...this all sounds a little 'faux naivete' masking judgement, which is odd from someone with no experience of parenting this age group yet?

It also depends, if the household's default would be screentime when at home, being out and about is preferable for many

Another thing to consider is that as they get older extracurricular activities can be great for promoting mental health.

A child who isn’t academic can have their self esteem boosted by achievements in sport or drama or art.

A child who has struggled to find their place in school can find their tribe in a local hobby group.

Sports/physical activities particularly are great for stress relief during exams.

Schools don’t (and can’t) teach everything. There are all sorts of things to learn out in the world where you might discover skills you didn’t know you have, building confidence, building resilience and building community bonds.

Agree with many of the other benefits listed too - confidence boosts for a child with SEN, teaching resilience for a child that finds success at school effortlessly, reducing the temptation for screen time, creating rich friendships outside school, fitness.

Also, it means they mix with a wider group of children from different backgrounds. My school was very suburban and MC but through my hobby I made friends with everyone from people who hung out with the royals to people from incredibly deprived areas and indeed also with people from all round the world.

Decent leaders of activity clubs can also become valuable additional role models in a child's life. My son's dad is a nasty bully and it has been really valuable to find coaches and instructors who show a different type of being a man, for more in tune with my son's sensitive side.

It can also help them develop academic skills in a way that works better for them. For instance, my daughter has severe dyslexia and struggles with reading /hates her English lessons. But she's doing LAMDA outside of school and has already passed multiple exams with top grades- these involve her being able to analyse the script and talk confidently about different elements within it.

Finally I work in a very technical and academic field. Whilst it was my strong academic record that got me into the field, I know that it is the skills of leadership and team working /communication and staying calm in a tricky situation that I got from my hobbies that helped me climb the career ladder swiftly.

DD2 wants to do everything and now she's old enough travel independently, we let her.
You couldn't drag DD1 to any kind of club or activity if you tried.

That was just during transition to Reception! Had always been full of beans in nursery, and was back up to full energy after a term or two at school.

Clubs creep up on you as there's do many fab opportunities with friends to do!

We always said one sport and one other. So at the moment it's swimming lessons. DD does Rainbows and DS does Squirrel Scouts. No doubt that'll change as they get older.

Dd is nearly 14 and is free to choose. She does 2 sports competitively, a drama class and additional music classes in school that we pay for. It's expensive and a pain to be constantly organising our lives around but she loves it so we get on with it!

my DC’s schools (primary and secondary) offer free after school
clubs, which my DC love and do as many as they can; sports, chess, book club, drama, singing, STEM etc.
They also do cubs/scouts, dance, LAMDA and musical instrument lessons.
I didn’t encourage or discourage them really, just followed their lead. I insist on some down time (I actively encourage a bit of TV at the weekend) but they are happy, healthy, have great friendship groups and enjoy school.
I think it’s great they want to try lots of things.

Yes, when they become teens a busy, motivated teen is far preferable to the opposite.

DD1 (11) does Guides x 1, football x 3 and horse riding x 1 per week. DD2 (6) does Rainbows x 1, swimming x 1 and horse riding x 1. We have encouraged them both to try a variety of different things and this is what they both want to do by choice.

@Barrenfieldoffucks Think what you like, my field of fucks is also barren. Trollhunting to this degree is so tedious though. Trying to detect the subtlest of indicators and declaring it on the thread to prove that you are the world's greatest detective and that the poster is a bot/daily mail journo/your horrid ex.

I find that the tone of my original posts does often take a slightly formal tone because it seems important to get my points across in a logical way rather than forget something and have the inevitable "drip feed" accusation.

DS1 (14) is the sort of kid who will say "I've got Sunday afternoons free, I think I can take up competitive dodgeball" or whatever. He does a school club every lunchtime, is on a couple of school sports teams, is in a band, lessons for his instrument, and outside of school has football club, drama/theatre club and athletics club. He wants to do the football referee course next year and will start DofE later this year. It sounds exhausting but he thrives on it and is flying academically as well.

DS (10) needs more downtime. He does football, swimming and an instrument plus a couple of after school clubs at school that he enjoys.

I never did this. Kids can be over scheduled.

The more I read peoples' replies the more I realise I feel anxious about my DC doing load of clubs because I wouldn't personally want to do them. 🤣 This thread has worked like psychotherapy.

Dd9 does swimming, choir and piano lessons. She’d do more if money allowed -
she is very energetic and outgoing. Ds7 will be doing either hockey or football once a week in the new year - he’d happily do neither, total homebody.
At home they like drawing and gaming and we go out to museums and things like that, also dog walks.

My dd is a young adult now. She still fits more into her weeks than some people might fit into a month.

She did do loads of extracurricular stuff when she was younger. She definitely did more than most of her peers. It was entirely self driven. I often tried to talk her out of stuff because I thought it would be too much, but she was very persuasive and frequently managed to convince me that she could manage it. And she did.

She is now awaiting diagnosis for adhd. I think her brain just craved the constant novelty and stimulation. I have it too, and also have a tendency to overcommit myself, but I don't have dd's level of stamina!

My DD, adult now did a RIDICULOUS amount of activities. 12 or 14 a week.
She was an only, and i worried about her being isolated.
And I wanted to give her the moon on a stick.
And she loved them all.

It stopped when she got old enough to prefer play dates

I've always encouraged DD to do extracurriculars, and they were really just continued from her baby & toddler classes, so they've been part of her lifestyle for as long as she can remember. She hasn't specifically asked to do any activities, except for a few clubs at school that her friends were doing. I don't think there's any peer pressure from her class in terms of it being weird, some kids just don't have the energy for them. But it's very much the norm in our social group.

She does moan about a couple of them although mainly because of the timing/travelling distance. She enjoys the actual activity, and for me they build important enough skills to keep encouraging her to go. Eventually we'll have to drop a few (when the demands for 11+ tutoring calls) so I'm keen for her to do the fun stuff now while she can.