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Original poster

Please reassure me about your boys who don’t like football!

63 replies

Yuja · 14/10/2025 21:32

DS is age 10, year 6. He goes to a nice but very tiny primary school with only 10 boys in the year - the other 9 are all heavily into football and play with outside clubs. If he doesn’t join in with football at lunch then he is by himself with no one to hang out with. He cried a lot this evening as he finds the football games quite physical and I understand emotion runs high and there is also a lot of arguing - he doesn’t like any of this.

we had a good chat about how he has many talents, skills and traits that aren’t football (he’s a good swimmer - does it competitively) and he is also amazing at maths, computing and history, and an all round lovely boy! But I really struggled to make him feel better tonight as he really hates the football stuff and there isn’t much else going on at school.

he will go to high school next year and DD tells him there are all sorts of clubs that he can go to, and plenty of boys who don’t play. I know he will be okay but I can’t help feeling a bit sorry for him atm - it’s a real social currency at his school and therefore difficult for him to bow out of completely unless he’s happy to be alone.

Would be great to hear about your non football loving boys (and generally a bit more ‘geeky’ for want of a better word!) and how they fared once they got to high school.

OP posts:
birdling · 14/10/2025 21:37

Neither of my boys have had any interest in football, they are thriving at secondary.
It's a shame for your son that there are no other like-minded boys in his class. Hopefully he can make it through the year. Does he meet other boys at other activities that he will likely go to secondary school with?

YouMightLikeCats · 14/10/2025 21:38

It's really common where I am not to like football - obviously it's popular but so are other things.
Could you ask the school whether they would look into putting on other clubs? Drama, science fun, coding clubs.

Also would he consider hanging out with the other types of human who aren't boys...?? Or is that social suicide? Although there are boys' groups and girls' groups at our school they do still mix!

My son sounds similar but he has his crowd and high school will be a lot bigger with a way more diverse population.

I guess that's the downside of a small school. I live rurally too and have seen similar issues.

Original poster
Yuja · 14/10/2025 21:40

birdling · 14/10/2025 21:37

Neither of my boys have had any interest in football, they are thriving at secondary.
It's a shame for your son that there are no other like-minded boys in his class. Hopefully he can make it through the year. Does he meet other boys at other activities that he will likely go to secondary school with?

He goes to cubs with some boys who will go to the same school so he might meet them again! Good to hear yours have been fine!

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FuzzyWolf · 14/10/2025 21:41

Aren’t there any girls in his school?

Original poster
Yuja · 14/10/2025 21:43

YouMightLikeCats · 14/10/2025 21:38

It's really common where I am not to like football - obviously it's popular but so are other things.
Could you ask the school whether they would look into putting on other clubs? Drama, science fun, coding clubs.

Also would he consider hanging out with the other types of human who aren't boys...?? Or is that social suicide? Although there are boys' groups and girls' groups at our school they do still mix!

My son sounds similar but he has his crowd and high school will be a lot bigger with a way more diverse population.

I guess that's the downside of a small school. I live rurally too and have seen similar issues.

I think we’ve just been a bit unlucky that the school is so small and all the boys there love it! There was another little boy who wasn’t fussed and they used to do another game together but this boy switched schools at the start of the year as he moved!
ha he used to play with girls but it appears to be social suicide now! He played with a girl in year 5 once and got a load of ‘babyyuja and said girl are boyfriend and girlfriend!’ stuff which has put him off continuing that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Yuja · 14/10/2025 21:44

FuzzyWolf · 14/10/2025 21:41

Aren’t there any girls in his school?

Yes, but they don’t seem to mix socially anymore - stopped a couple of years ago. He is friends with some of the boys on a more general level - just the football at lunchtime thing

OP posts:
Original poster
Yuja · 14/10/2025 21:45

@YouMightLikeCats yes in many ways the school has been excellent for him - he’s really come out of his shell over the years but it is a bit limiting in this kind of situation where another crowd might be useful

OP posts:
FiveGoMadInDorset · 14/10/2025 21:47

DS was at a rally small primary school, really didn’t like football but the school made sure that it wasn’t an activity every lunchtime, he would kick a ball around if he had too in secondary school but quickly found friends that also didn’t like football, he now goes climbing a couple of times a week

Screamingabdabz · 14/10/2025 21:56

My dd was in a mixed aged class and when all her friends who were in the older cohort left to go to secondary in year 6 I would pick her up every day and see a little sad face. I used to ask her how the day went and she would just flatly say ‘fine’ but my heart ached for her. I knew she was lonely and felt bereft.

It was a long year. We just looked forward to weekends and holidays. But she got through it and was stronger for it. Sometimes you can’t help them and they have to find their own resilience.

It’s hard to watch as a parent though. I’d be just chivvying him along - ‘nearly half term’ … ‘nearly Christmas’ etc.

museumum · 14/10/2025 21:59

Mind isn’t geeky but just doesn’t like football (he mountain bikes and skis). His biggest success with out of school clubs is scouts. He loves it and so do his football obsessed mates. Hes also just starting golf which a few friends enjoy.

puddingandsun · 14/10/2025 22:00

I was literally talking to my ds about football. Even though he doesn’t dislike it, he doesn’t want to join his classmates as they are apparently very rough. He’s smaller in size and easily intimidated.
He has a couple of friends, who also don’t play football, but they can turn mean and gang up against him some days and I’m trying to get him to have a larger group of friends… It’s hard.
But I guess our job is not to try and make them happy all the time but teach them to tolerate the unpleasant feelings and be there to listen.

Hopefully, it’s just a short phase and soon he’ll make friends with children from other years/ there’ll be a new boy joining the school.

mindutopia · 14/10/2025 22:03

Are there lunchtime clubs? At our secondary, there is almost always a club every day at lunch. There are some sports ones, but they do tend to veer towards the non-sporty to give them an outlet - coding club, art club, film club, homework club (you just do your homework).

That said, my experience is that in secondary they find their tribe. Even the really left out ones in primary now have their people. There will always be enough goths or eccentric arty kids or ones really into chess to form a little herd.

Lightuptheroom · 14/10/2025 22:06

My ds detested football and rugby. In fact he probably spent 99% of games lessons avoiding the lesson! He loved cycling and a bit of cricket. He's now 23, into heritage railways, reenactment, sourcing costumes etc so I can't really say it did him any harm. At least you get to stay warm and dry and not have to stand outside watching the games!

BogRollBOGOF · 14/10/2025 22:12

DS1 has zero interest in football. Fortunately he had a friend at primary that wasn't in to it either.

DS2 likes a kickabout but didn't get very far in clubs so was easily sidelined at primary.

At secondary, there's a much bigger pool of boys for them to mix with and it's more awkward for them to get out to play it so it's less dominant anyway.

It's sad that so many boys' personalities are restricted to football (and gaming) when there's so many other sports and interests out there.
It's worth contacting the teacher to see if there's anything that can be done to make the playground culture less football dominated and more inclusive. One person shouldn't always be frozen out like this.

Cinaferna · 14/10/2025 22:14

Zero interest in football from either of my boys, much to Dh's dismay. Both got really into music at secondary, and debating. One got into art too. The other did a solitary sport to quite a high level. Both made great friends. I feel for him but once there are more types of boy to choose from, he'll feel better.

Meanwhile, can he access clubs that introduce him to boys with other interests - Cubs/scouts; lego or warhammer, science or coding clubs etc.

MaybeItWasMe · 14/10/2025 22:16

My DS (now 15) has never liked it although he loves rugby, athletics and cross-country. When he was in year 6 he used to be the commentator (!) running up and down the sideline being daft and also created some sort of league. Your DD is right that he will find his tribe at secondary school, but it’s a long time to feel sidelined. Might it be worth a chat with his teacher to see if there are other options?

CharlotteCChapel · 14/10/2025 22:17

We aren't a football family but DiLs is, this leads to my grandsons having totally different interests so when they get together they don't have that in common, but they do find something in common.

MaybeItWasMe · 14/10/2025 22:17

Cinaferna · 14/10/2025 22:14

Zero interest in football from either of my boys, much to Dh's dismay. Both got really into music at secondary, and debating. One got into art too. The other did a solitary sport to quite a high level. Both made great friends. I feel for him but once there are more types of boy to choose from, he'll feel better.

Meanwhile, can he access clubs that introduce him to boys with other interests - Cubs/scouts; lego or warhammer, science or coding clubs etc.

Joining Cubs/Scouts/Cadets is a really good idea!

caringcarer · 14/10/2025 22:20

My foster son dislikes football and he is doing a degree in Sport. He loves cricket, swimming, volleyball, karate, kayaking, running but has never enjoyed playing football.

Halfblindbunny · 14/10/2025 22:20

DS2 is in year 11, he is a competitive swimmer, geeky and gay and has had absolutely no problems at Secondary school at all. As long as he is happy in his own skin he will be fine.

Holymotherforkingshirtballs · 14/10/2025 22:21

My eldest doesn't like football and I remember it being tricky at primary school. But once he went to secondary school it was a complete non issue. His younger brother is football mad and I hate to admit it but it definitely made it easier friendship wise. My eldest has always preferred being friends with the girls and again this isn't an issue and his best friend all through secondary school was a girl.

caringcarer · 14/10/2025 22:22

He also has other hobbies like chess.

captainoctopus · 14/10/2025 22:23

In primary school my son and one of his friends disliked football and would play hockey (with the girls). No problem. I am not sure what he did at secondary - he never mentioned anything except playing squash - but it was a grammar school so maybe attitudes were different.
DH also loathed football at school. He enjoyed cross country running and swimming. Maybe if your Dad dislikes football it's easier to stand up to the bullies
OTOH DD loved rugby, LOL.

Goldenbear · 14/10/2025 22:24

I mean I think you can buck the stereotypes as and be a 'Neek' but also like and play football. IMO it wholly depends on the area you live in and how conservative people are around you.

Goldenbear · 14/10/2025 22:30

Goldenbear · 14/10/2025 22:24

I mean I think you can buck the stereotypes as and be a 'Neek' but also like and play football. IMO it wholly depends on the area you live in and how conservative people are around you.

My point being that you don't need to worry IMO. DH is an excellent footballer, fast runner but also went to Art college and is an Architect.