How many babies would you have if

[Lelophants]

You didnt have to worry about money, space or your age. I think I’d want 4, maybe 5. I love pregnancy and birth (even though I had c sections) so much and when you first see them. 🥺 Plus babies, gahh. Amazing. And I love watching them grow, even when Im so unbelievably overwhelmed.

So in my dream world Id be a sahm, enormouse house with big bedrooms, multiple holidays a year and a nanny for when Im stressed or want to work for fun (obviously!)

Obviously real life means most of us can’t do that!

Do you think you might have autism?

Zero, I ended up with 3 🤨🤣 but I had them young. And if I'd known the world would be as it is currently I wouldn't have had children.

Do absolutely adore them though!

I don’t have to worry about money, space or my age, have a six bed house and a housekeeper. Two (very small) kids.

The idea of more fills me with absolute terror. I love them so so much, but I find most of parenting unbelievably tedious. And I hate being pregnant.

When people talk about yearning for kids, or how much they love parenting, I genuinely cannot imagine what that feels like.

I have 2 and I would have stopped at 2 regardless of finances. I love the dynamic and the balance. I'm a sahm and more dcs would have overwhelmed me. In abstract it's easy to think you'd use a nanny to give yourself more time, but I could afford to do that and I wouldn't, because I'm a private person and would hate to have another person having a role in our family life, and having been to lots of toddler groups and extracurriculars with nannies, I believe the interaction with a parent is more beneficial. We use outside childcare like preschool and holiday camps, which is a nice compromise as it means I get a break through long school holidays, but it's at arm's length from our home.

Our dcs go to a private school in an expensive part of London, and we did meet families who had that exact lifestyle in the OP - nannies, luxury family holidays, huge country estate and large London house, working in some arts or high society own business. Most of them still only had 2-3 dcs, one family had 5 but they relied a lot on their staff.

yeah I really dislike my life too. it breaks my husband’s heart (not that he ever makes me feel bad, he is supportive, but I just know) but I am just so so so miserable. When I do have time
for me I am so tired and wound up by all the noise and the mess. I just physically can’t do 2.

i know they are only small for a short time but by the time we are out of this era there will be new challenges (double the new challenges) and I will be older and more tired

everyone told me the surprise second one would just slot in. Dc2 is the happiest, chilliest, loveliest baby- but no, the work still doubles even if they are a ‘good baby’.

I made a thread about it when he was born and I had a pile on telling me I had postnatal depression

i don’t and my doctor agrees

just really not cut out for two.

This. I would really really like to be left alone for like a week. No engagement or interaction with another human being. I could have lovely food, drink wine, read and nap. In perfect silence.

Unfortunately, DH and DC might take that rather personally.

i must be neurodiverse to admit that I’m struggling with 2 children?

no I don’t have autism

I just liked having less parenting to do, and more time
for me

Why? Go away for a week, or a weekend if not. Solo travel is great!

I went to Italy alone last week. It was glorious. My kids are happy for me. I don't have a partner though, so I guess that's easier.

Babies are the easy part, I can easily have another 3-4-5.
Trouble is, they very quickly grow into children, and I'm barely coping with the 2 I already have. So no, I wouldn't have more than 2 and even that's a stretch.

I have three. I'm very happy with three instead of two. I adore them, can afford them, and I'm better at being their mum than I am at anything else. It's only so difficult, because of everything else I have to do as well as be their mum (go to work, progress my career, keep up the house etc), and a large part of that is related to money.

Right now, I calculate that another child would, or at least might come at the cost of the quality of their childhood (not so much in material things but the health of our marriage, our stress levels and therefore how we interact with them, our time and attention for them etc) or their education (particularly extracurriculars like sport and music), or their adult financial security. As I do also want to be able to provide them some comfort and support financially when they begin their adult lives. These are all costs I'm not willing to pay.

But, if I won a lot of money to take indefinite leave from work (though I would like to return at some point for it's own sake), and to hire on a fair amount of help, and to buy a bigger house and car, and to have no qualms about paying for activities and holidays and university fees and helping them with house deposits and so forth - I think I would have another. Totalling 4.

4 would probably completely satisfy me. Though I'm not 100% sure. I like just about every child I meet, not just my own children. It fascinates me that I could create more such beings out of myself if I chose. There's something irrepressibly magical and alluring about that creation to me. But I won't have another to the disadvantage of my existing children.

Happy with my 1. Wouldn’t contemplate any more regardless of all the parameters.

I'd have 2. I grew up in a family with 3 siblings and my parents did not have the time/emotional energy to be able to support us in the way I think children should be supported. I don't want that for my children. Plus if you have 4, they're often very different ages and the eldest ends up feeling resentful of being kept back by the parents needing to prioritise the toddlers.

Two. In my fantasy life five but in reality that would kill me. I have two and two older stepsons who lived with us when they were teens. I didn’t have to mother them though.

We have 3 and I wouldn't have another, regardless of circumstances. I have terrible pregnancies and I just couldn't face it again.

And if we’re talking hypothetical crystal balls, probably this. Not from a parenting or child perspective but if I could have seen the world as it is now, 15/20 years ago, I’d have not had any children.

Still just one, it's always felt right and we are 3 Bears 💕

I have a teeny tiny EBF baby. Not happening for a while, I’m afraid.

Also, I don’t want to travel or go somewhere or do anything. My fantasy is literally me at home, in my beautiful house, surrounded by all my lovely stuff, by myself. In silence. For a week. I’ll get it once DC are old enough for DH to take them on holiday without me, but that won’t be for a while.

I hear you @casualcrispenjoyer.

My kids are 7 and 4 and I thought it would have got easier by now.

I do wonder whether part of the issue for me is perimenopause (I’m 45) but it’s also probably the fact that outside of DH we have never had any support, and my own parents were shit and despite all the work I thought I’d done to be better, I still have the same reactive nervous system my mum has and my DD is developing.

5

1. But only if someone else was doing the cooking, cleaning and laundry. Also babysitting so that i could have lots of 1-1 time with all the children. I currently have 5 and the only time i wish there were less of them is when i want to go and watch my older dc do a concert or something and i can't go because the only people who will babysit are the inlaws and they want to watch the older dc's concert as well.

One, because I want to give them my time and attention.

That should be 8, i don't know why it thought i was making a list but couldn't count.

I would want an unlimited pot of money and a chauffeur, i would love to be able to say to the dc to go to the loo and get in the car because we are going to alton towers or somewhere.

Very happy with my lot (4) now all wonderful adults who have made me very proud. I was sterilised after 4 c sections but feel that I would have stuck to four even if this had not been the case.

I have 3 and Im not entirely sure Id have any more even with everything in the world because of my health. I get HG in pregnancy and my pelvic floor is damaged from that plus 3 pregnancies, three births two of them instrumental. I am concerned about issues later in life.

That being said I'm not symptomatic now and as my youngest is turning 1 I do feel so sad that finances just have taken the choice out of our hands. So I think if that was no object as you say, I probably would go for a 4th.

Only ever wanted 1. I’d rather have none than 2+.