Annoyed at friend's comments

[Onthefence87]

I am pregnant and had a scan today...nobody knows yet (other than me, DH, and health professionals) even our older children!
A close friend works in that hospital and typically we bumped into her today straight after,walking down the corridor, my pregnancy notes folder in full view 🤦‍♀️ (although she hasn't had any children yet so was hoping she wouldn't know what they were)

It was really sudden seeing her and I wasn't expecting too, i was on edge with the situation (obviously didn't want her asking questions) so said a brief hello in passing and told her I would message her later about arranging a date to meet up.
I was also feeling quite like a zombie because I was up at the hospital at A&E with my mum last night who had hurt herself falling over, so wasn't feeling quite with it today really.

I messaged her later as promised apologising for being abit offish earlier- I explained I was feeling quite rough today after being up alot of the night with my mum at A&E and not getting much sleep, hoping she would maybe think I had been there with my mum and not for any other reason 🙈

She replied bluntly saying 'I have to ask, are you pregnant?' Telling me that me and DH looked 'sheepish' and she saw us coming from the antenatal clinic direction and me carrying the folder (notes) then said I seemed like i didn't want to talk to her (with a very guilt tripping 'sad emoji')

Its really annoyed me, firstly that she has asked me so directly trying to force me to tell her....even if she clicked i was likely pregnant and had been to the clinic, she should have realised I might not be ready to share that with her!

And also i'm annoyed that she has guilt tripped me about not talking to her much, clearly knowing it was potentially an awkward situation and that I wasn't feeling great after a worrying night with my mum and barely any sleep.

She does have a habit of speaking her mind too much or saying funny comments....we had to cancel seeing her and her partner for a night out last month as my mum was ill and couldn't babysit, and she commented that her partner had had his hair cut especially for the evening ,asif trying to make me feel abit bad.

Also she once assumed she was going to be a bridesmaid at my wedding before I even asked her (she wasn't going to be asked and it made things really awkward and we fell out for awhile)

We have been friends along time since school, shared lots of times together, and she can be really nice, but her attitude lately is really grating on me.

Not really sure how to handle the situation and keen for advice and perspective.....feel like she is relishing the fact she has caught me out to be honest and trying to push to be first to know the 'gossip' 🙄

So what did you say, in answer to her question? She does sound rather forthcoming.

Meant to add, telling her i'm pregnant is not an option...we aren't ready to share the news yet and there are others we would tell first anyway.

So it's either completely ignore the message or find some way of replying without telling her (also don't want to lie) I'm inclined to get abit funny if I do reply being rather annoyed about it, so wondering if it's best just to ignore it and not speak to her or see her until maybe a month or so when we are ready to share the news with her.

Either ignore her or reply and say “if I am it would be my news to share at a time I chose to do so” and leave it at that.

OMG she's so nosy! Just respond with 'no I'm not pregnant.' Keep that story up until you're ready to share the news with everyone. Wow, the cheek of her.

Congratulations by the way! 😃

“That’s a bold question! No reason for us to have looked sheepish, I just had an appointment and I was exhausted from being with mum overnight. Wasn’t keen on being back at the hospital so soon. I promise if there is ever any pregnancy news to share I will do so when the time is right for me! Did you see the bake off final? “

A gentle ticking off and redirection.

Agreed Op, I would find her attitude tricky to be patient with!

I think I would be so annoyed at her rudeness I would actually tell her that whether you are pregnant or not it is none of her business.

I feel quite annoyed on your behalf that she has backed you into a corner and you are having to waste time dealing with her nosiness when you have much more important things on your mind.

I hope your Mum is doing ok after her fall.

I know you’d rather not lie but it really is a yes or no question. If you don’t want to say yes, you have to say no.

If she’s irritated later down the line you have an opportunity to tell her that she was incredibly presumptuous to ask that question and that you weren’t ready to share.

Bless you, OP. That is such bad luck. I would ignore the message, but if she is the gossipy type and connected to your inner circle, I think you might have to bite the bullet and tell your closest friends before she has a chance to tell them about seeing you outside the antenatal clinic at the hospital, because she surely will.
Wishing you love and luck for your pregnancy 💐❤️

Yeah it is a bit forward and unprofessional of her. I'd just just be honest and request she keeps it to herself until you are ready to share the news.

She's not allowed too.

If you see someone in a hospital, you are not allowed to mention if for privacy reasons.
Op, you would have comeback there, so keep on the ball.

Oh I appreciate that, I'm sure she isn't allowed to, but that won't necessarily stop her doing so anyway.
If it were me, I'd rather speed up my timeline than risk my friends hearing my news from someone else, but OP will decide how best to handle it for her family.

It's such rotten luck for the poor OP to bump into someone just at that sensitive moment.

Had a similar situation, I just said I’d share any news when me and DH were ready and appreciated that they’d keep quiet about seeing me at the hospital.

She shouldn’t have asked. What happens if you were finding out bad news for example? I think one of the earlier posts about a a good idea, either don’t reply at all or say any news we have we’ll share when we’re ready.

congratulations!!!!!!

Thanks so much for the helpful advice!

I thought not replying might basically confirm her suspicions for her considering how direct her questions were! But obviously don't want her to know either and can't really be bothered with an argument when its a happy time for us, so replied and kind of skirted around the subject without outright lying (we did go for a walk around the grounds before our appt, haha)

'Oh did we! (Seem sheepish) Ahh sorry but it definitely wasn't that (not wanting to talk to her) just thought you were in the middle of working so didn't know if you were able to chat, was feeling really rough with lack of sleep, and wasn't expecting to see you so took me by suprise!
We went for a walk around the grounds at the back behind the staff carpark for some fresh air and came back in through the hospital.(she commented that the only areas near that door are the renal and antenatal units)
(husband's name) took the day off today to take the girls to school, nursery etc then came upto the hospital
My mum is not too bad thanks, obviously quite shaken up but fine in herself, just trying to check in quite abit with her as obviously concussion can take awhile to show can't it. And she had quite a whack as she fell head first onto the concrete and didn't put her hands out for some reason! (She is adamant she didn't lose consciousness though)
Great, let me check the calendar tomorrow and I'll let you know dates to meet up.xx

Definitely going to put off meeting up til i' ready to tell her though, as know she will likely mention something again and it won't be so easy to know how to respond and hide anything on the spot face to face!

'Of I was pregnant I'd certainly not be telling you before my own family'

I don't mean this to sound horrible, but I actually think you are over reacting a little.

Your say "a very guilty tripping sad emoji". But it's just an emoji. She doesn't necessarily intend it to be "very guilty tripping."

Anyway, you clearly don't like her at all (and perhaps with good reason) so I would just stop being friends with her if I were you. After all, if this is how you react to seeing her and getting a message from her, the friendship is pretty dead in the water, and you both deserve better than to be wasting time and emotional energy on these awkward, fraught interactions!

Good luck with your pregnancy, by the way. (And, sorry to be a downer, but as someone who has experienced pregnancy loss, my personal advice is to rethink the whole secrecy thing. It's utterly fucking horrible when you lose a pregnancy your close friends don't even know about. And it can happen to anyone, sadly, though of course it usually doesn't, so please don't worry).

If I had my time again, everyone I love and rely on even slightly would be informed of any pregnancy at the first faint line!).

You've over explained yourself there. The key to a good lie is to keep it brief. You might as well have just messaged her back "yes I'm pregnant".

Literally anyone you know could've seen you walking along with your pregnancy notes 🤷‍♀️

If you want to be so cloak and dagger about being pregnant, you're going to have to stick them in a bag.

She's bound by confidentially if she works at the hospital.
She shouldn't be telling anyone..body cow

Appreciate your perspective.

We have also had pregnancy losses on two separate occasions (including a missed miscarriage of triplets at 12wk scan, which unfortunately fell the day before our wedding) hence why I am quite guarded about telling people til abit later on as we would rather choose who we told if that happened.

I don't not like her at all, i'm just annoyed by her attitude sometimes, but don't want to get into big arguments with her or never see her again or something, i just feel she should be abit more sensitive and respect our privacy, like everyone else we know would, so not going to be forced into telling her.

The emoji thing just felt rather unnecessary when she knew i wasn't feeling great and seemed like she was kind of making it about her and felt quite blaming too.

Hi, I Was so sleep deprived after having been in with mum! Nice to bump into you even if I was a zombie, let’s catch up soon! Xx

PS- cannot believe you’re asking about pregnancy- nosy much?!?

Hmm don't want to outright lie though or will look pretty stupid in afew weeks or whatever when I eventually tell her.

Yes she will probably see right through it (again) but think it will work to throw her off any more questioning for now and better than ignoring completely/outright lying which would be the only other options considering i'm not prepared to confirm that i'm definitely pregnant.

Hopefully that would be the case that she wouldn't share it,but luckily we don't have a shared friendship group/mutual friends as she does like to gossip!

'If and when I'm pregnant you'll find out at the same time as everyone else and definitely after close family members'.

It’s obviously completely your choice how and when you tell people but I do feel like you’ve blown it out of proportion a little. Your friend asked you if you’re pregnant, it’s not ideal if you weren’t ready to tell them but you were caught out and if you actually like this person then surely a simple ‘yes I am but please keep it to yourself as we don’t plan to tell anyone for a while’ would suffice.

If you don’t trust them not to spread your news then they aren’t really your friend are they? There isn’t really a need for all the cloak and dagger stuff.