Please reassure me about your boys who don’t like football!

[Yuja]

DS is age 10, year 6. He goes to a nice but very tiny primary school with only 10 boys in the year - the other 9 are all heavily into football and play with outside clubs. If he doesn’t join in with football at lunch then he is by himself with no one to hang out with. He cried a lot this evening as he finds the football games quite physical and I understand emotion runs high and there is also a lot of arguing - he doesn’t like any of this.

we had a good chat about how he has many talents, skills and traits that aren’t football (he’s a good swimmer - does it competitively) and he is also amazing at maths, computing and history, and an all round lovely boy! But I really struggled to make him feel better tonight as he really hates the football stuff and there isn’t much else going on at school.

he will go to high school next year and DD tells him there are all sorts of clubs that he can go to, and plenty of boys who don’t play. I know he will be okay but I can’t help feeling a bit sorry for him atm - it’s a real social currency at his school and therefore difficult for him to bow out of completely unless he’s happy to be alone.

Would be great to hear about your non football loving boys (and generally a bit more ‘geeky’ for want of a better word!) and how they fared once they got to high school.

My 16 year old DS has never liked football, occassionally he used to go in goal if needed, and was OK at it but didnt enjoy it.

When he went to secondary school he went to chess club, coding club, rubix cube club and table tennis club...so he is a bit geeky. He does other sports to a reasonable standard, but doesnt like football or rugby. (Tbh not many of them seem to like rugby!)

Could DS help play with the younger ones? Our P7 (Y6 equivalent in Scotland) are sometimes sent to play with the youngest half of the school at lunch /break.
I have 2 boys, 11 & 13. Neither have/had any interest in football. Admittedly our school had about 400 pupils so more choice for who to play with at lunch. My eldest has been best friends with a football mad boy since age 7. At secondary school he had found his wider tribe (football mad boy still included), they go to lunchtime groups including Dungeons and Dragons. He loves going to Scouts and being outside, just not with a football, and is really creative/is always building or making things. My youngest is best friend with a boy and a girl, again lots of non - football kids to choose from. He's more into gaming but also loves anything Star Wars and maths.

He needs to find his people, who will be out there.

my younger son (now 17) has never had the slightest interest in football, playing or watching on tv. Luckily at secondary school he found lots of like-minded friends.

It won't matter one bit at secondary - there are always boys who don't like or play football, but your son goes to a really tiny school so isn't currently working out for him. At my son's school some play football during lunch, but many just end up hanging out with their friends doing nothing much. Lunch isn't very long anyway (mine gets 40 mins and that seems to be the norm) and so there isn't a lot of time really.

Mine doesn’t hate football but is rubbish at it compared to some of the boys and so gets excluded from playground games. He plays other games (mostly chasing games) with the other excluded boys, who seem to make up the majority, and so doesn’t seem bothered.

I do think it is good to experience team sports and playing matches etc so he plays rugby out of school - again he is not Johnny Wilkinson but U10s rugby is significantly lower-stakes than football… the kids are there to have fun not to be scouted by Chelsea. And he gets participation medals and goes to away matches and goes on tour with his team, which allows him to hold his own against the football boys. Hockey, cricket or basketball would achieve similar aims.

My ds isn't quite 3 but I have no intention of putting him into a football team. We are happy for him to try pretty much any other sport. I teach and my observation is the boys that play football at break and lunch can get so worked up about how they played/ how many goals they scored/ criticising others for their play that they can't focus on the first part of the lesson. It can really affect their mood and friendships. I do think it's more of a problem in primary than secondary. Does his school offer any clubs at lunchtime? If he likes reading can he take on a role in the library?

There are so many clubs on offer in secondary school and your ds will definitely not be alone in having other interests. He will find his group, he'll just need to check out which clubs he wants to join (music, art, debating, history, science, drama, board games, some have a dungeons and dragons club or chess. There will be loads that prefer any one of these over the field).

My ds isn't quite 3 but I have no intention of putting him into a football team. We are happy for him to try pretty much any other sport. I teach and my observation is the boys that play football at break and lunch can get so worked up about how they played/ how many goals they scored/ criticising others for their play that they can't focus on the first part of the lesson. It can really affect their mood and friendships. I do think it's more of a problem in primary than secondary

But what if he wants to.? If he can't join in with his peers and he wants to, won't that affect him?

How are you going to stop him at secondary school, write a note to the school prohibiting your 15 year old from joining in?

There will also be kids there that he’s met through swimming.

If he’s doing swimming and Cubs, would another, less physical club be on to fit in? Something like climbing?

My son is younger (year 4) so maybe not relevant but he’s not really into football. It’s too rough for him. He much prefers singing and dancing and tends to play with the girls rather than boys at lunch. He will join in football sometimes but prefers being with the girls. Secondary will likely be a larger size school so I can’t believe he’ll be the only one who doesn’t like it there and will find children with similar interests. Is there a library at primary school? My son also does this one day a week on a rota. Can he not play with any younger children if he doesn’t want to play with the girls in his class?

@Goldenbear Why the snippy comment? @notacooldad I didn't say he wasn't allowed to play football. I said I wouldn't let him join a team. There are plenty of other sports to enjoy if he shows an interest in sport and wants to join a club. My husband, brother and male cousins don't have an interest in playing football and it's not been a problem for them with friendships.

I didn't say he wasn't allowed to play football
Fair enough my sister said the same. She hated what she perceived as foot ball culture and encouraged nephew to take up other sports. Nephew wasnt influenced by other males in family and she was a single parent.
Nephew is now in his 30s and a football referee and has been since a teen. Its actually a good sideline for him and he loves it ( He is also an project engineer at aerospace so its not all bad! 😆)
The point is its what he wanted to do despite Elaine discouraging him!

My now 18yo son has never had any interest in football or any sports . In primary he and a like minded friend set up a coding club , with the support of a teacher.

in secondary he found loads of like minded gamer friends, they started playing D&D together (and still do years later) and he remains close to them after they have all gone on to different things after school…

it can be tough / isolating in primary if football is a real thing for the majority of the kids in a school. can he be encouraged to create another hobby/activity/ club that he is interested in?

I think secondary school is where most kids find their tribe!