Retired at 46

[Zizi444]

I left my p/t job of 30+ years at 46 years old. I have a teenager in college and one in year 6. My eldest is a wheelchair user with a rare condition. I left my job after a very stressful year when my parents died and I'd had an emergency op, to care for my daugter through a prolonged illness. Thankfully she is now fine but she does need extra help and it's very different from having an able-bodied child.

I do everything at home/kids-related, school pick ups, hospital appointments (there are a lot) sort bills and any admin/banking, take dog, and this has always been the case, working or not. Partner works and bins out and cuts grass does odd bits and bobs.

I could return to work, but only during school hours or with a fair bit of flexibility but I don't really want to. I enjoy the peace and everything not being a mad rush. I'm doing an OU degree, and the house is clean and tea is made from scratch every day. Luckily, I don't need to work financially, but I do feel guilty not working. I feel awkward and uncomfortable when people ask what I do, and I often state my old job. Would you feel guilty not working? Is being just a mum not enough? This is entirely coming from me and my partner/kids do not mind if I work or not. I also do worry that by not working, I'm setting a bad example to the kids. Any thoughts?

You're not retired, you're a SAHM. Big difference in my eyes. If you are actually retired then why the degree?

Would you ask this of a woman forced to work crazy hours after partners disabling event? Sometimes there's no choice .

Sounds like you have a lot on your plate caring for your teenager. The only thing I would worry about is securing a decent pension and what savings do you have in your own name. Would it be enough to house you and dc in the event of divorce. Hopefully you’ve thought about this as

I'm 46 and have stopped working for a while. I think it's fine, and I don't feel guilty but I tend to steer conversations away from work as people can be a bit ignorant. I am doing an OU degree too, and it's enough to keep me busy alongside looking after dcs and my other hobbies. I enjoy having the time to myself and I don't miss being at work. I have learned how to invest during my time at home so I have no concerns about a pension.

You can contribute £2880 a year to a SIPP even if unwaged, which gets topped up by the government and you have a long investment horizon so you have the time to take risks with it. If you have a role in a limited company you could potentially increase that contribution. You can also invest outside of a pension, if you have a LISA you get the financial equivalent to the top up and it's also tax-free on withdrawal, but you would have had to have set it up before age 40.

If you get Carer's Allowance for your eldest, that will cover any NI contributions, with no upper age limit for him.

I think it’s a case that you are a sahm rather than retired, if you say carer it raises even less eyebrows

I wouldn’t feel guilty but given you circumstances I would ask :

Do you have a pension?
Do you have life insurance (given you are a carer)
What if your DH died or was too ill to work
What if you died or were too ill to work?
What if your marriage broke down?

My concern would be to not leave yourself financially vulnerable.

No one should be judging. Why is it ok for women to be nurses/nannies/cooks outside the home, but they're somehow failures if they look after their own family?
I couldn't afford to be a SAHM, but I certainly don't look down on anyone. We all have to make the best choices we can for ourselves and family with the cards we've been dealt. If you can afford it and you're all happy, then be glad. Feminism doesn't mean looking down on other women for their choices.

You need not be ashamed when randoms ask what you "do". You are a SAHM, a carer for a disabled child and also a mature student. These are perfectly respectable social statuses.