If you are anti private school are you also anti tutoring?

[WWGD]

Putting aside the obvious - that a tutor is about £2k a year and private school about £25k a year…

My kids are state educated. Many of our friends are surprised by this as they go private, but our objection is political as much as financial. We just don’t believe it is right to buy that level of privilege and opportunity. We’d also rather spend that money on holidays etc.

dd has asked for a tutor in subjects she is struggling with. I have arranged this. But this too is buying privilege and opportunity. Though not the networking and prestige.

I am comfortable with my decisions. I am just wondering whether people who are anti private school for political reasons also think tutoring is beyond the pale?

I was going to put this in aibu but actually am interested in people’s views rather than being flamed.

Why would opting out of private somehow bring up state?
State system should be completely restructured to reflect the best schools in the country, not taking away the best and hoping the rest then do better.
That's what Trump does to opposition when it's a threat.

Cherrypick much?

I was clear that this is a small piece of anecdotal evidence.

Ok. I agree with you. I think I was clear that as an individual, there's not much else I can do.

Some people "just live their values", @twistyizzy . The likes of us will have to somehow go on living our immoral, valueless lives.

Sorry I thought you were sensible and up for a serious discussion however you are obviously just a bigot "rather than being surrounded by entitled brats who think they are too good for yucky state-run institutions"
So no further discussion needed. Thankfully at her independent school my DD is being taught not to judge people based on things like where children go to school.

Sure. I don’t disagree with any of this. But the children at my schools experience that alongside everything else. I don’t think money protects you from pain, and I don’t think private school children are shielded from everything. But I do think that being surrounded only by children who have the protection of either money or family involvement or both is a very narrow experience and won’t encourage the sort of adult I want my children to become. But again - just me! You can certainly have private schoolchildren who volunteer at food banks and litter picks and tutor children who don’t speak English and all that.

I see that you edited

These girls terrorised the other girls in my child's very small class. They bossed everyone around and were quite nasty and divisive. Everyone is happier since they left. It's really sad.

I actually don't have much experience with children outside of my own childhood, and was surprised to observe this. It's not something I have discussed with anyone other than my partner.

Of course I don't think they are fundamentally bad people. However, I have privately assumed that something about their respective upbringings must contribute to the way that they treat others.

Again, it seems that you are diverting from my broader point by focusing on my one ANECDOTAL OBSERVATION.

I think the country is made of millions of us, parents who see the state system as broken. My kids have SEN and I hate the system, which seems very common.

We need to be pushing this to politics, getting them to aim up not take away the markers simply so they look like they've done better without any yardstick.

Private schools attract SEN kids for a reason. Parents bankrupt themselves to give SEN kids this type of schooling and it shouldn't have to happen in 2025. Everyone should be able to get into good schools, not just those tutored or who can remortgage their homes. We need to demand more.

But can't you understand that independent schools vary wildly and that 25% of DC at those schools are on fee assistance ie lower income households.

Our local state secondary has 98% white British cohort whereas independent has around 73%. So my DD is being exposed to more cultures/religions than at the local state. We are a lower income family too.
DC at independent schools mostly ga e hobbies outside of school so are in contact regularly with a cross section of society. They don't live in an independent school bubble ie they live in normal houses, next door to normal people.

Plus most parents mix and match state with independent so majority of DC will have been in state at some point. It's very rare to go al through in independent from reception to 6th form. So plenty of opportunity to interact with "normal" people

Of course I don't think that all children in private school are entitled brats.

However, don't you ever worry that your children may be missing a chance to interact with others outside of their socio-economic class? There's more to becoming successful and a productive member of society than getting the highest scores on national exams.

No because she went to state primary and we live in a normal house in a normal village. She will also go to state 6th form.

Our local state secondary has 98% white British cohort whereas independent has around 73%. So my DD is being exposed to more cultures/religions than at the local state.

We are a lower income family too.DC at independent schools mostly ga e hobbies outside of school so are in contact regularly with a cross section of society. They don't live in an independent school bubble ie they live in normal houses, next door to normal people.

Plus most parents mix and match state with independent so majority of DC will have been in state at some point. It's very rare to go al through in independent from reception to 6th form. So plenty of opportunity to interact with "normal" people

We don't use independent school just to get top results. That's a weird thing to think.

No, not distracting.

I don’t need to check the meaning of privilege on Google, thanks. I am trying to get to the bottom of the meaning of it as it’s used in this thread, having or buying privilege.

You’re on the right track though when you say it’s relative. It’s not just “slightly daft” though - the word is completely meaningless without a clear context.

I'm talking about my own values. You have yours. Why is your response so defensive?

I’ve literally just answered that above. The children of the most powerful and influential people in this country are those that attend elite private provision - so yes I think removing those institutions and requiring those children to attend the same schools as everyone else would make a difference. It isn’t really a statistical issue. The same way the King of England (one person) has more power and influence than everyone in my immediate city (2
million people). The other aspect is that you would remove their symbolic function, which is arguably more significant than anything else.

"The children of the most powerful and influential people in this country are those that attend elite private provision" except Sutton Trust disagrees with you!

At this point you are just repeating soundbites you've heard. You aren't reading what I've written and obviously don't understand the reality.

No further need to discuss as you are binded by your ideology and not interested in learning reality.

FYI getting rid of every independent school would do nothing to improve state schools. All you woukd do is push up house prices next to best state schools even further + increase use of tutors.

Tutoring is only a step up from parents who make their kids practice reading and spelling at home vs those that don’t.

when you think about it hard enough practically everyone is privileged, I’m privileged my mother didn’t drink a litre of vodka throughout her pregnancy and leave me with enough brain damage to be incapable of typing this.

in fact considering only 7% of children go to private school and in my whole life I’ve never actually met someone who has been to private school (although I suppose I may have and they just didn’t mention it) I think private school privilege is a bit of a non issue compared to drug using drinking pregnant mother privilege or growing up in a house as opposed to a trailer or hotel room privilege

Why is your response so defensive?
@OrangeCrushes* *
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Anecdotally, the children who left my child's state school for private have been absolutely insufferable, entitled bullies…..entitled brats who think they are too good for yucky state-run institutions.

Why are your responses so spiteful?

I mean as I said above l, I literally research education as a living so I probably do know more about this and understand it better than you. I have MA and PhD qualifications in education inequality and work on multiple funded projects into the subject. I think you don’t actually understand what the Sutton Trust report is indicating at all, which is that the two tier state system works also to uphold inequality, which is why (as I said above) a new system would also need to address gaming of the state sector. In addition ST is one report, this is a complex subject with lots of competing research and data.

I have not said anything spiteful. These children were spiteful. Honestly, the school is much happier without them. As I said, it's sad.

I've worked in education for over 20 years. I'm just not blinded by a certain ideology and prejudice.

I have used state and will again. Just the secondary schools around me are dire. Closing DDs independent school won't make them less shit because improving them comes from government NOT parents.

Wow, why are you making personal insults? I haven't done this to anyone on this thread. And how exactly am I bigot? Wtf

You have sneered and othered DC based on the type of school they go to ie entitled brats I think you said?? That's bigotry

If opponents of private schools just said “I think all children should have to go to a state school because those are my politics and I accept I’m a hypocrite for buying into the catchment of a good state school and paying for the services of tutors” I’d at least respect the honesty.

It’s the bogus justification of being in the interests of children from poorer backgrounds that’s so laughable. As if wealthier parents, or at least those who have enough to pay school fees, are going to raise the standards in comprehensives by some magic process. Even more stupid is the idea that children who come from supportive families will have some benign influence on other children. 🙄

All of mine went to state schools all the way through. We couldn’t afford private for even one child. And I’m far from convinced that it’s worth it for most children anyway. But I’ve absolutely nothing against people who could afford the fees and make that choice.

If you don't like being called a bigot then stop calling children nasty names based on the type of school they go to.

It wouldn't be acceptable for me to call state school DC names just because they go to state schools so why is it acceptable to insult DC in independent schools?