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Original poster

Please reassure me about your boys who don’t like football!

63 replies

Yuja · 14/10/2025 21:32

DS is age 10, year 6. He goes to a nice but very tiny primary school with only 10 boys in the year - the other 9 are all heavily into football and play with outside clubs. If he doesn’t join in with football at lunch then he is by himself with no one to hang out with. He cried a lot this evening as he finds the football games quite physical and I understand emotion runs high and there is also a lot of arguing - he doesn’t like any of this.

we had a good chat about how he has many talents, skills and traits that aren’t football (he’s a good swimmer - does it competitively) and he is also amazing at maths, computing and history, and an all round lovely boy! But I really struggled to make him feel better tonight as he really hates the football stuff and there isn’t much else going on at school.

he will go to high school next year and DD tells him there are all sorts of clubs that he can go to, and plenty of boys who don’t play. I know he will be okay but I can’t help feeling a bit sorry for him atm - it’s a real social currency at his school and therefore difficult for him to bow out of completely unless he’s happy to be alone.

Would be great to hear about your non football loving boys (and generally a bit more ‘geeky’ for want of a better word!) and how they fared once they got to high school.

OP posts:
Letsgoforaskip · 14/10/2025 22:30

Ah this has brought back memories OP and I do sympathise. My DS didn’t like football and that excluded him from joining in at playtime with most of his peers in primary school. Ironically he was really interested in farming and nature and the other boys his age were all sons of farmers but weren’t!
As previous posters have said, it wasn’t a problem in secondary school where the pool of friends was bigger and much more diverse. Bizarrely, when he was older he actually got quite keen on football and played for a team.
It is agonising watching them feel left out and different, but I do agree that it builds resilience. Just encourage him to keep being him and I hope he finds his people soon.

MrsBlondie · 14/10/2025 22:33

My son is now 19 and has never been into football. Never played fir a team or played at school.
Doesn't support a team or even watch it.
He's just fine. Never been an issue.

Justgivemesomepeace · 14/10/2025 22:33

My son doesn't like football which is massive round here but will have a go at a kick about from time to time. He really enjoys basketball and plays a lot, he has just joined a junior pool club at the local snooker hall and one of the local football clubs is trying to set up a kids darts club so hes going to have a go at that too.

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AnnaQuayInTheUk · 14/10/2025 22:34

That sounds very similar to the situation DS was in - small primary, all.the other boys in the year obsessed with football. DS just wanted to play with Lego.

He found secondary school so much easier - he found his tribe. He went to a huge secondary (300 pupils per year) which really helped. There was a whole group of geeky boys who got together.

He's now in his 20s, has loads of friends, and is really sociable. He still isn't interested in football!

MadameSzyszkoBohusz · 14/10/2025 22:36

My 11 year old boy has never liked football, and went all through primary school surrounded by football mad lads. He started secondary in September, and has made a good group of friends, some of whom are into football and some of whom aren’t. He’s joined book club, Minecraft club and Bake Off club, so plenty of opportunities to get to know kids with similar interests.

IME secondary schools, being so much bigger, give them more opportunities to mix with a wider range of kids with a wider range of interests.

MrsAvocet · 14/10/2025 22:40

Neither of my now adult sons has ever played football, beyond what was compulsory at school. One is very into other sports but the other is, and has always been, totally disinterested in sport and was the archetypal geeky kid at school. Like your DS he was in a very small primary school and was the only boy in his year group who wasn't interested in sport. Fortunately there were boys in the year groups either side of him who shared some of his interests which helped but he did meet a lot more similarly inclined boys at secondary. There were more extracurricular activities to choose from and simply the fact that there were 15 times as many pupils in the year at secondary as there were at primary meant there were children with a bigger range of interests. Then at university it was even better.
I can empathise with how you're feeling. It's one of the few downsides we found of being in a very small school. But it does get easier honestly.

notacooldad · 14/10/2025 22:41

Neither of boys were interested in football and as adults they still arent
Ds1 will occasionally go to a big game with his mates but he us definitely a tag along.

As kids, that is primary and the first couple of years of secondary between them they were interested in mountain biking, climbing and bouldering and skiing.
Throughout high-school they both took up ice hockey ( and still enjoyed the other sports)
As adults the still do all of the pursuits from when they were kids except ds1 also runs. Both are hikers.
Football was never part of family life for us, which was strange because my family were football mad when I was a kid.

Ds1 will humour is LFC mad grandad though!

At high school it was a non issue. It didnt e en occur to me it would be to be honest.
There was plenty of other pursuits to do. I still go into their old secondary school for work meetings and they still offer varied non curriculum activities.

You'll probably find they will hang round d with like minded peers.
Also the boys went to cubs and finished with Explorers

SatanicSanity · 14/10/2025 22:46

Surely you know that sport is for those with nothing between their ears?

I’m so grateful that my AAA* A-Level DS is not one of those type (yes I know I’m a snob). It’s a shame your son is at such a small primary - especially as a year is a lot longer when you are 9 than when you are older.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 14/10/2025 22:46

fwiw I'd encourage playing for the social aspect, camaraderie, social and physical skills and the ability of always being able to join in and make friends. I have my dc in sports for all those reasons, none of which have an expectation to excel.

Toofficeornot · 14/10/2025 22:48

I think as the school so small he is feeling it more. Chances are 90 percent of the boys in any school will like football or at least be willing to play just for social reasons. My eldest started for that reason.
My youngest hates football and finds other things to do at lunch. But his primary is large and they have lunch clubs and things to do.
I would speak to the teachers, maybe they have some ideas, our school has an indoor craft club at lunch for the kids that hate football and being outside for example.
I know that in my eldests primary class one boy hated football but he got into karate, and I think rugby outside school and it gave him something to show off to the football ones about.
Secondary, if its a decent size will have all sorts of activities but mostly they dont even play at breaks, just hang about the grounds so it will become less of a thing anyway.

Nourishinghandcream · 14/10/2025 22:56

No-one in our family has ever liked football and that includes my brother's, parents, their parents etc.
All the boys got through school ok and made friends despite this, in fact it is more common than you might otherwise believe.
Don't give it too much headspace, there are plenty of other activities, pastimes, clubs etc for your boy to participate in, it just looks on the surface to be that football is the be-all and end-all......... It isn't!

TowerOfWashing · 14/10/2025 23:10

I know of a small primary who only allowed football to be played 2 lunchtimes a week because it took over their relatively small playing space and excluded other games/children (not to mention the additional arguments and dramas it seems to generate compared to other games ) so I would suggest a word with the head to make them aware and see what they suggest.

My DS doesn't like football and takes no interest in it. He's now in secondary and it's a non-issue. DH was the same but got a hard time at school for playing rugby (?!!). Despite a childhood of enjoying playing football myself and supporting my local team through some very successful years, I was once in a relationship with someone who was absolutely obsessed with it and it has killed the whole thing for me.

Choclabratwatowner88 · 14/10/2025 23:13

Much to my dismay my son hates football. He used to wear the jerseys when he was younger because he liked the colour but no interest otherwise. He kinda liked basketball. But he got his own little group of kids who also had no interest in football. There’s so many personalities in high school, and tbh most kids completely change when going into high school.

MelliC · 14/10/2025 23:14

See as he is Y6, could he talk to the staff about starting a lunchtime club? Something like Chess or Coding? Lots of boys like football and other things too (I know mine did) Also maybe some of the Y5s might be OK company too?.

HannahHamptonsGloves · 14/10/2025 23:18

SatanicSanity · 14/10/2025 22:46

Surely you know that sport is for those with nothing between their ears?

I’m so grateful that my AAA* A-Level DS is not one of those type (yes I know I’m a snob). It’s a shame your son is at such a small primary - especially as a year is a lot longer when you are 9 than when you are older.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

MelliC · 14/10/2025 23:20

If it's the physicality he hates, could he do a referees course? At least he might learn some techniques to manage the others' emotions.

Nottodaty · 14/10/2025 23:21

My husband, he went to a heavily sport focused school as well, he isn’t into sport at all. At secondary he found his tribe with music.

Ironically he ended up with me and I enjoy watching sports and he has been dragged to a couple of games to watch. He still can’t stand it and is much happier with his guitar.

orangina01 · 14/10/2025 23:37

I think this is one of the downsides to really small schools, its harder to find your people. My nephew struggled hugely in a mixed year small school and when he moved to a bigger one his behaviour and academics improved massively, but also he made loads of new friends. He's into drama now and adores it! Hopefully next year your son will go to the bigger school and it will slot into place

Original poster
Yuja · 15/10/2025 06:01

Thanks so much for all these thoughtful replies. I really appreciate hearing that lots of them were fine when they got to secondary! His primary doesn’t do lunchtime clubs sadly. I was thinking of chatting to the headteacher and seeing if there is anything he can do from a responsibility angle on the odd lunchtime so he doesn’t feel compelled to do football and not enjoy himself! He is already a house captain at school so maybe there’s something he could do for that - he loves being helpful.
he isn’t terribly sporty when it comes to the traditional sports, but he’s a great swimmer and does well with this competitively. His swimming friends will go to other schools though.

I am just encouraging him and saying secondary will be a whole new world in terms of people and activities but it does feel like it’s going to be a bit of a long year.

OP posts:
Original poster
Yuja · 15/10/2025 06:03

AnnaQuayInTheUk · 14/10/2025 22:34

That sounds very similar to the situation DS was in - small primary, all.the other boys in the year obsessed with football. DS just wanted to play with Lego.

He found secondary school so much easier - he found his tribe. He went to a huge secondary (300 pupils per year) which really helped. There was a whole group of geeky boys who got together.

He's now in his 20s, has loads of friends, and is really sociable. He still isn't interested in football!

Thank you ☺️ his future school is 240 a year so hopefully plenty of different types of people for him to find his true tribe !

OP posts:
HalfasleepChrisintheMorning · 15/10/2025 06:11

My lovely son is 13, he went to a tiny primary and struggled because he wasn’t into football. He’s dyspraxic we think and can’t cope with ball sports.
His secondary doesn’t do football, it’s very rugby focussed so football isn’t a major thing. They offer rowing as a sport which has been fantastic for him- he’s found his sport and now rows for the school. It sounds as though your son has already found his sport in swimming. At DS school he’d be greatly supported on that, they run lots of before and after school swimming training.
He’s also generally quite geeky and proud of it! He’s into history, Latin, reading fantasy books, Warhammer (loves painting the minis), D&D. He’s found others who like these things at secondary.

Original poster
Yuja · 15/10/2025 06:30

HalfasleepChrisintheMorning · 15/10/2025 06:11

My lovely son is 13, he went to a tiny primary and struggled because he wasn’t into football. He’s dyspraxic we think and can’t cope with ball sports.
His secondary doesn’t do football, it’s very rugby focussed so football isn’t a major thing. They offer rowing as a sport which has been fantastic for him- he’s found his sport and now rows for the school. It sounds as though your son has already found his sport in swimming. At DS school he’d be greatly supported on that, they run lots of before and after school swimming training.
He’s also generally quite geeky and proud of it! He’s into history, Latin, reading fantasy books, Warhammer (loves painting the minis), D&D. He’s found others who like these things at secondary.

I am looking forward to DS being proud of who he is - he is finding his hard to see beyond what everyone else is like at the moment.
his true loves are swimming, history, aeroplanes and electronics - hopefully he will find his people.

the tiny primary school was great when he was little but not so much now.

OP posts:
ObsidianTree · 15/10/2025 06:34

My son sounds similar to yours. No interest in football at all. He struggled in primary school to find his people. Now in high school he's got a great circle of friends all into similar things as him. None of them going to play football, more into clubs like chess, maths club and computing club.

It's a shame your son doesn't have any with similar interests as him in primary, but hopefully in high school he will find his people.

MinnieMountain · 15/10/2025 06:37

Our year 7 DS is a nerd (his words) who’s never liked football. He’s definitely found his people at secondary school. There’s lots of clubs and it’s a much bigger school.

We told him he has to do a sport every week. He’s settled on hockey.

Tiredofwhataboutery · 15/10/2025 07:13

I do think it’s tricky at primary but there’s many more options for kids and it’s easier to find your tribe at secondary.