Have you ever found something belonging to your parents that made you see them in a different light?

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When I was a teen I found a sex toy in my mum’s drawer. I shouldn’t have been snooping.

It made me think of her differently, and I felt a bit weird about it for a bit.

I’m over it now, I think 🤔

Grandparents were actually married the year after they always said. They celebrated their golden anniversary a year early with a fancy do and holiday, actually married in 1920, not 2019, 5 months before Aunt appeared.

I did guess that. But is there any such word 'joice' (or whatever the comment said)?

I think you mean 1919 😂

My DH made a similar discovery - loads of disturbing and obsessive letters from his father telling his mother he would kill himself if she didn’t marry him.

MIL was a very anxious person, and very young at the time. She felt overly responsible for everything.

So she married him, and he spent the next 30 years building model train sets in his shed. And when MIL was dying he’d sit at her sick bed looking at porn on his laptop and periodically regaling her with his plans to convert their house into a giant model railway after she died.

During this time, he would also explain to her cheerfully the order in which her organs would shut down before her death, and was fascinated and delighted by her syringe driver and the controls on her hospital bed and all the other bits and pieces of equipment the hospice nurses brought round.

He moved in with the widow up the road within weeks of MIL’s funeral - presumably also having told her he’d kill himself or similar if she didn’t take him in.

DH is estranged from him now, and FIL has no idea why and feels very hard done by indeed.

I was a child in the 70’s and some of the things my mum and dad did to me were awful.

Think being dragged around and lifted off the floor with your hair, your toys been smashed and broken as a punishment, being screamed and shouted at and being so terrified I would wet myself.

And there is more.

I said to my brother recently that now this would be classed as child abuse. He said that it would have been then but strangely enough, I never thought of it in that way when it was happening. It was just how it was.

@Crystalcrazy back then there was also a culture of "Mr and Mrs " wouldn't do that" so children wouldn't be believed. So called pillars of the community got away with loads.

Our NDN was the bank manager. He subjected his wife to DV constantly- both physically and verbally. We knew because we heard and saw it but she didn't seek help because she said nobody would believe her because of his position in the community.

Just awful what happened back then.

The big difference being that murder, incest and child abuse cause people serious harm.

By contrast, sex toys are no more harmful than any other object used for personal care.

There is no equivalence here, and if you think there is, then I'm genuinely concerned for you.

Masturbation is a normal and healthy human behaviour, and using a sex toy to masturbate is no more harmful or strange than using your hand. It simply (for some people) makes it easier or more enjoyable. It's no more strange or inappropriate to use a sex toy for masturbation than it is to use cutlery to eat a meal.

Masturbating with a vibrator (or a dildo or whatever) simply doesn't meet any definition of 'perversion'.

As more than one person responding to this thread seem to think that vibrators are perverted, I wonder if supermarkets such as Asda, Sainsbury's and Tesco realise that some of the stock they have on their shelves is 'perverted'? 😂

I feel jealous! I must be very literal minded, or ruthlessly libidinously efficient or something, but I can’t get in the mood at all unless there’s an actual person I fancy in the vicinity, and sex is definitely on the cards. Otherwise it’s like my body just refuses to expend energy on feeling frisky.

I’m sure Gen Z must have an identity category for this. IRLosexual or something.

I am also very clumsy, and worry I could inflict grave damage to myself or others with a sex toy. Having nearly taken my own eye out with a water pick on several occasions, I dread to think what I might do to someone’s tender parts with a battery operated device in the heat of the moment.

And on that note, am I the only one getting ads for hand-held coffee frothers on this thread??

Can you NOT read? My argument is that if something is 'centuries old' it does not make it right.

You've been missing out .

It's fine. No one is going to make you masturbate. You can stick to missionary position sex once a month for ten minutes and noone will judge you.

But your phobia of masturbation doesn't make it perverse

@PauliesWalnutswe found all the letters my grandad wrote to my grandma when she was in hospital having my mum. They were absolutely lovely. And it was nice to think of them as a young couple, though I never met my grandad.

Yes, I read your post perfectly well. But it was nonsense. Comparing masturbation with human sacrifice is absurd and a false equivalence.

What do you think isn't right about using a sex toy to masturbate, then? What do you think it is that puts it into the 'perverted' category? You've implied that isn't 'good or normal'. Why not? You don't seem able to say what you consider bad about it.

Absolutely fine if you don't have much/any sex drive or if you prefer not to masturbate - nobody's saying you have to, and you don't have to defend that stance. But why do you think it's wrong / perverted / abnormal for other people to do it?

You can't just throw out offensive accusations of sexual perversion at a large chunk of the female population and expect people not to question you about that.

A mistress …. Does that count?!

You clearly can't read.

@Iclyn I'm really not missing out on anything. I haven't had sex for years and never want to do it again. It was always a chore and I never enjoyed it.

You can't miss out on something you couldn't care less about 😀

Why would it be painful for the man ? It's weightless sex , he is standing / kneeling up and the person in the swing is easily available , and easy to manoeuvre .
Never tried it , but I'd be willing to give it a go !

When I was a child, I got into my parents bed with them and saw a used condom on the side table. I knew exactly what it was so immediately left and got back into my own bed, horrified that they still had sex. Threw me for a loop as a kid!

Ha ha I was replying to a post ! My sex life is fine thanks .
See my comment above !

That's a lovely thing to do. I have written a letter to each of our sons that are stored along with our wills. In each I've told them how much I love them, and shared some of my memories of when they were small, plus lots of other things. I get them out periodically and sometimes write a littlemore. I'm hoping to give them some comfort after I'm gone.

I was about 15 at the time, school holidays…was a bit bored so decided to tidy up the utility room (trying to get into my Mum’s good books I guess) I can across a battered, very old travel bag, I rummaged around inside and found a package of old letters that my parents had exchanged when they had been dating in the early fifties, I read one my Mum had written to my Dad which was graphic to say the least, I wasn’t a particularly worldly teenager so I was shocked, but looking back I suppose it made me realise Mum and Dad weren’t quite as prim as I thought they were 🤣

Having a wank with a vibrator is hardly a perversion. 🙄

I seen this earlier today but didn't have time to post. I've been chuckling about it all day. Tom Cruise 😂

I would be surprised if that was correct. I thought vibrators were just a thing in online pornography.