have you ever lost a lifelong female friendship ?

[famalam09]

I could find myself in this position. Losing a friendship that's that long must be like getting divorced in a way ?

Not a friendship but my dsis blocked me and cut me and my dc off a few years ago when i refused to do an equity release on dm house and it came to light she had been helping herself to dm money i tried to discuss it amicably she decided to cut us all off and make it difficult to see dm as we were no longer included or updated on her health etc

dsis has obviously given all family friends a different version probably that I am jealous of her and her success which couldn’t be further from the truth she’d been funded by dm all her adult life if anything she is jealous of me so none of them speak to us either now.

I have accepted it I miss her but I won’t forgive her and hope the truth comes out one day

Yes a friend just stopped being sociable at all. It seemed like it may have been linked to friends having kids. She didn’t want any apparently. She’s pretty recluse like now. We were in and out of each others houses all through school. Like family.
It’s sad. But she has done it to everyone. She’s extremely defensive if challenged on anything. So I prefer to remain on cordial text terms.

Yes my cousin who was my best friend growing up, we were so close, lots of people thought she was "odd" but I totally "got" her. She was quite dishonest at times but I let it go as I valued her friendship so much. Then she became a mum at 19 and she became very selfish, letting me down a lot & late all the time. Then a family issue arised & we haven't spoken in over 11 years. I don't miss her & don't have the energy for her selfishness

Another friend who I'd known for about 25 years didn't even send me a card for my 50th even though I'd gone above & beyond for hers. So she was gone too, sadly

I now realise it's quality over quantity!

It's also (sadly) made me more reticent with other friendships. I don't want to invest as I do t want to risk that emotional pain again

@AnnaQuayInTheUk yes I get this. It was a once-in-a-lifetime friendship, and I believed there was nothing it couldn't weather. Until there was. I won't trust someone else the same way again.

Yes. A friend who I'd known since I was 11, told me in my 30s I was a bad person and I'd been the same since we were 11 and an awful friend. I was devastated. I believe I was a damn good friend! She's since cut everyone else out of her life so I'm a bit confused by the whole thing!

My sister in law and I where very close

She was engaged to my brother and I was a single parent

As soon as they set the date and started planning her big day,I didnt matter anymore and she dropped me from a great height as I was single and said I never wanted to marry anyone

Her married friends suddenly became her best friends and I was 'lower than dog shit' (her words,her loss)

Same friends thought she was clingy (she is) and took the piss out of her but it was ok as they where married so somehow better than I am

Yes , and it’s devastating at the time.

however , a few years down the line I’m able to look back and see I wasn’t always treated very well.

although it was upsetting at the the time and I still think of the fun we had , my mental health is better now and it was for the best we stopped being friends

I was so wrapped up in her constant stress and drama , I don’t think I was very fair to my family sometimes

I think most things work out how they are meant to work out, even if it’s upsetting at the time

Yes, it hurts

Yes. It all works out for the best in time.

Two.

One friend had an operation on her foot and stayed with her parents for a while. I went over to parents, took flowers, chocolate etc. Did running around for her. Groceries, dry cleaning, child care. A few months later I was in hospital - blood clot on each lung. Spent 12 weeks at home - no card, visit anything.

Friend number two.

Friend's husband accused her of child abuse. It was horrible, especially as she was a teacher.
He had her arrested, she had him arrested of locking her and her children in the house etc. She thought it was all down to jealousy as she was working with a man for another school and all her husband's lies were just jealousy.

She sat on my sofa and me trying to understand this siht show, asked if she was having an affair, not that that was an excuse, but possibly some kind of crazy reason of husband's action. She said no.

I stood by her. Batting of her when other friends who said she had an affair and this was her crazy husband's revenge. No I kept saying, no affair, no excuse of husband's behaviour. Helped her with childcare, was there at police interviews, contacted women's refuge in case she has to flee.

Found out later she had had affair and then went back to the husband and now has another child. She never contacts me.

When I was going through bad break up never heard from either of these two friends.

Yes. Very sad and also puzzling. But far less bad than a divorce.

Yeah I lost most of my childhood friend group.

One of the group was engaged to an absolutely lovely man, he was such a sweetheart and got on well with everyone in the friend group. He and my husband became very close.

The friend confided in the group one day that she was having an affair with one of her subordinates at work. The way she talked about it was so braggadocious and like she was really proud of it, and the rest of the group were egging her on. It left a really bad taste in my mouth.

I sat on it for a while then talked to her in private that I thought it was incredibly cruel to let a man sleepwalk into a marriage with someone who fully intends to keep a side piece, and if she were any sort of decent she'd tell him. She refused.

I agonised for a while but ended up telling him. He left her. I was immediately ostracised by all but one of my old friends, she was also then ostracised for supporting me. We'd broken girl code.

I'd do it again in a heartbeat though.

I used to have two female school mum friends

One married,other in a long term relationship and I was single

I babysat,looked after the married ones child when she went into labour,spent my money on them (was a skint single mum),mopped up their messes,did the school run for months when one was ill and did all the running around for them while they didnt lift a finger for me

Both where having affairs behind their husband/partners backs and I kept quiet (they wouldn't have believed me-both men think they are the best partners ever),one set me up on a blind date with a very dangerous man (and thought it was hilarious) and they started to try and control me and how I spent my money (I was very vulnerable having just come out of a dv relationship and zero support)

Once they tried to turn my dc against me and I stood up to them,they dropped me like a hot brick

The smear campaign was horrendous-they knew i could open my mouth at any time and drop them in it,so made sure they got in there first so I wouldn't be believed

I ended up moving away but even now,15 years on,I'm still breathtaken at how anyone could be so evil while painting themselves to be whiter than white

Yes. We were like sisters. She had alcoholism after a bereavement, got treated but switched to cocaine. She stole a substantial amount from me and terrified me with her behaviour. This is about ten years ago. She wrote an apology email a few years ago but tbh the damage is done and I didn’t reply.

Yes an old school friend - she cut me off no idea why. But it’s fine.

Yes. It was awful and still hurts a lot, ten years later.

We met at nursery school aged 3. Age 10, we were sat next to each other by a teacher and became firm friends. We were like sisters from age 10 for the next thirty years. Age 40, my mum died and I never heard from my friend again, off her own back. I would get in touch, she'd reluctantly reply quite some time later, and then I'd never get another reply. After 18 months of this, I confronted her, told her how I felt, and I got the famous non-apology apology, "I'm sorry you feel that way." At that point, I really lost my temper.

Looking back, there were signs that she'd become increasingly odd over the years, but I never thought she'd do to me what she did. She made losing my mum ten times harder, and it absolutely shook my faith in friendship and in human nature. I still think of her, and although I have no regrets about not being friends with the person she turned out to be, I think I will always be really sad that things turned out the way they did, that she couldn't be a better person. We were so close for so many years. I'd known her for 37 years, and I don't think I will ever truly get over the loss. But I could never, ever trust her again.

So yeah, losing a lifelong female friend is really, really hard, but sadly, that's life sometimes.

Something I've found healing is to be grateful for the good times and the thirty years of great friendship that I did have with her. I have a beautiful silver and amethyst necklace from her that she gave me for my thirtieth birthday, and although I was tempted to get rid of it, I didn't. I'm keeping it as a reminder of what we had. I was lucky to have such a close friend for so long. I'm not sure that I will ever be able to wear the necklace, but I will always keep it.

I absolutely hate it when grown adults can't communicate what's wrong. You would have thought that 32 years of friendship were worth fighting for. She might have got totally the wrong end of the stick about something, but without communication, how would you know? It's really childish to ghost like that.

Absolutely brilliant! Well done!