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Why so much hostility toward reasonable adjustments for autistic/ADHD students/workers?

791 replies

KeenTaupeDog · 03/11/2025 10:32

I keep seeing backlash whenever someone with autism/ADHD asks for reasonable adjustments. Things like:
• being accused of cheating or getting “special treatment”
• people assuming you're lying or gaming the system
• resentment for accommodations that simply level the playing field

Why do so many people react this way?
Is it ignorance about what these conditions actually mean?
Envy?
Fear that fairness is “zero-sum”?
Or something deeper around stigma toward invisible disabilities?

Would be interested in honest perspectives — especially from those who’ve witnessed or experienced this dynamic.

If you dont think adhders etc. should be employed if they cant stay in work due to their adhd, then are you happy with them sitting at home and claiming benefits? Or dying of hunger?

Not looking to fight — just trying to understand where this reaction comes from.
Am a apsergers sufferer and people at uni accused me of cheating when they found out i had remote exams

OP posts:
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Blanketfull · 03/11/2025 13:05

WonderlandWasAllAHoax · 03/11/2025 13:02

Ah, so you don’t believe disabled people deserve help, support and adjustments?

I believe disabled people should be given lots of support and adjustments. I don't believe they should gain qualifications that make it seem like they can do things they can't.

NuffSaidSam · 03/11/2025 13:05

KeenTaupeDog · 03/11/2025 11:52

is this not petty envy as my extra time has no bearing on their ability to complete exams?

Well it depends on their circumstances. If they'd also benefit from extra time, but can't get it because their need hasn't been diagnosed or perhaps isn't diagnosable (i.e. their need for extra time isn't based on a measurable neurodiversity) then they're likely to feel hard done by.

It's not so much that you have extra time for the exam as much as that extra time is likely to lead to a better result and that better result to better opportunities. Opportunities denied to them because they didn't have the same adjustments that you did. It is envy. Whether it's petty or justifiable is debatable.

Fearfulsaints · 03/11/2025 13:07

Marshmallow4545 · 03/11/2025 12:01

Her work is safe. It just aggregates her back. My friend definitely wouldn't be defined as disabled.

I always find it an interesting fact that over half the population have a chronic long term health condition. This means loads of people are working with sub optimal health. We can't all be shielded from tasks and responsibilities as there would be hardly anyone left to do anything.

It was just incase it helped your friend. Im glad she is safe and not disabled.

There are lots of ways to make tasks and responsibilities achievable that arent avoidance. We shouldnt see everyone avoiding tasks, we should see more adjustments that make it possible to do them.

Also over a balanced workforce you'd also hope that people had different conditions and different impacts. If an employer has recruited a staff body where noone can make calls to roles that call making is essential, something is amiss with thier recruitment or training.

Audhdrey · 03/11/2025 13:08

I get stressed out by clutter and my open plan office has lots of shelves and storage which tend to look cluttered.

My reasonable adjustment is that my desk is placed away from these areas of clutter and that there is nothing on the window ledge next to my desk and no posters or pictures on the walls near me.

However my lack of tolerance for the clutter means I am really tidy and have excellent organisational skills. So I tidy and organised the office.

Many times the reasonable adjustments mean that others ‘pick up the slack’ but the ND people will be doing something else to help their NT colleagues

WonderlandWasAllAHoax · 03/11/2025 13:08

TheLivelyRose · 03/11/2025 13:04

Yes, but people on here are saying that this issue is fine ifthose people are autistic.

Why would it be permissible for autistic people to come in two hours earlier?Where there isn't any work to do? Then to leave two hours earlier.When things are really busy?

The thing is adjustments only go so far.They have a massive impact on the rest of the team.

I have noticed that autistic people do have a very self centered me attitude. A lot of the time, which is why they're asking for these adjustments in the first place. They don't seem to be bothered that.It will have an impact on their colleagues.They seem to have the mindset, but just because this other person isn't autistic, it won't have much of an impact on them. It absolutely will in the long term.

The whole mindset is, I am autistic.I must have the adjustments.I ask for and it won't bother other people.As much as pick up my slack because they re not autistic, they can cope with it, is unacceptable.

If other people are struggling because a disabled person needs extra support, that is NOT the fault of the disabled person.

cantkeepawayforever · 03/11/2025 13:08

Blanketfull · 03/11/2025 13:05

I believe disabled people should be given lots of support and adjustments. I don't believe they should gain qualifications that make it seem like they can do things they can't.

As I said, my exams looked as if I could write. Which, tbf, 46 weeks out of 52 that year, I could. I just couldn’t write in the exam weeks, so someone else did it for me.

U53rName · 03/11/2025 13:09

arethereanyleftatall · 03/11/2025 12:25

I think it’s also because there is very possibly huge numbers of people who are undiagnosed. They’ve had to cope/mask their whole lives and didn’t really know it. What if most people are ND? It’s only been in the past decade or so that it’s been talked about so there are swathes of adults thinking ‘hang on a minute, I needed decompression time too.’

This. How many of us can tick many items on this autistic checklist? I can.

www.catherineflynn.co.uk/post/females-autism-unofficial-checklist

Snorlaxo · 03/11/2025 13:10

I work in a place where some people have accommodations and it doesn’t bother me for a few reasons

We are hourly paid so I earn more for working longer.
I don’t have more work to do when a colleague leaves early. If they don’t complete their work then they do it the next day. If they don’t come in then it doesn’t inconvenience me.
They do the same work as me. Them leaving earlier doesn’t mean that I have something crappy to do on my own as a result.

I think that when those criteria aren’t met then they can create resentment.

As for ADHD/ASD you can’t make generalized comments because it affects people differently. My son has ADHD and would probably benefit from gentle reminders at work to stay on track where as someone else would benefit from other adjustments. My son writes down what he www doing before a break so he doesn’t forget or start doing something else and it works well for him.

There is someone with ASD where I work and she wears sunglasses and noise cancelling earphones when necessary and it works well as it doesn’t have an effect on her output (not customer facing ) That might not be possible if she was say a police officer so had to respond to loud noises like shouting and screaming as well as flashing lights at emergency scenes.

incognitomummy · 03/11/2025 13:10

Cinnamon77 · 03/11/2025 12:29

I think part of the problem is that everyone now knows at least one person who's got an ADHD or autism diagnosis that they simply should not have got, and that's breeding suspicion.

It's very easy to find out what you need to say at the assessment - and if you pass you get free drugs and possibly free money and various other benefits that everyone else has to pay for.

The overdiagnosis is a massive issue that's probably going to blow up in the next few years.

I tbink you don’t know what you are talking about in relation to it being so easy to get diagnosed as ND. In the U.K. It’s actually difficult to get a referral for assessment. And once you are passed that hurdle there are strict criteria in order to meet the threshold to qualify for a diagnosis.

what you are seeing “in the wild” is a load of people, especially female adults, being diagnosed or seeking a diagnosis Now. Later In life. There is a catch up going on - ie of people who were not diagnosed when younger. And when they find this missing piece of their jigsaw they are often astonished and want to talk about it more than say the 40yo man who has known since he was 8yo.
given 20% of the population may be ND you would expect a class of 30 kids to have 3-6 kids who are ND. I didn’t know that many people at school, nor university. However that ratio amongst my adult friends is getting closer.

current view by professionals in the field is that the UK is under diagnosing - both boys and girls. For various reasons. And
adults females are an under represented population partly because women and men present differently. Many girls and young women were instead labelled as depressed, day dreamers, horse mad or anxious rather than as neurodivergent.

or they were so skilled at masking that it is only later in life when hormones go drop / become erratic (eg pregnancy, post partum or peri menopause) when they can no longer keep all the balls in the air and the mask slips and they believe they are losing the plot, but the dr suggests there is something else at play here.
Often these women are diagnosed after their “naughty” sons are diagnosed. Given the genetic link this is not surprising.

to be diagnosed as meeting the criteria for ASD or ADHD you actually need to be DISABLED by your symptoms AND there needs to be a HISTORY of these symptoms and in more than one location. Ie you cannot just self report you get a little anxious when someone comes to the front door.

no it should not be an excuse for poor behaviour and sometimes we have to accept we cannot do certain jobs. You would not expect an electrician to be colour blind for example. Or to have an armless blind surgeon.

however. In schools we should teach tolerance as well as make school accessible. It is not about giving students an advantage over the next one. if Jonny gets 30 minutes extra because their short term memory is shit and processing time is slow, then that is purely aimed at levelling the playing field for GCSEs - just like we would allow glasses for the short signed or a reader for a blind student.

if Karen is an ordinary student she does not need extra time to read and understand the question, nor does she need glasses, a reader or a typist. And yes She may be the brightest or the most stupid neurotypical kid sitting the exam and that still stands.

if you need glasses. Or extra processing time. Please have it. Whether you are 16 or 30.
if that means you cannot be a fighter pilot, then I think we can all accept that!

Octavia64 · 03/11/2025 13:10

LaserPumpkin · 03/11/2025 12:47

I don’t take drugs for my ADHD but I know a lot of people who are paying £££ for ADHD drugs despite a formal diagnosis. It’s not always subsidised.

Many GP surgeries are now not accepting shared care for patients with adhd whether they have nhs or private diagnoses.

my DD’s drugs are 70 a month and review appts online with a private psych are 150 every six months.

LaserPumpkin · 03/11/2025 13:11

Why would it be permissible for autistic people to come in two hours earlier?Where there isn't any work to do? Then to leave two hours earlier.When things are really busy?

Well, why isn’t there any work for them to do? Do all queries really have to be dealt with on the same day or could they be picked up by early starters first thing the next morning. That’s a management decision.

At my workplace we have people working all kinds of hours for all kinds of reasons (disability and non-disability related, including sheer personal preference) - I’ve never known anyone have a lack of work because they have a different working pattern.

arethereanyleftatall · 03/11/2025 13:12

WonderlandWasAllAHoax · 03/11/2025 13:02

Ah, so you don’t believe disabled people deserve help, support and adjustments?

What that poster is saying, is that one of the points of an exam grade, is for a prospective employer to understand the candidates ability. It is absolutely relevant to them to know that candidate A took one hour to achieve 50 correct answers but candidate B took two hours and had a scribe, to achieve 50 correct answers. From candidate Bs perspective, they were simply given the adjustments they needed to put them on a level playing field; but that doesn’t help the employer.

Octavia64 · 03/11/2025 13:13

WonderlandWasAllAHoax · 03/11/2025 13:02

Ah, so you don’t believe disabled people deserve help, support and adjustments?

I don’t think this is reasonable.

i worked as a teacher for students with special needs and blind students should be able to have braille papers. It’s pointless asking deaf students to do a french listening paper.

you can test their knowledge of French/whatever in different ways.

LaserPumpkin · 03/11/2025 13:13

U53rName · 03/11/2025 13:09

This. How many of us can tick many items on this autistic checklist? I can.

www.catherineflynn.co.uk/post/females-autism-unofficial-checklist

I can’t tick many, yet I am female and diagnosed autistic.

Half of that list relates to introversion rather than autism anyway.

Marshmallow4545 · 03/11/2025 13:14

WonderlandWasAllAHoax · 03/11/2025 12:58

Of course it’s not - if an adjustment isn’t necessary then management should not approve it.

Let’s stop blaming disabled people and start looking at the society they’re forced to conform to, hey?

How can management ever begin to really assess whether an adjustment is truly necessary? They don't have magical powers and are often completely beholden to the claims of the employee.

If you have a member of staff claiming they can't answer the phone because they have Autism and it makes them anxious then who could possibly disprove this? If it can't be disproved then how could management ever say it isn't necessary? It's not like there is some objective test that can be run to prove that distress caused by answering the phone is so severe that the adjustment is necessary. You can't benchmark someone's dislike of answering the phone against a colleagues.

The process is therefore built on a hell of a lot of trust and good faith. There is an assumption that people generally only ask for necessary adjustments. Some people take advantage of this. It isn't all society's fault. Disabled people are just people like everyone else, they aren't some homogeneous group that are absent of flaws. You will have as many chancers and downright liars amongst them as the general population. Some will absolutely use their disability to gain an unfair advantage, sometimes intentionally and sometimes unintentionally. Pretending this isn't the case is crazy.

arethereanyleftatall · 03/11/2025 13:14

U53rName · 03/11/2025 13:09

This. How many of us can tick many items on this autistic checklist? I can.

www.catherineflynn.co.uk/post/females-autism-unofficial-checklist

Me too. And everyone else.

AgnesX · 03/11/2025 13:14

WonderlandWasAllAHoax · 03/11/2025 11:00

Because the vast majority of people are ableist to those who suffer from any kind of hidden illness or condition - they will never admit it though.

I have autism. I also excellent at masking and, on the surface, appear to be high-functioning - I have a degree, I run a business, I’m married and I drive. I can also maintain a few friendships.

What people don’t see are the meltdowns because it’s windy or raining. They don’t see me coming home from work and shutting down for an hour or two so I can decompress. They don’t see me being unable to socialise or travel on public transport, or go to a supermarket. They don’t see how a change in my routine leads me getting so upset that I often just go to bed.

And ultimately, they don’t care about me or about anyone else like me. They think I need to grow up, or get a grip, or just “deal with it like everyone else”. Because on the outside, I look just like them, and they don’t understand that means absolutely fuck all, really.

Edited

They're ableist regardless of whether the disability is hidden or not.

They have a mean minded steak and just can't bear to see anyone getting something they're not.

Northerngirl821 · 03/11/2025 13:15

I have ADHD. I think it’s hard because some of the things that I find difficult and/or unpleasant due to being neurodivergent are things that a lot of neurotypical people also find difficult or unpleasant, albeit not perhaps to the same extent. So it seems unfair if I am excused those things because then they will have to pick up my share of the unpleasant jobs.

It’s hard to know where the line falls between what is an unreasonable expectation of me and what is just the less pleasant aspects of the job that everyone finds tough. I don’t want to feel like I am just taking the easy way out.

LaserPumpkin · 03/11/2025 13:18

arethereanyleftatall · 03/11/2025 13:12

What that poster is saying, is that one of the points of an exam grade, is for a prospective employer to understand the candidates ability. It is absolutely relevant to them to know that candidate A took one hour to achieve 50 correct answers but candidate B took two hours and had a scribe, to achieve 50 correct answers. From candidate Bs perspective, they were simply given the adjustments they needed to put them on a level playing field; but that doesn’t help the employer.

Well, it depends on what you think the exams measure.

If it’s to test whether you can regurgitate facts quickly then I agree with you, but most jobs don’t require that.

If it’s to test that someone has a certain level of knowledge then time taken is not relevant.

Ohmrcollins · 03/11/2025 13:18

KeenTaupeDog · 03/11/2025 12:59

but the person who got extra time never would have finished the paper wiht it

I mean… it’s an exam? Isn’t that the point? To demonstrate your knowledge in a set timeframe, thus enabling comparison amongst a cohort to rank students on both understanding as well as ability to perform in the set time.
There’s probably a whole bunch of people (both who had or didn’t have extra time) who didn’t finish the exam.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 03/11/2025 13:19

Micnder · 03/11/2025 11:13

but what if your colleague also doesn't like answering the phone.... Why should they answer it more because you 'cant' answer it due to your autism/disability.

When adjustments start negatively impacting other peoples jobs, its when the problems arise.

My daughter has mutism (Audhd) she CAN’T answer phones.

Would you expect someone with no legs to walk up stairs? Because if they had a lift their colleagues might resent it?

WonderlandWasAllAHoax · 03/11/2025 13:20

AgnesX · 03/11/2025 13:14

They're ableist regardless of whether the disability is hidden or not.

They have a mean minded steak and just can't bear to see anyone getting something they're not.

Yep, this thread is so predictably full of people bitching about those of us with diagnosed disabilities who are daring to ask for a tiny bit of support.

Citylady88 · 03/11/2025 13:20

Blanketfull · 03/11/2025 12:58

My feeling is that if someone holds a certain qualification, that should mean they passed it by the same standards as everyone else. Not that they could do it when given a scribe/reader/extra time.

Otherwise, what's the pont of qualifications?

So you don't think people who are blind should have scribes? Or that people who have for example cerebal palsy should have additional time to complete say a math exam as they physically cannot actually write/type/use a calculator like a person who doesn't have that? Your attitude would leave everyone with any sort of disability without any educational qualifications. Then you'd be complaining they're on benefits wouldn't you....

InSlovakiaTheCapitalOfCourseIsBratislava · 03/11/2025 13:21

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 03/11/2025 13:19

My daughter has mutism (Audhd) she CAN’T answer phones.

Would you expect someone with no legs to walk up stairs? Because if they had a lift their colleagues might resent it?

You’d also hope she wasn’t in a job that required the phone to be answered

MumChp · 03/11/2025 13:21

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 03/11/2025 13:19

My daughter has mutism (Audhd) she CAN’T answer phones.

Would you expect someone with no legs to walk up stairs? Because if they had a lift their colleagues might resent it?

A person not able to answer a phone might benefit by doing a job not involving phones.