Why so much hostility toward reasonable adjustments for autistic/ADHD students/workers?

[KeenTaupeDog]

I keep seeing backlash whenever someone with autism/ADHD asks for reasonable adjustments. Things like:
• being accused of cheating or getting “special treatment”
• people assuming you're lying or gaming the system
• resentment for accommodations that simply level the playing field

Why do so many people react this way?
Is it ignorance about what these conditions actually mean?
Envy?
Fear that fairness is “zero-sum”?
Or something deeper around stigma toward invisible disabilities?

Would be interested in honest perspectives — especially from those who’ve witnessed or experienced this dynamic.

If you dont think adhders etc. should be employed if they cant stay in work due to their adhd, then are you happy with them sitting at home and claiming benefits? Or dying of hunger?

Not looking to fight — just trying to understand where this reaction comes from.
Am a apsergers sufferer and people at uni accused me of cheating when they found out i had remote exams

You won't understand that a lot of NTs have sh*t to deal with which can be as hard as NDs?

Then perhaps dyslexics should choose a job where reading is not a core part of the role and those with autism might have to accept a customer facing role is not suitable for them
Instead of taking a job that they can’t do and then expecting the role to be changed to suit them

I know somebody who overheard a conversation at work recently - someone was expressing utter contempt for people on supported work experience placement.

The person I know brought the offensive remarks to the attention of senior management, who reported it upwards, and the matter was taken extremely seriously indeed. Steps were taken, let's just say that.

Language and non verbal communication acquisition and implementation literally does come easier and more naturally than somebody who is neurodivergent. This includes eye contact.

Whether NT people have their own shit to deal with is by the by, the point OP made stands.

Disabled fast track passes come with the disabled person able to take someone else with them (or sometimes up to 3 extra people with them). So
a) the queue will likely be made up of mostly carers or NT people who are there WITH the ND person
b) at a glance, it might look like it's fine, but in many cases, yes, the disabled person is struggling and their carer is having to help them hold it together
c) they might cope, just, with the shorter queue, but they wouldn't manage with the very long one
d) even those shrter queues can be difficult and it's not actually that unusual for even these queues to be abandoned (much to the upset of the rest of the group who get no say)-
e) sometimes, the special queue is just less stressful for everyone. As we stand in those queues, no one is getting embarassed because their child is behaving "oddly" or invading other people's space or asking inappropriate questions because we're all in the queue for similar reasons and there's a sense of community and understanding.

So it's not as easy as you might think, looking at it as you walk past.

That's not to say that SOME people don't absolutely take the piss but I assure you, most aren't.

All jobs require elements of reading and socialising... even in non customer facing jobs, you are expected to socialise with your colleagues/get along with managers.
in a job with minimal customer interaction needs, there are still social elements. in this case would it still be unfair for that autistic person to be accommodated?

But a lot of people with dyslexia can read to an appropriate level for their job without adjustments.

And a lot of people with autism can get along with colleagues.

I think it’s not helpful to generalise on either side.

It isn't just distress that happens on the phone.
it's being unable to.process what is being said, being unable to recognise when you should respond, not knowing what to respond with unless it is scripted, long silences because the other person has gone off script and the Autistic person doesn't know what to say, or becomes mute with the stress.
Not every Autistic person will need adjustments but many will in order to stay in work.

What are you talking about here? I don't get it. Someone who can't cope with in person communication cannot do a customer facing role.

Someone who is a bit awkward and not great at small talk and chit chat is a perfectly acceptable colleague and reasonable adjustments, with mutual respect, can be made.

You're also making sweeping statements about ND that I find surprising considering you say you are autistic. Not all autistic people are the same.

The teen girl who has ASD that I am close to LOVES socialising... albeit she's not always very good at it and doesn't always get it right. Reasonable adjustments for her will be different vs an autistic person who clams up the moment they're in front of other people.

DS has ADHD, but his reasonable adjustments will be different to someone else with ADHD.

Dyslexics vary massively in what support they need. Increasingly, many of them can get by with great technology. A reasomabnle adjustment might be that they don't need to read/write on paper which in 95% of jobs is probably fine and, in due course, probably 100% of jobs.

Being brutally honest (and yes, I know how callous it sounds, it isn’t intentional- I’m simply answering your question) if your disability is such that you cannot ‘get along with managers’ then no, I dont feel that you are suited to the workforce

Big generalisations.

Dyslexia is a learning difficulty that primarily affects reading, writing, and spelling, but does not impact intelligence.

Autism, or autism spectrum disorder (ASD), is a lifelong neurodevelopmental condition characterized by persistent challenges in social interaction and communication, along with restricted and repetitive patterns of behavior, interests, or activities

So how are they generalisations? If you didnt have problems socialising, you won't be diagnosed autistic.

Everyone has stuff to deal with, @MumChp . For those of us with neurodiversity, we have the same problems that everyone has plus a massive stack of others. This is why autism and ADHD are considered disabilities.

The list of difficulties is endless. @KeenTaupeDog has actually written an incredibly top level summary.

Just as an example that most people are not aware of - it is common with ADHD to have language processing issues. That means my DC2 can’t take in anything in university lectures and needs to watch recordings and pause them every few minutes, which means that it takes 2 hours instead of
1 to go to a lecture. It also makes it difficult to understand anyone with a strong accent.

I think everyone knows about autistic meltdowns but not everyone knows about shutdowns. I had a stressful day recently and that caused a shutdown - so instead of having what looks like a tantrum, I just went quiet, couldn’t do anything or talk to anyone. I struggled to eat. I just about managed to get under the shower and grab handfuls
of nuts to eat. This went on for a week. It was like being ill - there was nothing much I could do to help myself.

@KeenTaupeDog , you are showing your ignorance. Dyslexic people can read without difficulty. It is the processing that is a challenge. I can and do read legislation and policy texts. I am
also a fast reader. It is the external/outward processing that is a challenge in comparison to my actual comprehension hence why I have a diagnosis of dyslexia. If you are going to make statements. Try to be factual in your argument.

I think that depends (and I have some experience of a workplace where the nature of the roles attracts a high number of very academic but ND employees).

Adjustments to ‘non job essential’ areas of a role (eg socialising) are almost always going to be reasonable, as long as a way can be found to carry out necessary professional interactions such as training, briefing and appraisals.

Adjustments to core parts of the job role eg interacting with customers in a customer facing role; making phone calls in a role where this is part of the job etc may or may not be reasonable, depending on what level of adjustment is needed and its impact on the business as a whole. It may be unreasonable, if this part of the job role is too important or if the impact on someone else of you not doing it is too great.

but there are different types of challenges with socialisation? If you have autism, surely you know that?

You are young and quite new to the workforce I think, but I would strongly recommend that you put some time and effort into understanding more about the breadth of ND and other disabilities people face, and how this can present very differently in different people, with different challenges for each.

It's not a workplace thing but I had a thread running for ages about an insufferable lodger I had who, came back to me to tell me that I should take him back in because he had now discovered he had autism so I should be more understanding of him. He had been rude, obnoxious, goady, downright AWFUL to live with but it was his autism apparently. When he asked to move back in on this basis I said much the same as you- I understand, it is a disability and you can't help having that however it does not mean that I have to put up with that behaviour in my home any more than I'd be happy with a blind dentist doing a root canal on me or a socially anxious solicitor dealing with a defendant's solicitor if I had to go to court. It just does not work. Some jobs cannot be done by some people, that's life.

As someone said upthread, we all know someone or at least know OF someone who has a diagnosis of something, or even has a self-diagnosis of something and uses it as an excuse for poor behaviour, selfishness or being difficult. It's unfortunate, but being disabled is not mutually exclusive from being just not a very nice person.

If the exam is of the format “top 30% pass” then everyone is in competition with each other so somebody else getting help could mean that they don’t pass.

If somebody finds the exam hard to complete during the assigned time frame then somebody else getting extra time appears to be unfair as the original person might score higher with more time.

Not all people without a diagnosis are NT and many people don’t accept that NT people can have struggles too. While trying to even the playing field is a good thing, it is not difficult to see why people who don’t fall into that category but would benefit from adjustments will be annoyed. Not everyone can afford to be diagnosed or push their GP into referral (postcode lottery) Not everyone can cope with the diagnosis process and may feel stigma /shame about asking for help getting a diagnosis. Not everyone who should be diagnosed, gets diagnosed because there’s a lack of knowledge. For example people assume autism means someone like Dustin Hoffman in Rainman or Sheldon Cooper.

It is also worth bearing in mind that the difficulties faced by someone who is autistic vary in degree, as well as in nature. One person may be wholly non-verbal, and pose challenging behaviour which could not be accommodated within a workplace. Another may be very academically able, but find social activities exhausting because they have to work much harder to ‘mask’ in that context. A third may have limited social ‘scripts’ and repetitive behaviours.

I think it's doing the opposite.

And also very few autistic people 'can't' answer the phone. It might be very difficult for them or they might feel anxious or overwhelmed but they could do it if they absolutely had to eg in an emergency. When there are also lots of non-autistic or undiagnosed people who may feel deeply uncomfortable answering the phone, it's a tricky line. It's not as clear cut as telling a full-time wheelchair user they have to walk upstairs, something they clearly cannot do under any circumstances.

The laptop will have been offered to run any ‘assistive technology’ software that was recommended by the person who assessed any study needs you had stemming from your disability.

I mean, I have nothing against reasonable adjustments as long as they don't negatively impact the other employees.
For example, my 17-yo niece is in her first job at a cafe, she'sonly been there for 5-6 weeks on Saturdays; she's working at the counter with 2 other youngsters, one NT, one ND autistic girl. During the busiest lunchtime rush, the ND girl has a complete meltdown and runs to the backroom. Niece and other girl deal with increasingly long line of irritated customers, getting very flustered themselves etc. Finally, an older man tells niece off for bring slow and complains to everyone within earshot. She ends the shift in tears, only to find the ND girl still in the backroom, scrolling on insta. They both get paid the same. Doesn't feel particularly fair.

I think there's are big difference between being expected to make adjustments to enable someone to their job and being expected to allow someone to not do parts of their job.

It's about finding a job that is right for you. DS (ASD) is working in software engineering in government scientific research. It's perfect for him and he loves it - but put him in Costa Coffee or a call centre and he probably wouldn't last a day.

He's had a couple of minor adjustments but he wouldn't expect to be treated differently from anyone else or not to have to do a few things here and there that he's less keen on or less comfortable with.

Some "reasonable adjustments" - for example reducing certain tasks, more flexible hours, softer deadlines - would be useful for NT employees as well. So if they don't cause any impact to overall performance, why would they not be extended to everyone? Why would this not just be the way we all work?

I think that's the core question.

Because if everyone could have them without issue then it's unfair that only NT colleagues are given them.

Conversely, if extending the accomodations to everyone would cause an isue, then it's likely that the NT colleagues' accomodations are in fact having a detrimental impact on their colleagues, causing resentment.