What is it like not to worry about everything ?

[BlueDressontheLine]

What's it like to not always expect the worst ? Not to over think everything? To just go with things. Id love to know.

I would love to know, its getting worse with age

I just don’t think about the future much, to the point of being the other way. I’m not impulsive (much!) but I just deal with the now, mostly. I’m not naturally anxious. My life just happens. Which is good & bad, in lots of ways… It’s just how I am.

I don't waste my time worrying about things I can't control, something will either happen or it won't, my brain won't control that.

I honestly wish I knew!

Years ago someone told me about the idea of "areas of concern" and "areas of influence"

if you haven't come across it, it's basically away of separating those things that worry you that you can do something about (areas of influence) and those you cannot do anything about (areas of concern.)

It made sense to me. There are things I wish werent so (my old age and being frail, the orange man in America, the psychopath in Moscow) but I cannot change, so I don't worry about them. Things that I wish weren't so, and can change (like the financial security of my adult child once I'm dead) who gets and so have done those things within my power to change that situation.

But, I'm a creature ruled by logic, not emotion. So I think it was possibly easier for me to "let go" of fears about things I cannot change.

And, of course, the real trick is deciding which things I can influence and which I cannot.

I wish I knew too. 😟

I strongly suspect im not NT. I feel my level of anxiousness and obsessions are not normal. Not many people would realise how bad it is. Its debilitating.

I wish i was a more logical person.

It makes no difference to the outcome of anything in my life whether I worry or not. So absolutely no point in worrying, complete waste of effort.

My Mum worried about anything and everything and I was determined not to go down that path. The amount of stuff we did not do just in case something went wrong was huge.

I have huge arguments with my OH about this. She says that I should only worry about things I can control but when I’m lying in bed catastrophising about one thing (that then leads on to the next and the next…) it’s really hard to feel understood.

I remember it starting when I was about 7 thinking the hall light flickering was a fire and the house was burning down. Almost 40 years of this now 😔.

I’m the same. and it is awful I agree.
also my life is full of drama. But anxiety and overthinking really blights my life and always has done.
interesting about the ND aspect. I have no idea if I have anything else going on that is at the root. I’m about to be tested for ADHD but even then I’m not sure what this would mean for my anxiety and stress. Do others cope better under the same conditions? Or do others not even think themselves into this same state?

but back to the question- I do often think of how much easier and enjoyable life would be if I could cope with stress and stop catastrophising.

I think I’m the other way. Growing up I went through hard times, homelessness, domestic violence towards my mum, living with an alcoholic, I was raped at 19.

I learned to compartmentalise very well. It’s probably not healthy but I’m just not able to worry about stuff. It’s like the worst already happened so I’m just massively grateful for my life now. I worry short term but it doesn’t stick if that makes sense. I probably don’t worry enough about some stuff such as being in debt.

Have you thought about asking your GP for help? That’s not a normal level of anxiety, maybe there is help out there?

im so sorry to hear that you’ve been through so much.
but it’s a strength to be able to make sense and compartmentalise. You’ve developed something that is helpful and useful to you. I hope you have a lot of happiness and good life experiences.

Often. I think it’s getting worse with age as well. Although my teen and uni years were pretty unbearable too.

I used to be a huge worrier about everything. Things in my control, things out of my control, the future, things I'd said in the past....honestly, it was constant.

During Covid I got in a right pickle. I just HAD to stop worrying. So I started a thing where every morning I sat and wrote what was worrying me for 20 minutes and then, during the rest of the day, if I started worrying I would make myself stop, distract myself, do something lovely, call someone, do a practical task.

Good God did I get fed up of the miserable list I made every morning. The same things over and over again, it was so boring, and, when I looked back, every thing I'd written made no impact on my day, the next day or the world.

I really quickly stopped writing the list and the practice of stopping myself worrying by doing something positive worked too.

I can't really remember the last time I properly worried about something and it is so freeing. I regret all the time I wasted worrying.

Like Namechangerage I compartmentalise. I also metaphorically stick my fingers in my ears and "la la la la la" a lot!

If it's something in my control (imminent smear test, figuring out how to budget for the next scout trip) then I worry and figure it out, DH holds my hand. Future stuff coming up - we'll figure it out when the time comes, we've discussed options A, B and C, I'm sure we'll need an option D that we haven't considered... But we have healthy boundaries and can say a strong no to those who will push (bit cryptic: in-laws, finance, lazy grabbing bil and sil, imminent in-law passing away, huge house debt...). So, no, I don't worry about it at all, it barely enters my head.

On a daily basis I don't worry about anything other than little things.

I used to be a worry wart, but it got me nowhere. However, I'm in peri and having anxiety attacks out of the blue, not triggered by anything. They're fun.

I have to admit that although I'm a very generous person, gracious, unbitchy, lovely huggy me... I'm selfish, on this count, and can't be arsed to worry about loads of things so as to protects my mental health.

@Northerndoglover It is horrible isn't it. I do understand.
Something I noticed in one of your posts is that you said 'lying in bed catastrophising'. I would say that the most miserable, negative worrying I have ever done was in that time between waking up and getting up. I could depress myself beyond measure whilst I lay there and it would set the tone of my day.

One of the things I've changed is that the moment my eyes are open my feet are on the floor. I'm up and occupied and doing positive stuff before my mind has time to start tripping me up.

@SeaAndStars I think that's good that you have recognised when you worry and by getting out of bed stopped it. I've done a combination of that and what@user1471453601 talked about. So I can't do anything about war, etc so refuse to worry about it. I've stopped listening to the news and added loads of fluffy stuff to my social media feeds so I get puppies and kittens rather than war and tragedy.

I still worry more than I'd like to, but at least it's about stuff I might actually be able to do something about.

My Instagram is full of children who have died ! I have no idea why. One my fears is my child dying.

I wonder if im autistic but sometimes im fine. Other times I wonder what's wrong with me

I’m ND and used to worry about everything. I take duloxetine now, and I was amazed at how much easier life is.

Im on escitalopram 10mg Once daily. It does help a little. I dont know whether id bother getting a diagnosis. .

It is wonderful. I'm a little bit too much the other way now but I am on fluoxetine. Without it, I was only half living my life.

Im exactly the same 😬
On regular low level setraline, and I literally worry about nothing ....

I can't imagine how it feels to worry so much