Humour me please! You're on dragons den in a weeks time. What are you bringing to the panel?

[matthewMATTHEW]

Light hearted thread! I'm in hospital and bored out of my mind.

you have to go on dragons den, in a weeks time to either pitch a business model or invention. What are you going to pitch? Doesn't have to be completely realistic as I doubt mine would be possible due to legalities but I think it's a good idea 🤣

ill go first:
im going to offer a business model which customers pay a monthly rolling direct debit to my company named TyredButCovered.
the direct debit price is set at the value of the car with various add ons if needed, like multiple vehicle policies, windscreen cover and a monthly full valet at your home or work place. The direct debit will cover all tax, insurance, MOT, services and tyre change. Essentially I will do everything for you so you do not need to worry about anything else aside putting fuel in the car.

What are you bringing to the dragons? As big or as small and simple as you like

Shit spray.

Contains harmless to the environment biodegradable ‘stuff’ that upon application instantly dissolves dog poo, liquidising it and neutralising any odour.

One pocket sized spray delivers 250 sprays (one spray per average size poo) and will retail at £4.99.

Cost to produce is 29p per can.

A washing line that a wheelchair user can use.

Swimming lanes down main roads, heated and with a current so they are like beautiful lazy rivers carrying you to work.

An app to crowdsource parking fines. If you see someone park illegally you take a photo and submit via the app, the council fines them and you split the revenue. If more than one person photos it then you have to split with them as well.

Can you tell I live in a tourist town??

I want Dara O’Briain’s “home button”. It’s a button you can press wherever you are and you are instantly home in bed-pyjamas, teeth cleaned-everything.

HOVEVER!. A million years ago when I was 10, I won a a prize for an essay about a new sort of book where you could wish for any book you wanted, and there it would be. I love my Kindle…..

A company that makes an insert in your open drawer in your too high chest of drawers into a usable bedside table and you no longer have to reach up high in the night to get your glass of water and risk pouring it on your head as you do so.

Just an issue for me then?

Ah! That reminds me of how I used to yearn for the ability to see any film or tv show at home at any time I wanted as opposed to having to flog to Blockbuster where it was never in stock anyway.

Surely you or someone could make that for you? In fact my fingers are itching to get on with it as I type!

A singing telegram type service to deliver really bad insults to people that have wronged you/upset you/pissed you off

Personalised songs, with a few sweary words telling them what a complete Cupid Stunt they are

@matthewMATTHEWUnfortunately an iteration of your idea, already exists…. Just in leasing form rather than ownership.

A call centre to triage questions/concerns for elderly people (or anyone who wants to use it really) when the people who help them with things are at work/busy/away. The idea would be that the caller can explain what's concerning them and the call handler can either:

• Provide a simple answer/solution (eg caller wants to know what time their favourite TV show is on, so handler can google it and tell them);
• Have a quick chat if the caller just wants that, or wants to run things past someone (eg. wanting to discuss what to have for lunch)
• Confirm that their question is complex/needs personal information and they need to speak to a family member, but it is not urgent so just speak to them when they are not busy (eg. Can you help me find my Xmas card list and when are we going shopping for Xmas cards).
• Confirm that their question is complex/needs personal information and is urgent so they should call their family member at their workplace/call multiple family members to track them down (eg. immediate health problem but not serious to require an ambulance)
• Arrange for emergency services assistance (eg. person has fallen and can't get up).

The service could send a short text to the usual helper/s just to say there had been a call and whether this had been solved on the call or whether they need and urgent or non-urgent call. There could also be a premium service that answers calls between 11pm and 6am and will confirm whether the question is something that should disturb everyone's sleep (eg a fall) or can wait until morning (eg. got up in the night for a drink and noticed they are low on tea bags)

DH and I have elderly mothers who call us whenever anything comes in to their heads that they think we should help them with/answer for them. Despite many discussions, they don't consider whether we might be working/out/busy and get upset if we don't answer. They will call repeatedly, regardless of how urgent the query is, so it's impossible to know whether it could be urgent and we need to leave a meeting/stop the car etc to call them back immediately or they just want to ask what sort of jam they should buy. I know quite a few people in a similar situation.

I've invented a button you can press to reduce your car to the size of a toy car when you are not in it, great for any kind of tricky parking situation. The only issue the production teams are having is accessing safe spaces to blow it back up again without causing injury to passing humans. I reckon a small investment from the dragons, maybe a few million each and we could sort that out.

A wheelie bin that wheels itself to the pavement on bin day. #lazyass

A verified review service for schools. You get a special code at the end of each year/or just once before you leave the school, which verifies you’re a legitimate parent (and not some troll writing fake reviews). It would be highly moderated and could only state facts, in order to prevent hostile parents from going off on one(!) and would have an entire additional section where there’s a survey on SEN provision. All parents posting reviews are kept 100% anonymous from prospective parents and from the school they’re writing about.
This would enable parents choosing schools to make informed choices.

Obviously I’m not sure what would happen with regards to co-parents and if they’d each get to review or just one? That could be tricky, but otherwise I think it could be a really useful and insightful tool. Especially those of us parenting 100% alone and are utterly overwhelmed when choosing a secondary! You get 10 parents telling you how crap/rough/lacking in SEN provision/lax a school is then another 10 telling you how amazing it is/well regarded/excellent SEN provision etc. 😵‍💫

Someone that comes to my house once a week at a set time and checks that I've done the housework and all the things I'm meant to be doing.

If I need help for the hour with chores we'll do that. Or we go through some admin stuff. Bit of life coaching.

You could probably plug it into chat GPT if not now then soon and get it to create a video of it!

This is the kind of aspirational thinking we need on MNs dragons den 🏆

If you fancy it it would be great @CurlewKate! 😃 If I tried myself it would be all wobbly or just collapse under the weight of a paperback book.

underfloor heating for roads so they never freeze

Language learning chip i.e. implant it in your brain and you'll know XYZ language instantly

A tissue box that fits inside your cup holder

An egg yolk flavoured condiment. So like, instead of ketchup or mayo, I would invent an egg yolk flavoured sauce to dip my chips into, but without having to cook an actual egg. Make it vegan or something too so it appeals to everyone.

An ejector seat on public transport seats which activates when people don’t use headphones.

Transdermal calpol patches for children who refuse to take medication