have you ever lost a lifelong female friendship ?

[famalam09]

I could find myself in this position. Losing a friendship that's that long must be like getting divorced in a way ?

Yes. I now barely speak to a woman who I spent 17 years in each other's pockets. Almost every weekend together with our families and holidays etc.
Its funny because I have spoken to other friends about the situation and we've said in some ways a marriage/partnership breakdown you both know its "done" its rather clean in many ways but the end of a friendship- unless its quite clear why aka they slept with your husband its much muddier...

Yes, a 30 year friendship. It was many years ago though, and without that friendship ending I wouldn’t have the amazing friends I have now. So in some ways, it worked out for the best - as one door closes, another door opens.

We weren’t super close, but a friend I had between 10 and 30, and whom I had gone through loads with - we met up after a couple of years at 30 and I realised the extent of her casual racism. I just couldn’t do it anymore.

Yes. A cousin of mine. We were very close. Never ever thought we would never speak again. It's sad but it is what it is.

Friends since we where 12 and when we hit our 30's,we just grew apart

Wed been through everything from boyfriends,marriage,divorce,childbirth and every other issue we had together

She was the sister i never got

My school bully moved in opposite her house and made a beeline for her friendship and squeezed me out but we where drifting anyway

We had very different parenting styles and my kids where sick of hers getting away with things I would have bollocked them for-she thought the sun shone out of their arses and they could do no wrong

Like the time her ds leaned out of an upstairs window and spat at us

She denied he'd been upstairs (he was hanging out of the upstairs window!) and she'd come to our house,hers would make a mess and they'd swan off home,leaving us with the mess

I did try and pull hers up on the mess but was told 'it's not that bad,it'll only take ten minutes to clear away and yours made most of it' (they hadnt)

Two days it took to get my house back to normal

Plus she could spend her money on stuff and ask her parents to pay her rent/top her up,I couldn't do that (my parents would have laughed me out of the house for even thinking about it)

Not only could I not afford to spend like she did,her ds used to bully and brag to mine about what he got (weekly-not just birthdays/Christmas,all he had to do was ask and someone would buy it for him-his sisters where the same) and mine knew I couldn't afford half of this stuff-every penny had to be turned into a pound and I couldn't afford the latest game console or posh TV

I just let things drift after being spat at-im sure school bully is really satisfied at this but I was past caring at that point

Edited for typo

Yes. My best friend of 32 years has just disappeared from my life. I don’t know why. I saw her for the first time in months at her son’s birthday party in July. She barely said two words to me and we haven’t spoken since. She didn’t thank me for the presents, she didn’t respond to my text on his actual birthday, and she’s just ignored my son’s birthday this week. I have no idea what I’ve done but this year has been hard enough without this shit.

Yes a couple of decades long of a friendship which I came to realise was actually me being loyal and being her secret keeper while she actually and actively ridiculed me in front of others. i did not realise how bad she was until a huge thing happened where she was violent towards me (and then tried to manipulate me into thinking it was my fault) but then I just walked away and have never looked back. I do wonder what things she told people about me afterwards but I do not really care as my life is better without her in it. I have never told anyone the real reason for the ending of the friendship as it would have outed a few of her secrets and I don't hate her, I would never tell someones secrets nor hold their past against them I just could not be able to look at her the same way again. Wish her no harm nor malice but she just does not exist to me anymore.

I had a friend through college and she was a really nice person, I liked her a lot. Then I went through a period of depression and I really wasn't coping. I inadvertently ignored a message she had left on my phone (on voicemail, I just didn't see it) and I think she thought I had ignored her deliberately. I just didn't have the headspace to try to make things right and so I let it all slide.

It's been too long now for me to do anything but I wish I hadn't just left things.

Yes. We fell out 20 years ago and I still think of her

yes. Very familiar. Some my fault some theirs. It’s a heartache

Yes ,she was my best friend of 15 years then had an affair with my DH

Yes i still think of them (plural) from time to time and miss their interactions

Do you want to let it go OP? Or are you hoping to keep her in your life?

Yes. Friends from aged 10, now in our mid 50s and we have been estranged for about 10 years now.. She was such a jealous person , she wore me down but I tried to keep it going. Looking back, she made very little effort, it was always me rowing the boat.

I would dread telling her anything good because just couldn’t be happy for me but she loved bad news . I moved abroad, she was fuming. She was invited to come to stay, they could afford it, her husband told her to go and he would look after their DC, she just refused . Now it’s a birthday message and a Christmas message and that’s all. She stopped making any effort at all. It makes me very sad but even though she had no other friends, she simply never cared as much as I did.

Yes I lost a friend of decades I think due to her counselling and protecting her peace. I had supported her and she me. My life fell apart overnight and all I wanted was a phone call, text or a glass of wine. Nothing. But she could fuss around other friends who didn't give a shit about her and she still expected me to spend hundreds on her birthday.

I'm angry about it. I will never forget or forgive. Let's see how these golden people get her through her mostly self inflicted constant dramas.

Yes, I have, but it’s not anywhere near the sadness and aggravation of a divorce.

I have a friend of 12 years in certain we’re about to go our separate ways. It’s horrible. I feel sick. But our shared interest has gone and we are two very different people.

My friend of 23 years ditched me in February, it’s felt like a bereavement.

I’ve not lost a lifelong friend but I’ve recently distanced myself from a friend I’ve been very close to for 6 years. She was my ‘go to’ person and there was very little we didn’t know about each other. We supported each other through bereavement, relationship breakdown and so much more. We would text each other most days, usually about mundane stuff but we were a constant presence in each others lives.

She started having some huge problems with her family but for some reason, started using me as her emotional punching bag. It went on for nearly 18 months and attempts to talk about it, just ended with her becoming even worse. I’ve had to totally step away as I no longer recognise her (part of me wonders if drugs are involved) but it feels very strange to be without her.

Yes. We did so much together, travelling, holidays, childcare etc. We always joked we'd run a commune when we were old and grey.

Then nothing, during a very sad and hard part of my life. I don't think I can forgive her for that and so we are now simply acquaintances. I was hurt for a long time, then angry - now I can honestly say I'm ambivalent. It made me realise it was probably a bit of an uneven relationship always but I didn't mind then. Now, I can't get past it.

Yes. My best friend from secondary school. She stopped talking to me after I got married for what I consider to be ridiculous reasons. It’s over 10 years later and I still feel a bit sad about it.

Oh god, I came very very close to walking away from my friend of over 30 years.
BUT it was an incident that was very out of character.
Digging deeper i understood where it had come from BUT i was shocked at how she just completely switched & how vicious she was. it took my breath away.
Anyone else would have walked away and not tolerated such behaviour.
It's fine now. But neither she nor I have ever talked about it since it happened.

I lost a close friend after I moved on and had another child 4 years after my husband died. She blocked me when I told her I was pregnant and I've never heard from her since.

Yes, my best friend all through school - we knew each other before school, when we were 3-4! Sadly she died unexpectedly last year, before we were 64. I'm missing all the phone calls (usually 3-4 a week), her opinions and her astute observations on life, the surprise postcard or letter or little gift through the post (she was very thoughtful).

All my other old friends (6 or so) from 30-40+ years ago are male. I never kept in touch with anyone else from school. Although we do speak/message often it's usually more 'as a group' & being all male, despite being very good friends frankly it's just not quite the same.

I’m the other side of this. Ditched a lifelong childhood friend once she had children and I saw a really steely and obsessively competitive side to her nature. We could never meet up without her bragging and comparing our children. She and her DH did well property developing and our lifestyles were completely incompatible. Her husband then started to be very sneering and superior.

We still exchange Christmas cards and I’m sure she wonders why I make excuses not to see her but it is such a relief. You can’t change people but you don’t have to put up with their shit.