Retired at 46

[Zizi444]

I left my p/t job of 30+ years at 46 years old. I have a teenager in college and one in year 6. My eldest is a wheelchair user with a rare condition. I left my job after a very stressful year when my parents died and I'd had an emergency op, to care for my daugter through a prolonged illness. Thankfully she is now fine but she does need extra help and it's very different from having an able-bodied child.

I do everything at home/kids-related, school pick ups, hospital appointments (there are a lot) sort bills and any admin/banking, take dog, and this has always been the case, working or not. Partner works and bins out and cuts grass does odd bits and bobs.

I could return to work, but only during school hours or with a fair bit of flexibility but I don't really want to. I enjoy the peace and everything not being a mad rush. I'm doing an OU degree, and the house is clean and tea is made from scratch every day. Luckily, I don't need to work financially, but I do feel guilty not working. I feel awkward and uncomfortable when people ask what I do, and I often state my old job. Would you feel guilty not working? Is being just a mum not enough? This is entirely coming from me and my partner/kids do not mind if I work or not. I also do worry that by not working, I'm setting a bad example to the kids. Any thoughts?

Well, you'll have a long time of just pottering around ahead of you. Sounds like you can afford it though so I guess it's if you feel like it's enough, or whether it's going to damage your self esteem.

Just make sure you’re not vulnerable in the event of divorce. You might think it would never happen to you but if it did, how would you be protected?

I'm 46 and if I could afford to retire I would do it in a heartbeat. It's fine to be a SAHM and also to be studying - surely no one would even think of questioning that?

If you can afford it thats fine. My DSis retired at 46. She lasted six months before she decided she couldn't really afford to do it after all and maintain her (expensive) lifestyle and would be better off working for another few years.

It’s perfectly reasonable to be a SAHM, and there’s no reason to feel guilty about it if it works for your family.

Don’t call yourself retired though, it implies you’ve made your millions and so aren’t working - the only person I know who describes themselves like this is a massive twat.

If this works for your family and you and everyone is happy then carry on. You’re in a very privileged position, enjoy it and who cares what others think!

Is it retired ? I'd probably just say I don't work.

I don’t think I would say retired - you’re currently SAHM to look after the children. I can’t see an issue with that & your family sound OK with it too. You might feel differently in 5 years and decide to go back.

You're a carer, a student and a parent. I agree that I wouldn't say retired. Drop the guilt - you're doing more than enough!

So you’re a SAHP? Nothing to be embarrassed about. Calling yourself retired would perpetuate the ‘she doesn’t do anything’ idea so I’d avoid calling yourself that if you don’t like it.

I thought retired meant you would be able to draw a pension. Based on your age now, that's over 20 years away.

i don't think it matters or is relevant how "guilty" people might feel about stopping work in their 40s, you have described your family circu,stances that are unique to you. I certainly wouldn't advocate for feeling guilty, if it's your choice and if you decide to take up new work later on. Just be mindful that any skills you have now will be rusty and in need of updating then. If you don't go back to work, fine, your choice.

I wouldn’t call it retired either, you just don’t work because you have caring duties towards your kids.

Definitely don’t feel guilty. No one else has any idea about other people’s lives. Occasionally I worry that others judge me but nobody i know (except 1) has a partner who does literally zero at home/with the children Monday to Friday . He’s not lazy, his work is very demanding and it’s the division of labour we as a family chose. I study and volunteer too but really it’s no one’s business what I’m doing. Some (honestly very few) People will always have an opinion but it’s their life. It’s yours. You’re doing what’s right for your family. But yes, do make sure that your position is protected in case of a divorce

How does your partner feel about shouldering the entire financial burden of the family and being the sole earner

Make sure you are contributing to NI for your state pension. Are you registered as your child’s carer ?

Also look at contributing to a SIPP, you can add £240 a month to this.
life happens, divorce, car accidents, redundancy could all happen to your husband and you need to have some way of supporting yourself in the future .
otherwise enjoy, work is overrated in itself

People only judge if they think “the taxpayer” is funding your lifestyle.

And you are not retired, that indicates you don’t work, you do, you do lots of work.

I don’t have a salaried job, I do bring money in but it’s on my terms when I want to, H earns enough for the household and a double luxury pension (yes I know about divorce but even with that at our age it’s all fine).

So that’s what I say if anyone asks “do you have a job?” “Oh god yes lots of jobs”
And be mindful it’s a luxurious choice not everyone can make right now.

Ours loves the fact he can provide for his family and all his free time is to just be a dad and husband.

Having our children gave him the reason to drive himself forward, he wouldn’t be where he is without our unending support, and he knows this.

We are a family that play to our strengths and work as a total team, including the teens, appreciate and love each other for what we do and how we do it.

You are a student and carer so I wouldn't consider you retired either.

You should get NI credits towards your state pension if you have a child under 12 and are claiming child benefit. Check what happens after that as you may still get credits if you are a carer. Do consider the suggestion of putting money into a private pension too if household finances allow.

Work wise you would need a lot of flexibility to cover your carer duties. Have you looked into exam invigilating which may fit your time restraints?

If you’re not working check that child benefit is covering your NI contributions, otherwise you’ll potentially end up with a partial state pension only.

What about a pension? If you receive child benefit I think that goes towards your state pension but what about after this finishes? Will you have enough years. Also what about a private pension as you won't be working so there won't be that anymore

Don't be embarrassed. Your a carer and sahm. If you can afford not to work. Good on you.

You are working, firstly. You’re looking after your child who needs extra support and recovering from bereavement while keeping a household running.
Not to mention studying!

I do work but I think families are often happier, less chaos and stress when one parent is at home and able to take on the brunt of the family care. Old fashioned but it’s what I notice. Things run smoother.

You’ve worked for 30 years, you don’t need to feel any guilt at all. You’ll probably go back at some point, when the time is right. A career break sounds like a good choice for right now.

You aren't retired you are a SAHM.

The only thing that would worry me is if anything were to happen to your OH.
What's the plan if he can't work at some point?
Maybe you could look at a small amount of volunteering in a charity shop or community project.
It would look better on a CV along with studying and homemaking should you ever need to go back to work.

I was 46 when i retired as well. I had my two kids young with my ex H and they have now moved out (one only two years ago) I bought my ex H out of our house and when i sold it it was to move in with my now DH who owns his home outright. Neither of us need to work fortunately. I live off my savings and he has savings and plays the stock market (we both realise this could come crashing down any day) If this happened we will both get part time jobs, we dont need much, time is more important to both of us than money.