Tell me worst/funniest driving test stories

[Drivemare]

massive exhale
I’m still trying to calm down from my first driving test earlier today (learner in my late 30s), where I failed my arse off. My nerves have never hit me so bad! My fingers were literally rattling…
I had to merge into a duel carriage way and 3 lorries were in the left lane… none would budge over, I slowed and slowed… was running out of space, going 20 in a 70… I got so nervous I literally said ‘help’ (💀) and my examiner had to talk me through it. After the exit, I had to pull over because my nerves were shot. I don’t think I could go back to the same test centre for the embarrassment.

My instructor looked shocked when I talked him through it because I’d been driving so well and passing the mocks. I’m not sad at all that I failed, as I need to be able to handle such situations… but how I’m cringing tonight - gaaaaah!

Any solidarity out there?

Sorry but if you’re expecting vehicles to ‘budge over’ when joining a dual carriageway then you’re not ready to pass your test. It’s up to you as the driver to plan ahead, anticipate and match your speed to be able to slot into a gap.

yep

My first driving test was a total shitshow - in an unfamiliar town, with a different BSM instructor from usual as my regular one wasn't available that day, and his car was also subtly different from the one I'd had most of my lessons in. I was a bag of nerves.

It went so badly that after about ten nightmare minutes - midway through an excruciating 25-point-turn - the examiner terminated the test in the interests of public safety, took the keys out of the car and walked back to the test centre by himself, leaving me sitting there waiting for the instructor to come out and collect me and the car!

To make it worse, the BSM always insisted candidates hire the car for a three-hour block, so when we got back to the driving school premises I told the instructor he was welcome to take the keys with him and go inside but I still had 90 minutes' hire time left and I wasn't budging out of that damn car until 11.30am. A new manager had started that day and made the awful mistake of trying to coax me out with a load of soft-soap about how I was obviously very upset and I should "...come inside for a nice cup of tea, love." Being called "love" was the final straw and I told him to fuck off.

I felt so utterly humiliated that it was four or five years before I could face taking driving lessons again, but I did pass on the third attempt.

When my mum took her test (she passed) another candidate asked to borrow her glasses as he'd forgotten his and couldn't do the eyesight test without them.

First test my instructors car broke down that morning so had to borrow another car completely different to what I was used to and had to stop for fuel on the way. Older examiner and very straight faced. Never spoke a word other than instructions. Came to reverse round the corner which was my best manouver. Smashed it every time in lessons. The near side wing mirror kept dropping so I had to ask him to move it up for me. Failed me on that. Told instructor the route he took me and it wasn’t even an actual test route. He seemed to have merged a couple of routes. Passed second time with a nice chatty examiner. Still hate driving lol

First test, I knocked another parked cars wing mirror off. Instructor immediately stopped the test, got out and made me ring my driving instructor to come and collect us. I actually nearly died of embarrassment.

Back in the 90s: My driving instructor said to me, “right I’ve found out who your Tester will be. Just wear a short skirt, you’ll be fine.”

I took this literally, wore the skimpiest skirt I could get away with and passed!

Driving instructor was gobsmacked (he was sure I’d fail, he told me afterwards, and the skirt thing had been a joke….)

First test : I was inadvertantly wearing my old contact lenses, I failed to read the number plate indicated. I never even started the engine.
Second test : I drove up on to the pavement.
Third test: I queued up behind a parked car, not realising it was parked.
I am not a good driver

on my second test I had an examiner who was more on the large side and was man spreading whilst sat in the passenger seat. In panic instead of grabbing the great stick I grabbed the inside of his leg (luckily closer to the knee ). I did pass though so swings and roundabouts

On my second test (which I passed), I had a trainee driving examiner who was being assessed himself by a different examiner who sat in the back. Then we got stuck in traffic and I ended up making awkward small talk with both of them while crawling along a dual carriageway at about 5mph. I think the examiner was more nervous than me to be honest.

I was a verry nervous learner. On my 1st test I fumbled my keys getting into the car, dropped them and they bounced on the edge of a drain, very luckily they didnt drop in. So I got away with that, but not the running of a red temporary traffic light later.
Passed on 4th go. But have now been driving 20 years with no accidents, so don't give up OP.

It was my mock test. My instructor asked me to pull over to the kerb. I did that and she looked at me quizzically as all four wheels were on the pavement. It just got steadily worse. I speeded through the town, accelerated towards pedestrians crossing on a zebra crossing and hit the kerb repeatedly trying to do a three point turn. As for the hill start ...
I did, however, pass my actual test first time!

These are making me laugh and feel very stressed in equal measure. No funny stories, alas, but 2 dismal fails and then a miraculous 3rd time lucky pass...

A friend had a suicidal sheep jump out in front of him (we were in wales so tbf not a completely unexpected hazard) with no time to stop. The car had to get towed, sheep got up fine and walked off!

He still maintains it was unfair because nobody would have had time to stop, but I suppose as a matter of principle you can't write off the test car and still pass! (Technically I think it was a fail because he couldn't finish the test)

That’s what I said in my post dear @Doris86, if only you read it all.

My test is in two weeks tome, thanks for this post op!

Years ago an examiner asked my sister how long the roadworks they'd just passed were on for. She hadn't been paying attention and said, "......5 weeks?". He replied, "500 yards". She failed.

That’s brutal!

This is very outing for me but wanted to share. I had my test over 30 years ago. Examiner said keep left on the roundabout which I did…straight into the lane for the multi-storey carpark. Tried to think about reversing out but a car came up behind me. I ended up taking a ticket and having to borrow 30p from the examiner to pay. I failed 😬🤣 x Good luck with your next test, you’ll ace it I’m sure.

All the best drivers fail first time OP ;)

During the lesson before my test in a BSM Mini Metro (I’m that old) I hit a high kerb dead-on trying to park, and managed to buckle the steering column, making it unroadworthy.

I had to get used to a brand new car in the hour before my test and, to my horror, when walking out of the test centre with the examiner, in my panic I couldn’t remember the make or colour of the new car. Then I had the genius idea of clicking my newfangled key fob to see which one unlocked - sorted! In my enormous relief, and by way of explanation to to fill an ominous silence, I blurted out the story of the kerb and the written-off car to the examiner, adding a MN tinkly laugh at the end.

Cringe.

First driving test driving examiner asked me what the signal for turning left was if your indicator failed.....i put my left arm out and slapped him across the face 😂😂
Second test it was the same examiner but I passed 😂😂
My mum finally passed on her 13th attempt 😂😂😂 she failed one test because the examiner was rather large and she asked him to move his leg so she could reach the gear stick properly 😂

I went through a Give Way at the bottom of the road the test centre was on. I also drove over the centre of a roundabout.

I was just nerves. I passed next time...with the same examiner!

First test I failed as had to do an emergency stop due to not anticipating the bus in front of me stopping at the bus stop. TBF said bus didn't indicate, but still not an unlikely scenario.

Friend was having a lesson in a new instructors car and instead of braking accelerated (automatic) and drove across the park outside our school and ended up driving it into the pond by accident. It was kicking out time too so we all saw it. He go out and just walked off leaving the instructor standing in the pond (think they got out asap but it was quite shallow) car took 4 days to be removed

Very long time ago that I took my test. When I was asked to do the emergency stop I hit the brake and the passenger seat containing the examiner went flying forward towards the windscreen. Obviously it hadn’t been secured properly by my instructor. All he said was thank you, I won’t ask you to do that again! I did pass. Told my instructor who said he would get a telling off for it. Normally I would have laughed but was so nervous I was just a bit shocked.