Is it just me, or is keeping the house tidy basically a full-time job now?

[GlowWithBalance]

I feel like I spend half my life cleaning, tidying, or putting things back where they belong, and the place still somehow looks messy by the end of the day. It’s not even deep cleaning — just the constant stream of shoes, laundry, dishes, school stuff, toys, parcels, and random bits that appear out of nowhere.
I try doing quick tidy rounds, I try doing one big clean, I try ignoring it… none of it makes a dent for more than a few hours. With work, kids, and everything else, it feels impossible to stay on top of.

Our laundry is 'mess'. My dc are messy clumsy children so they produce 2-3 outfits a day to wash each (uniform. Some kind of club uniform and pjs). I find pyjamas strewn everywhere.

My DM tells me that I should be washing just one set of uniform a week but my dc are generally covered in paint, food, mud by the end of the day (and they are secondary and late primary aged!)

Everyone tidies up here, not left to DH or I. I will call the DDs from their rooms to move their rubbish/ cups/ dishes/ shoes. I'm nobodies maid.

Yeah with kids, a tidy house at all times is pretty impossible. A few things I’ve done which have helped in my house. My kids are 5 and 2 so still very young!

Get strict about them tidying away one toy before they drag something else out. Lego needs to be put away before the playdough comes out etc.
fruit and veg net bags to keep small parts together and organised, easier to store than boxes and keeps less little bits turning up all over the house.
use the delay start function on your washing machine. Put it in at night so it’s finished for you getting up, then you can chuck it in the dryer first thing.
do multiple resets throughout the day, I put a 5 minute timer on the Alexa and we all run around crazy to reset the house. It is unbelievable how much you can do in 5 minutes when there’s a countdown and you’re completely focused. Make it a game and get the kids involved.

I hear you, currently on maternity leave and have a primary school age child but want to set up good systems and habits to keep the house more manageable when I return to work in six weeks...

women have always worked. Often backbreaking long hours.

OP in your case it's not clear how old your DC are or if you have another adult in the house. But the answer is: everyone has one big box that they put their stuff in, then they go round and put it all in the right place. Anything not put away gets put in the garage (or elsewhere) and they have to give you a good reason why it was lying around and why you should stop what you are doing (and that includes just sitting down doing nothing) to get it for them.

And you divide the chores according to age/ability of all household members. Definitely include the other adult, if there is one.

Yes I completely agree. My DP helps a lot when he’s home, but does work a lot more hours than I do so I do the bulk of it. Got a toddler (and a couple weeks away from a newborn). It’s constant and I feel that’s only doing the basics of laundry, general cleaning the kitchen, hoovering, toys away etc. there’s so many “big sort out/deep clean jobs” I need to get to but by the time I’ve done the basics I feel I’ve ignored my toddler long enough with tidying and need to play with him!

I feel your pain, Op. It’s just me and DD here now, but we are both AuDHD, I am disabled, and we have too much stuff in too small a space, and I’m a bit of a hoarder (l know I can’t afford to afford to replace anything so keep it all ‘just in case’), and it’s a disaster.

How old are they though? My youngest is 2. This approach only really kicks in once the youngest is 6 or 7 minimum.

I think the biggest thing that has changed in the fact that we have lots of stuff. Every sport needs a different kit and/or equipment. Even for school subjects, each subject has a different A4 sized ‘pack’ then multiple that by the number of children you have. There’s always so much stuff needed and never enough space or time to deal with it all unless you have a huge garage or lots of spare room.

I found this was the case with a child between age 2 and 10 - lots of extra laundry, food-making and toy picking-up (even if they 'helped', I was still involved) plus simply having extra categories of "stuff" like craft materials, junk for junk modelling and bath/garden toys. In the tweens and teens we are starting to come out of the other side as the toys start to move on or categories are streamlined and no longer need a dedicated space just for that, and children are more capable of providing useful help.

THIS !

I work FT and spend my whole weekend sorting the house. Have DH and x3 teens .. all of whom would happily live in total squalor 😡

Saturdays I take delivery of the weekly food shop this also includes putting away, cleaning the fridge out, old/new food rotated, bins out, dishwasher, emptied and re-loaded, kitchen floor mopped. Then the rest of the weekend is the weekly deep clean bathrooms, clothes washing & drying, hoovering, errands eg pick up things not arrived on food shop/return any online shopping/go to post office/pay bills/tidy/see my sister/dust & wipe down surfaces.. plus some weekends is also wash beddings, take car for valet and decluttering, It is neverending

It helps to have a lot of storage and clear places for everything and routines. E.g. shoe racks and coat hooks at child height. No snacks till shoes put away. Big boxes for toys. Beds made every morning. Laundry basket for each person. Get the kids doing easy chores like loading and unloading the dishwasher / clearing the dinner table every night. Caveat, mine were pretty good at all of this but teenagers are way messier than younger kids and we've had a regression. Now I send them photo's of the crap they need to clean up on WhatsApp rather than nag.

Good grief, I have a cleaner 3 times a week and my house is nowhere near immaculate.

Cleaners don’t generally tidy things away - at most they stack things up in random piles so they can vacuum and then you have to actually sort them/put them away.

Plus with having messy kids every day they make a new mess.

I’m in a slightly different boat, granted, because my children are younger, one preschool age and one baby, but I noticed a big difference when I started being a bit obsessive about ‘everything in its place’ and sort of forcing myself not to just put anything down, if that makes sense. Everything has a home; bags on pegs, coats on hooks, shoes on rack etc. I’ve got my four year old on board with that too, so he puts his bag, shoes and coat where they belong when we get home etc.
Also following a sort of schedule, for want of a better term, for cleaning and tidying for the bits that otherwise get a bit overlooked and giving myself the ‘rule’ of never leaving any room without cleaning or tidying something in there, big or small.
It still isn’t immaculate but it’s not too bad for an old (slightly too small for us!) farmhouse on a working farm with a husband who works constantly so does nothing around the house, two small children, two dogs, a cat and various chickens and ducks who think the house might be theirs too.
Maybe none of this would help or is relevant but maybe it will! Best of luck with it all!

I literally had a meltdown about this yesterday.
I'm a single parent and I work 12 hour shifts, plus attend university and I have one (out of the 4) very needy child. No matter how much time I I spend cleaning before I leave for a shift to ensure the house is spotless, when I leave its like someone has shaken the house and said "there you go!" .
On my return I'm normally taking my shoes off at the door, quickly changing and putting my hands into the sink to wash up, then running the hoover around and folding and putting washing away - that had previously been washed and folded! Sorting the dog out and everything else that has been left to me.l and I end up exhausted.
Fri night I came home to a blocked toilet and they all waited to tell me this on my arrival. I just told them what to do went straight to bed.
Sunday morning I had the meltdown due to sheer exhaustion, whilst washing the dishes. I'm in my pjs and son comes in with his new gf who I've not met yet and he asked me how I was! That was the last straw! I asked him to close the kitchen door and I just broke down.
Since then the house has been cleaned, helped by all and currently remains in this condition.

You definitely don't need new pyjamas every day! Weekly is fine, or twice weekly if sweaty?
To be honest at the ages yours are I would tell them their uniform needs to last three days. If it gets messy they can either do their own laundry or they can wear it again with the food and mud on it. 🤷

Are you in my house?! honestly, the accumulation of stuff in my hall nearly brings me to tears. I have 3 teens (no dogs though!) all very sporty / busy, and even though there is a 'place for everything', without constant reminding nagging they just dump it in the hall - like you, muddy boots, football gear, school bags, water bottles. I work f/t too, and it never ceases to amaze me how my perfectly tidy house (i.e. the way I leave it in the morning) can be so easily upended in the space of such a short amount of time. I find it very depressing.

Oh, and all mine did jobs, tidied up etc from a very young age. Single parent. They were expected to help. And did, and still do - but it's the daily, ongoing tidying-up that really is a problem. It's soul-destroying.

Ah well I see the hall as the official dumping ground and if it’s left there , that’s it

I like the living room tidy
snd the kitchen and bathroom clean
but the hall is designed to have things dumped in it

mindset

stop trying to achieve the pointless

They get food all over their pjs. If they take them off before breakfast then the uniform gets it. Dd is dyspraxic and I've given up 'correcting' her because ultimately she can't help it and her self esteem will be in the toilet of I kept on nagging her to be more careful, not spill that drink etc.

They would wear their uniform with mud and food on it. That's the problem. But I can't in good conscience send them to school filthy.

My DS is also dyspraxic though it's DD who used to get clothes covered in food. Napkin for breakfast or just put the food covered PJs on again

I could vacuum every night and sometimes I do.
Laundry every 2nd day, but I try for 3rd or 4th day.
😰

I saw a quote the other day

"OK is good enough"

I think sometimes we strive for things to be immaculate but actually it doesn't need to be. For example the washing basket doesn't need to be religiously empty each day. If everyone has clean uniform/sports kit or work stuff for the next day then that's OK. Or the hallway skirting boards look dusty but the floor has been recently swept then that's OK also. I have friends who are always out doing things on their evenings and weekends. Their house can be unkempt at times with things left out, washing folded everywhere etc. However they have so many awesome tales of adventures they've had so actually who is right?

I only have one child who's now a teen so appreciate it isn't as easy with more kids, but I have always worked full time including a lot of travel - including international travel. I just don't recognise this and I'm not entirely sure how people have so much to do, unless no one else in the house is doing anything.
DS has always been expected to look after his stuff and keep his room reasonably tidy. So toys, teddies etc lying around ok in small amounts but dirty clothes, plates etc absolutely not. We do have a no food other than snacks in the bedroom rule and other than the odd nudge to bring down drinks glasses he's pretty good - it's always been expected that he'll do his bit to keep the house nice.
We generally have a 'just do it's approach as we're so busy - dishes get done straight away, bins get emptied as soon as they're full, nothing gets left out etc. Kitchen surfaces wiped straight after dishes, robovac every day, bathroom wiped through the week etc - nothing ever gets really dirty or messy.

I honestly think it's the only way if you work.

DD has just pointed out that in 1868 novel, Little Women, even with Mrs March and four daughters, mostly at the teen stage. Even when they are on their financial uppers keeping the maid/housekeeper on it pretty much taken for granted.
It's always been a full-time job if you have the resources after a roof, bills and food.

This is really helpful because while I mentioned a couple of the everyday irritations from my ND family earlier, it goes much, much deeper for them and I worry about how the DCs are going to manage when they move out. I’m not particularly good at routines because I just do things when they need doing but maybe it would help if we started eg putting the DW on at the same time every day instead of waiting till it’s full. I have tried all sorts of strategies over the years and there is gradual improvement but they get complete overwhelm and either throw everything into the nearest drawer and can never find it again or live with constant mess, losing things, not knowing where to start, extreme procrastination, not filing important paperwork and as an NT adult is is hard for me to understand and very frustrating, it is far more than just not being a completer-finisher, I’m not one myself, I get distracted all the time but not to anywhere near the same extent. I never knew until fairly recently that the things of things being out of sight means they cease to exist to some people has a name (object permanence) and it does explain a lot.

I do agree with a lot of PPs that decluttering is key, we do have too much stuff, it would be easy to blame having a too small house but I suspect if we moved to a bigger one we’d fill it because we all have lots of hobbies. Discipline over decluttering does gradually improve things.