Annoyed at friend's comments

[Onthefence87]

I am pregnant and had a scan today...nobody knows yet (other than me, DH, and health professionals) even our older children!
A close friend works in that hospital and typically we bumped into her today straight after,walking down the corridor, my pregnancy notes folder in full view 🤦‍♀️ (although she hasn't had any children yet so was hoping she wouldn't know what they were)

It was really sudden seeing her and I wasn't expecting too, i was on edge with the situation (obviously didn't want her asking questions) so said a brief hello in passing and told her I would message her later about arranging a date to meet up.
I was also feeling quite like a zombie because I was up at the hospital at A&E with my mum last night who had hurt herself falling over, so wasn't feeling quite with it today really.

I messaged her later as promised apologising for being abit offish earlier- I explained I was feeling quite rough today after being up alot of the night with my mum at A&E and not getting much sleep, hoping she would maybe think I had been there with my mum and not for any other reason 🙈

She replied bluntly saying 'I have to ask, are you pregnant?' Telling me that me and DH looked 'sheepish' and she saw us coming from the antenatal clinic direction and me carrying the folder (notes) then said I seemed like i didn't want to talk to her (with a very guilt tripping 'sad emoji')

Its really annoyed me, firstly that she has asked me so directly trying to force me to tell her....even if she clicked i was likely pregnant and had been to the clinic, she should have realised I might not be ready to share that with her!

And also i'm annoyed that she has guilt tripped me about not talking to her much, clearly knowing it was potentially an awkward situation and that I wasn't feeling great after a worrying night with my mum and barely any sleep.

She does have a habit of speaking her mind too much or saying funny comments....we had to cancel seeing her and her partner for a night out last month as my mum was ill and couldn't babysit, and she commented that her partner had had his hair cut especially for the evening ,asif trying to make me feel abit bad.

Also she once assumed she was going to be a bridesmaid at my wedding before I even asked her (she wasn't going to be asked and it made things really awkward and we fell out for awhile)

We have been friends along time since school, shared lots of times together, and she can be really nice, but her attitude lately is really grating on me.

Not really sure how to handle the situation and keen for advice and perspective.....feel like she is relishing the fact she has caught me out to be honest and trying to push to be first to know the 'gossip' 🙄

Haha no....definitely not.DH isn't keen on her as thinks she is quite overbearing.

I work at a hospital and we are told to just smile and nod at friends/family if you see them on the grounds. Only engage if they do so first. Also it’s a sackable offence to say to anyone else you know mutually ‘I saw onthefence at work today’ the confidentiality rules are really strict. So really she should know this and mind her business.

Thanks for all the replies....interesting that they are quite divided with opinions!

She is a nurse and whilst I hadn't thought about the whole patient confidentiality thing until people mentioned it on this thread, that is a good point really that she shouldn't have taken the information outside the hospital environment.Also feel it's abit like if you see someone at the doctors surgery that you know you don't ask why they are there!

I didn't know she worked in that area of the hospital, and wasn't even thinking about the possibility of seeing her 🙈

As mentioned in PP upthread, i've sent her a vague and non committal response now, and will be holding off having any more contact with her/meeting up until we are ready to tell her!

I am annoyed at her cheekiness and part of me wanted to have abit of a go at her about being so direct, but don't really want the stress or arguments/her getting defensive or having to discuss it further with her.

i would have said
“hi yeah lovely to see you, not sure what you mean with sheepish ? But as explained was tired/stressed so maybe you read something into that. Not getting into my medical stuff at this time but please don’t feel like i don’t want to talk. Let’s meet soon and have a catch up.”

Then delay until you are ready to share.

I know that she is your friend. But isn't there an NHS confidentiality issue here as she works in a hospital.

She sounds like real Blabber Mouth

I would ring the hospital in question and find out. But don't give them your or her name.

Don't text back to her.

And reconsider your friendship. She doesn't sound trustworthy.

📢🏨👶
X

Where she asked it makes mo difference and she was "a friend" - good news or bad......

When you do tell her, if she reacts negatively you do not be defensive. You say I really would have thought after years of working in a hospital you’d understand a bit more that people’s medical details are sensitive information.

I am a nurse and I wouldn't dream of asking anyone I knew why they were attending the hospital I work in. It's absolutely none of my business and a breach of confidentiality. Your friend must be aware of the regulations with regard to this. The fact she's asked you outright is astonishingly cheeky.

Congratulations on your pregnancy and wishing you a healthy happy time going forward. Glad your mum is on the mend too. A fall can be so frightening.

I sat with a colleague waiting for their 12 week scan in an antenatal clinic once and still didn’t say anything until they announced it on our work WhatsApp.

We should all have the right to keep our medical information private if that’s our choice and the decision to reveal it shouldn’t be made for anyone.

This.

God, she’s rude! I came out of the doctors surgery one day and bumped into a friend I the car park. She muttered something about an appt with the gp. I knew damn well that the only clinic running at that time was the midwife clinic but she clearly didn’t want to share with me that she was pregnant so I left it there.

im absolutely not known for my tact and diplomacy but even I could tell that this was a time to keep my mouth shut.

sounds like this woman needs the slow fade!

Absolutely. Even aside from the fact that the friend encountered her at her workplace and should never have asked, a friend would respect someone’s choice not to tell.

I didn’t tell anyone other than DH, my midwife and my line manager that I was pregnant till I was 19 weeks, because it wasn’t clear I would be able to continue the pregnancy because I needed to be treated for an illness. It was very obvious to my colleagues in particular that I was pregnant, as I was throwing up in the loos a lot, and looked awful, but I very, very much appreciated them being so respectful of my choice to keep schtum. And I think my best friend knew before I did, because I was staying with her before I tested and she’d noticed me being either ravenously hungry or slightly nauseated.

It's such an inappropriate question. I've unfortunately been in that 'grey area' where I was pregnant but with complications. Ultimately the pregnancy ended in a loss at 20 weeks. From 12 weeks (when the complication was first spotted) I avoided people as much as possible - I couldn't find the words to even answer 'how are things?' never mind 'are you pregnant?'. Wishing you all the best with your pregnancy.

Thankyou all for your support, I didn't want to put a downer on a happy time by stirring it all up the other day, but when I eventually tell her I will challenge her abit about it and say something like 'when you saw us at the hospital yes that is why we were there, but we didn't want to feel forced and pressured to share the news before we were ready to do so'