What is it like not to worry about everything ?

[BlueDressontheLine]

What's it like to not always expect the worst ? Not to over think everything? To just go with things. Id love to know.

Maybe I need to up my dose. I think im going to be on them forever so I like to keep the dose low.

I’ve spent most of this year catastrophising and it’s exhausting. I can’t stop it and I’d love to have peace of mind.

I just wish i didn't give a shit

I often wonder this. It's such a double edged sword as my attention to detail, seeing things from all sides, risk assessing etc are really useful at work! But certainly at times it's overwhelming. I remember during a bad phase it literally taking about an hour of anxiety and worry about whether today was going to be the day when I burnout, breakdown and cant get out of bed. Then, after 3 coffees and forcing myself up and out the door, I manage to pull myself together and become the positive, capable person my colleagues know me to be. They have no idea what a battle it is. Then, at the end of the day I just collapse from the effort of being "normal".

Cbt did help me get it largely under control - have you thought of trying that OP? Also adjusting AD dose - dont be afraid to up it for a while, you can always reduce it a bit when you've been able to build up a few strategies to manage it.

If I can't do anything about something, there's no point worrying about it. Use your mental energy for dealing with the shit you can do something about.

I find stepping back from 24 hour news and SM is very helpful with this. Having a historical perspective helps with the large scale, global issues too. There's really nothing new in what's going on, it's the old cliche of 'new day, same old shit' just with different players.

I'm like @user1471453601 and decide if it's something I can influence or not. The old prayer 'God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference.' Like most people the wisdom bit is the hardest.

I guess it's not that simple, you are trying to change your mind's way of working.. but if I go off an a worst scenario thought like a morbid fantasy I stop myself thinking and just try to keep my mind blank. Or I start to think of positive moments or happy memories. It generally works for me but I think I'm not as naturally anxious as others so it might not be as straightforward for others.

For me the most important thing is to distinguish your thoughts from your words or actions. Many anxious people in my experience seem to want to make everyone around them feel the same way, or try to restrict other people's happiness or liberty. It's a very unlikeable trait and can ruin friendships, relationships and even families. That's the part you can control.

Instagram is a mental illness machine. you can self refer for NHS help

@BlueDressontheLine I know how you feel. My main issues are health anxiety and some ocd traits but my GP diagnosed GAD. I'm pretty sure I'm ND as well. As are a lot of my family and friends! But I also have a lot of trauma from childhood and adulthood to deal with so I'm a bit of a complex case. I tried escitalopram recently but the side effects were too debilitating so I'm now focusing on talking therapy and trying to get EMDR. Considering medical cannabis as well.

I used to be intense with dramatic thoughts racing through my head. I would find it hard to sleep and then wake up in a state. I would physically be affected with tummy problems and headaches.

The old me wouldn’t recognise the new me. A couple of things I do is: I stopped writing in my diary firstly (why dwell endlessly on something that’s history), if there is something I’m dreading (my job or having to deal with someone I dislike or is challenging), I distract myself. Just tell myself, it will work out.

I find things I like to do and focus on that. I used to find some news stories distressing and would read it at night and not be able to sleep. I stopped doing that. I told DH, let’s not talk about anything serious at night. We both just try to wind down with reading or watch a movie together. It’s not about not caring about things, I do very much. I just don’t focus hard on it anymore and I realise I’m not perfect and no one else is. Things will work out as they are meant to.

I’m sorry you live this way. I would describe myself as someone who doesn’t worry about much these days but it wasn’t always the case. I was a bit of an anxious child and had a short period of suffering intensely with anxiety in my early 30s due to some external life stressors. CBT helped - in particular challenging my avoidance of conflict and other things I personally found anxiety inducing. Sort of like exposure therapy. My husband has also suffered with intense anxiety all his life and sertraline has been literally life changing for him. I don’t know if you’ve explored therapy or medication but if not it is worth considering. I don’t know if it was the CBT for me or just a bit of perspective that comes with age but I rarely worry about things now and I don’t avoid the things that used to send me into panic spirals anymore. It is peaceful and freeing. I hope you find the same x

Do more and think less.
My parents and brother are chronic worriers.
My brother has medicated it, parents must kept worrying. They do nothing but watch the catastrophising BBC. I could have gone the same way but chose to be physically active, be outside in daylight, have lots of different social interactions with different people, rarely watch TV. Less time to think, but listen and get alternative perspectives from the people you meet. Share a genuine worry with friends who will reassure you. Think of the upside of situations. Make light and laugh with them at the trivial worries.
Have some issues arising at the moment that could be bad, but talking to friends who point out the other possibilities that are equally as likely, and help to reframe things and put into them perspective. Like we were going to miss a plane because of bad motorway accident -OH said -we should have left home an hour earlier - my take was that if we had we could be IN that accident. In our case, yes we’d lose money and would be a halt but we were still alive -would not be like for those. other poor people at best life/changing.
As others have said - if things are out of your control you just need to think of ways to mitigate negative outcomes. My exh spent years worrying about what would happen when oil runs out! He couldn’t control that, but it kept him awake at night and made him miserable bc around it kids.
Get advice and face up to things. If it is a potential threat like redundancy, actively look for other jobs or make a plan.
Also, prioritise sleep quality so as not to wake up in the night, and get to when you wake up, as others have said.

Take a Valium and you’ll find out

You know it's possible to re-train your instagram algorithm. Make sure you scroll quickly past those links and it will soon stop showing them. Even if you don't open them, instagram notices if you pause on them, so you need to scroll past quickly and start pausing on other stuff - cats or comedians or whatever.

I’m a huge worrier and can tie myself in knots, spiralling over all sorts.

current therapy has recommended the below technique. It takes a lot of regular practice though which, admittedly, I’m not consistent enough with. I can understand how this does help though.

https://www.mindfulnessmuse.com/acceptance-and-commitment-therapy/leaves-on-a-stream-cognitive-defusion-exercise

I'm not a worrier at all. It's a good way to be - I have a friend who is anxious and I can see how much stress it causes her. I agree with the serenity prayer mentioned above, and also with the idea of giving yourself a brief time to sit with your worry before moving on.

Some good tips here. I can’t practice what I preach but exercise can help.

I used to be a massive worrier but one day I got so sick of it ruining everything that I decided I had to stop. So I refused to let the thoughts win. I trained myself to think about other things, or would listen to music or read to block them out. It took a few years but it’s working. I feel a lot more free and relaxed now. Last week I did something at work which 5 years ago would have stressed me out for the whole weekend before. But I didn’t even think about it.

Tbh I think wanting to change was triggered by a friend who took their own life. It made me realise life is really too short to worry about things that may or may not happen.

It's blissful but it took years of hard, focused work.
If a worry comes in I ask myself what can I do about this?

I do the thing. If there's nothing I say no thank you to being trolled by my own brain. I literally say 'no thank you' and focus on something else. I have a list of things to focus on instead. Things I can carry my mind away with. Mine are savings plans and home improvement.

After a good while of doing this the thoughts don't try to enter any longer. I actually believe we are all capable of this. I have diagnosed PTSD and had literal panic attacks, physical things, because of my overthinking.

I'm all better. Mindset shift is key.

I do still need to have things put to bed though. So, say an issue pops up but I can't do anything about it.

I will write a plan of what to do about it and save it in my computer. That way my brain knows what I will do when or if the thing happens. That means I can stop thinking about it. I'm also working on this though.

Anything to do with children being hurt or napped or anything and I cannot watch. I will avoid any media with it in and fast forward any parts that even mention it. It poisons my mind. I'm exactly the same with it being my worst fear.

You need to know what an algorithm is. You need to go on your social media and find videos about other stuff and watch a few, comment on them, save them, heart them.

This will change your feed completely. I block anyone or anything about it too.

I have always been a planner and a controller and that hasn't changed.

In my teens and 20s I worried about how others perceived me. I worried about the future. I worried about my flat/house being tidy. I worried about having enough money.

Now, in my 60s, I worry that the grown up DC are happy and safe and about dd when she is late home which is ridiculous as she is 27. I don't get stressed at work or worry about it and never had.

I learnt to focus on what was imporyant when I buroed ds2, born too soon at 27 weeks with a heart condition, incompatible with life. Very little phased me since and I've only since cried happy tears.

What sort of things do the worriers worry about?

Im very active and work 4 days so don't really have time on my hands ! Ive done counselling and it did help a little tbf. I stuck at it for a while but it was 50 quid an hour so alot !

Im sorry others suffer too

You should be able to get cbt on the nhs, it's short term and about all they offer these days, as it can be done online or over the phone. It's very diffferent to counselling and can be hugely effective. One thing it taught me was to have 'worry time'. Sounds a bit crap, but it basically means allowing yourself to have a set time daily to worry about anything and everything! Then you have to force yourself to delay any worrying until your next worry time. You can time it when you like. I think I started with 30 mins morning and evening, then just mornings, then gradually increase the time in-between until you ween yourself off it! I didn't believe it would work for 1 minute to start with, but it did!

In two ways.

Firstly, life can be over in a split second. It honestly can. When I learnt this the hard way, I realised I simply could not spend another second worrying.

Secondly, I have lived with a constant worrier. It starts to drain your energy and affect your mood. There is no way I plan to do that to someone else.