Annoyed at friend's comments

[Onthefence87]

I am pregnant and had a scan today...nobody knows yet (other than me, DH, and health professionals) even our older children!
A close friend works in that hospital and typically we bumped into her today straight after,walking down the corridor, my pregnancy notes folder in full view 🤦‍♀️ (although she hasn't had any children yet so was hoping she wouldn't know what they were)

It was really sudden seeing her and I wasn't expecting too, i was on edge with the situation (obviously didn't want her asking questions) so said a brief hello in passing and told her I would message her later about arranging a date to meet up.
I was also feeling quite like a zombie because I was up at the hospital at A&E with my mum last night who had hurt herself falling over, so wasn't feeling quite with it today really.

I messaged her later as promised apologising for being abit offish earlier- I explained I was feeling quite rough today after being up alot of the night with my mum at A&E and not getting much sleep, hoping she would maybe think I had been there with my mum and not for any other reason 🙈

She replied bluntly saying 'I have to ask, are you pregnant?' Telling me that me and DH looked 'sheepish' and she saw us coming from the antenatal clinic direction and me carrying the folder (notes) then said I seemed like i didn't want to talk to her (with a very guilt tripping 'sad emoji')

Its really annoyed me, firstly that she has asked me so directly trying to force me to tell her....even if she clicked i was likely pregnant and had been to the clinic, she should have realised I might not be ready to share that with her!

And also i'm annoyed that she has guilt tripped me about not talking to her much, clearly knowing it was potentially an awkward situation and that I wasn't feeling great after a worrying night with my mum and barely any sleep.

She does have a habit of speaking her mind too much or saying funny comments....we had to cancel seeing her and her partner for a night out last month as my mum was ill and couldn't babysit, and she commented that her partner had had his hair cut especially for the evening ,asif trying to make me feel abit bad.

Also she once assumed she was going to be a bridesmaid at my wedding before I even asked her (she wasn't going to be asked and it made things really awkward and we fell out for awhile)

We have been friends along time since school, shared lots of times together, and she can be really nice, but her attitude lately is really grating on me.

Not really sure how to handle the situation and keen for advice and perspective.....feel like she is relishing the fact she has caught me out to be honest and trying to push to be first to know the 'gossip' 🙄

I think you’ve massively over reacted. You bumped into a friend while in hospital. This friend saw you come out of the antenatal department and put two and two together (having your notes out also kind of gives it away).

You just need to say that yes, you are pregnant but would prefer, given previous losses, if she didn’t say anything. If she does, she’s going to look like an arse. It was an accident she found out.

I would back off from this friendship as you don’t seem to get much from it and she doesn’t sound like a good friend tbh.
you should respect people’s privacy if you see them in a medical setting especially if you work there.

Don't be such an emotional drama queen.... nothing wrong with her for asking an obvious question under the circumstances.....

This, perfect response.

I understand that you dont want people to know, but I think you have over reacted. Your meant to be friends, to me, aaking if your pregnant is a resonable question, a question I would ask myself. As for you hoping she wouldnt know what your maternity notes were because she hasnt got any children, when she works in a hospital, seems to me that you see her as "not very intelligent" and you clearly dont trust her, therefore I would knock this friendship on the head, espically as you have just lied to her.

I would reply with ‘Why do you ask? You know my mum hasn’t been well’ and leave it at that. She is bound by patient confidentiality and she’s behaving totally inappropriately, even if she has a non-clinical job in the hospital. When you are ready to announce your news, I would speak to her after and tell her how inappropriate she was and totally f*cking nosey 🙄 Honestly, some folk. Lovely news and congratulations 🥳

That does seem rather odd,
Can I ask (and please, I'm sure this will be found to be totally unrelated) was she a previous ex of your partner? Any history between the 2 of them?

I’m sure there are rules about this sort of thing? Surely if you work in a hospital / GP / or any kind of medical field you’re not meant to take your work knowledge / info gained as a by product of your work time outside of work? It would be interesting to know what her manager would think of this. Wonder if any medics / medical staff are around to comment? I worked in admin for NHS as a student and this was really drilled down

….alternatively I would just reply and say ‘if anyone finds out I’ll know where it came from’.

I don’t think the OP is over reacting at all. The friend / member of staff had no right to ask her that outright, whether she was at work or not - it’s nosey and invasive. I can’t stand people that think they have a right ‘ask anything’ and invade people’s privacy - if someone wants to tell you whatever news they have, then they would tell you.

She's unprofessional. She should know that if she's working in a healthcare setting she doesn't mention anything she sees or hears within that setting and that includes meeting you. So no, she shouldn't have asked you if you were pregnant.
I would just ignore the question to be honest and if she pushes I'd tell her that your health is your own business.

“I have to ask“? No she doesn’t! I agree with not over explaining but would either ignore or send something like supperlite’s message. It’s incredibly rude to push if someone hasn’t volunteered.

I’d remind of the expectations of her role and just say “I thought there was a confidentiality clause working in the NHS? I had an appointment and I’d rather not discuss it.”

Except there absolutely is everything wrong with asking that when she was at work and there in a professional capacity. She has no right to know and should have had the sense that the OP could have been there for bad news as much as good.

I agree with this. There have been times when I've suspected friends/family of being pregnant, but would never have dreamed of asking them. Its something for people to share on their terms.

Gossiping about suspicions is a big no no too. Such an intrusion of privacy ...

Id be really annoyed with your friend ...

In my friendship group, we all outed each other as soon as we could. Anyone had a brew instead of a wine, they were fair game. Suppose if you've had difficulty, then you might not be ready to share but does she know that?

Meh, can see both sides. As much as I understand why you would want to wait, I feel bumping into your mate at her place of work whilst you’re holding pregnancy notes is one of those unavoidable situations where someone finds out before you’ve had the chance to tell them.

Obviously you can reply “no”, however given she clearly already knows it just seems a bit odd to me to keep it up. Surely “yes but I wasn’t planning to tell anyone yet as it’s early days and not even my other kids know so please keep it to yourself” is suffice. She didn’t follow you to the hospital and spy on you from the car, she works there.

You're been a bit of a drama llama about it.

"Yes, but we're not making that public yet" or "If I were, I'd be sharing that sort of news in my own time" are both fine answers.

Getting tied up in knots about a perfectly reasonable supposition (friend walking out of antenatal unit carrying notes) seems a bit excessive.

I've seen people I know at my hospital and I wouldn't dream of putting them in the position of asking. I give a brief professional head nod and keep walking unless they approach me, and don't mention it when I see them outside work. I hope it reads as 'Im acknowledging you, but this is work Sardine and you're not my patient'.

Just shut her down by saying "I told you I was there because of my mum".

Just say no or not at this time and move on

"Hi Friend. I hope you are not insinuating that I'm putting on weight! I was checking in on my Mum, and we were getting fresh air outside. I know you have a vivid imagination, but I don't think you should put two and two together and come up with five on my account! (plenty of laughing emojis) Catch you at the next meet up

Someone asked me if I was pregnant before I was ready to tell people , because some one where I was going to work knew someone I used to work with and they called me to ask. I said no. I wasn’t ready and it was no one’s business when I was ready to tell people I called them up and said actually yes I am but I wasn’t ready to say when you asked. That was that. Don’t give other people so much thought

Right bunch of nosey buggers on this thread. It's never acceptable to ask a friend outright if they are pregnant, as it's always on a need to know basis, and when they want to tell you, they will. You never force it, it's so sensitive.

'I wish I was, especially with all the disappointment and upset we've had with pregnancies'.